Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Mickey's Valley View Pub (Cumberland, RI)

Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances are fairly good by normal standards, but they fall far short of what you'll find at the other Rhode Island clubs. There is full two-way contact, but the girls don't place any particular emphasis below the waist.

Quality of dancers (0.5/10) – The girls here are terrible. If they aren't obese, they look like they're on meth. I didn't see anyone that I'd rate above a two.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – The quantity is slightly better than the quality, but neither is acceptable. There aren't many customers, so you won't have any problem getting a girl to talk to you, but I'm not sure why you'd want to.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – There was some variety of body types, but unless the only color you like is pasty white, you'll get bored quickly.

Attitude of dancers (4/10) – The girls were fairly friendly, but this is a neighborhood type of place where you'll be largely ignored if you aren't a regular and aren't throwing around money.

Value (3.5/10) – The cans of beer are reasonable (I don't think they sell bottles) and the stage action is okay, but dances are way too expensive. Unless the girls were lying to me, the club gets $20 for each dance and then you're left to negotiate with the dancers to see what they're willing to accept. The going rate seems to be $10 to the dancer, which brings the total per song to $30. That's unacceptable even if the dances are amazing, and these dances aren't.

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – There's a row of decent sized booths along the one wall with sheer curtains that prevent other customers from seeing much of what you're doing, but the curtains face the main area of the club, so it still doesn't feel all that private.

Club Setup (2/10) – The bar takes up most of the club, and the bar top is wide so that it can double as the stage. There's a small stage in the one corner of the club, but it was empty while I was there. There were a few small tables and a pool table, but everyone seems to stay at the bar.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a relaxed atmosphere, but it isn't somewhere that I could see myself spending much time other than to get the occasional after work beer. While I was there, two customers were trying to buy crack from a dancer, and even though she didn't hook them up, it didn't seem to be all that out of the ordinary.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – Mickey's isn't too far outside of Providence, but it isn't all that close either. It's in a strange residential neighborhood and a lot of the nearby streets are closed, so it's no easy to find if you don't know where you're going.

Overall – This wouldn't be a good club no matter where it was located, but for Rhode Island, it's terrible. Visiting Mickey's was one of the few times that I haven't enjoyed reviewing a club for this site. Knowing that I was spending time and money in this place when Club Fantasies and the Cadillac Lounge were only 20 minutes away was brutal. Assuming that you don't run a strip club review website, there's no reason to put yourself through that.



  1. "While I was there, two customers were trying to buy crack from a dancer..."

    Ummm, could you be more specific here...?

  2. 2 customers were trying to buy the drug. Everyone was trying to buy the body part.

  3. hi peter, i worked at mickeys for a few months, and i will tell you, everything you say is absolutely true true true. obviously didnt come in when i worked there, i am very very sexy! i was probobly the most beautiful girl that ever worked in that place. the first time i walked in i almost left and rick, the owner nearly fell over the bar to stop me. i made decent money there but they fired me because i honestly treated it as party and just couldnt take the place seriously. i was shocked they fired me and i have heard from many girls that the few customers that i did bring in stopped coming and business was even worse. just wanted you to know, at one time mickeys did have a hot girl working there...oh, and the owners son rick would sexually harass me and the other girls on a daily basis...he was such a scumbag!!!

  4. oh, and after i left mickeys i was hired instantly by the foxy lady! lol

  5. Anonymous,

    Thanks for the comment. Sounds like I missed the best Mickey's had to offer. Glad you found your way to the Foxy Lady. What's your dancer name? Maybe I'll swing in for a dance next time I'm in the area.


  6. hey peter,
    i have to say your a tough critic. obviously mickeys has been doing something right. you forgot to mention that the club has been around for wayyyy longer than any club in ri. it may need a face lift but that will come. and as far as the girls. every single club you walk into at least one or two of the girls is a druggie. so you dont have to pick on this club for the same things that go on at every club around the usa. you came on a bad day, probly stayed one hour and left, reall good review man honestly, not

  7. In my experience with Mickey's it is nothing more than a glorified titty bar and I use the word "glorified" loosely. I stop by every once in a while for a beer. Last time I was there they were holding auditions. A sweet young thing came in and left shortly after without dancing. I went out to see why-this girl was hot! Apparently she had taken a taxi there and was told she needed to have her own transportation. I thought it was lame on the owners part. You'd think a club like Mickey's wouldn't be so picky. They should take what they can get cause what they got aint that great!