Sunday, August 16, 2009

DiCarlo's (Albany, NY)

Quality of dances (4/20) – Sadly, the dances at DiCarlo’s are pretty weak. Although there seems to be some wiggle room for regulars, the no-contact rules are largely enforced by dancers. I didn’t receive, nor did I witness, even a single knee or ass grind.

One interesting quirk (which provided nearly all the points for this score) is that dance prices basically operate on the honor system. When a dancer is finished with a song, she waits there and you can pay her whatever amount you like…literally any amount, including nothing. In fact, according to club rules, dancers aren’t even supposed to suggest prices. Objectively, these dances are worth no more than $5, but because I supports the industry, I recommend that patrons pay $10 per dance.

Quality of dancers (6.5/10) – For upstate New York, the women here are gorgeous. On an absolute scale, they fair poorer, but still hold their own. I'd be very surprised if a customer couldn’t find a girl to fall in love with at DiCarlo’s.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – Six dancers on a Sunday night is pretty solid for this relatively small club. From what I understand, they don’t ever get a huge number of dancers (15-20), but because I can’t imagine this place getting very packed, 10-12 should do an adequate job.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1/5) – Nary a Latina or black woman could be found amongst the blonde hair and blue eyes; an unfortunate lack of diversity. DiCarlo’s scores one point for some mild variance in body type.

Attitude of dancers (4/10) – The dancers were nice enough, but none were particularly engaging. I would prefer to hear a little more game before being asked about getting a dance.

Value (4/10) – No cover before 7 PM and $5 afterwards. Miller Lites are the standard $5. A physical barrier between the stage and the floor nullifies any stage value. I'd like to say that the Name Your Price dances create significant value, but given their lack of quality, even bargain basement prices can’t save them.

Dance Setup (.5/10) – All dances take place directly on the floor of the club, usually in a shitty uncomfortable seat at one of the many tables. There’s one corner that provides the slightest bit of privacy when the club is empty, but it’s nothing to brag about.

Club Setup (4.5/10) – DiCarlo’s looks like a converted Italian restaurant, with several 4-6 person rectangular tables set up throughout the floor and a few booths near the entrance. Normally, that would be terrible, but they manage to do a decent job with what they’ve got. The stage, despite being physically blocked off from customers, is a nice design complete with a love seat and swing.

Club Atmosphere (4.5/10) – The DJ is solid and the club has a reasonably classy feel to it. It would help if they replaced the furniture to better complement the stage and overall look of the club. They also desperately need to remove or correct the sign on the wall that reads Photo’s by “Isus” to describe a series of mounted pictures. I don’t even know where to get started with my criticism of that sign, so I'll let it speak for itself.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – Located on Central Ave just a few miles outside of downtown Albany, DiCarlo’s is an easy cab ride from anywhere in the capital district.

Overall – I'd classify DiCarlo’s Lounge as a gentlemen’s club rather than a strip joint. During most hours, the women are there more as a backdrop than a main feature. That’s not necessarily a bad thing if you’re looking for a place to relax and enjoy a nice view, but club-goers shouldn’t go in expecting a rowdy time that may end up with them jizzing in their pants.


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