Quality of Dances (13/20) – Dances are separated into three
different types: Floor dances for $10, semi-private dances for $25, and 3 for
$100 in a more private room. The floor dances are a waste of your time, so I’ll
just review the $25 dances, because they’re likely to be the most common
choice. Those dances are full contact in both directions with a moderate grind
and some over-the-pants hand action. It’s gonna vary girl-by-girl, but as long
as you’re not a complete creep, I’m pretty sure you can get away with whatever
you want in terms of tit groping. However, the industry standard “don’t put your mouth
on my nipples and don’t touch my pussy” rules should apply to nearly
everyone you come across. The lightning-quick pace with which extras were
offered bumps this score a little bit. If you’d never consider extras at a
club, downgrade this number to a 12.
Quality of Dancers (7/10) – Aside from the one dancer who, I
swear, had two rows of teeth (like a shark) and the deplorable number of fake
tits roaming about, I was very pleased with the women. Many, if not most, of
the women on the night shift are smoking hot. The day shift isn't as impressive (it would probably rate as a 6-6.5), but I still can’t imagine anyone being disappointed with
this crop.
Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – With over 20 dancers at a
smallish club, Diamond Dolls stacks up very well here. When I was there, a
Thursday evening, there were at least as many dancers as there were customers.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – Really, I only have
one question here, and it’s applicable to all of South Florida: why the
fuck are there not more Latinas at these clubs? Isn’t Florida supposed to be
teeming with hot Latin women? The beaches certainly are, but they’re nowhere to
be found in the clubs. It’s infuriating. Anyway, you’re looking at mostly white
girls here, with a few black girls mixed in and some decent variety in body
type.
Attitude of Dancers (8.5/10) – I loved these women. They
were hustling in exactly the right way. Many would sit down and shoot the shit
for a while without ever asking for a dance. They were selling, for sure, but
it was a subtle sell. I’m thinking this dynamic arises from the fact that most
of the girls seem much more interested in locking down a big score with
extras than they do in picking off individual dances. I totally get that, for
many strippers, it’s much more fiscally efficient to be popping in and out of
groups of guys asking for dances; I just wish it wouldn’t have to be that way.
I’m so much more likely to go off for a big number on a girl that has hung out
for a while and actually like as a person (or at least one that has convinced me that I like her as a person).
Value (6.5/10) – $5.50 Miller Lites ($3 during the day) and a $5 nighttime cover are
pretty standard, and even though I hate paying to park, it's not a big deal at just $2. There wasn’t great stage value in the traditional sense (e.g.
getting motorboated for a dollar). However, the women definitely weren’t
phoning it in up there. They did everything they could with a short pole and
there was some much appreciated lesbian action. For dances, you’re getting
slightly more than your money’s worth.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) –
Obviously, the dance setup on the floor is awful. The $25 dances take
place in a curtained off room with two seats that face in the same direction
and are partitioned off from one another. Of course, it would be far superior
to only have one seat back there, but the partition provides a decent amount of
privacy. The 3 for $100 dances are in a curtained-off room with a single large
seat: a superb dance setup.
Club Setup (7/10) – Overall, the setup is solid. There are
two bars, one when you first walk in and the other near the main part of the
club and across from the main stage. The main stage itself is nice and long, allowing
multiple girls to dance at once and providing ample seating, and there's another small stage by the VIP area towards the back of the club. I would love to
see some higher ceilings and bigger poles. With a little more flexibility, I
think the dancers here could put on a great show. My main criticism with the
club’s setup is that it’s definitely too narrow. If it were even 15-20 feet
wider, it would allow them to improve their floor seating (which is fine, but
sub-optimal) and create some space for more private areas throughout the club.
.
Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – Accessible music at the right
volume. Good for a party and good to roll solo. The lighting was bright enough
that you could see what you wanted to see, but not so bright as to make things
awkward when some dude fifteen feet away from you is getting a discreet hand
job. Overall, the vibe was laid back, but fun; I could definitely see it
getting rowdy (in a good way) with the right group here.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Technically, this spot is
accessible by cab from Fort Lauderdale, but you’re looking at $30 in each
direction. Because I’m always most concerned with how I’m getting to and from a
club, due to my inability to remain sober for more than a few hours at a time,
that’s a pretty big downside for me.
Overall – Any strip club that sits a quarter of a mile from
a strip mall containing four churches, a bail bondsman, an erotic clothing
shop, and some place called So Deep Productions (which must be a porn
studio) is probably going to get my seal of approval. Diamond Dolls is no
exception to this rule. I definitely would, and probably will, go back.
TOTAL SCORE = 69
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