Las Chavelas (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – My dance was excellent with unlimited two-way contact and plenty of grinding, and the only reason that it wasn’t even better was that I told my girl that I just wanted a dance rather than her other services. I was assured, however, that the price would have included a skilled blowjob, and that promise was confirmed by every server who came by winking and making the international miming symbol for a penis pushing up against the inside of a girl's cheek. 

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – The girls at Las Chavelas are a little older and a little thicker than you'll find elsewhere on Calle Coahuila, but most of them are still pleasant looking and some of them are in the 7-8 range. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – It's hard to get a real good sense of how many girls are working since they're spread throughout the club sitting with customers, but I'd guess that there have been around 2 dozen working during each of my visits. I haven't been here at night because I'm not entirely insane, so maybe the ratio goes down when they're busy, but I've never found a dancer to customer ratio of much worse than 1-to-1. 

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There's some size variation, but if you're not into 25-35 year old Mexican chicks, you're going to be out of luck. 

Attitudes (7/10) – This club works on the girl drink system and the girls sell them hard, but they're the friendliest on the block if you're willing to buy them their $8 beers. I've had girls sit with me for hours without even bringing up the topic of going upstairs, and they're all more than happy to help you practice your Spanish or load up your iTunes with the awesome music that plays in the club.

Value (7/10) – The 2-for-1 $4 beers are a steal and the $8 mini dancer beers aren't too bad for the amount of time that it gets you with the girl, and there's no cover. $48 for dances seems ridiculous at first, but it also gets you an hour in the private VIP room upstairs and probably a BJ or more, so it's hard to complain about that too much. Unfortunately, unless you 're into slow dancing with the girls on stage as many of the locals do, the stage value is usually petty poor. I did get to witness some excitement once when police chased a guy through the club and over the main stage, but I think, or at least I hope, that's not a regular occurrence.

Club Setup (6/10) – The most notable thing about Las Chavelas is the unique Western theme, with pretty much everything being made of wood or stone, lots of cow skulls around the room, and cactus shaped bar stools. Despite the gimmick, this is a reasonably nice place with bars in the front and the back and a ton of booth seating throughout the club. The booths are big enough for two guys to sit comfortably and two girls to snuggle up next to them, which is usually what happens.  The main stage is front and center in the club, so everyone should have a good view of it, and the live music stage off to the right side looks pretty solid, though I’ve unfortunately never seen it in use.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Dances are given in private VIP rooms on the second floor of the club. Each room is just for one guy and one girl, but they’re reasonably large, have soft bench seating around the outside, and have a door that closes and thick curtain that closes off the opening to the main part of the club. The nice thing is that, once you’re finished with your dance, you can open the curtain and look out over the club from your private room for the remainder of the hour. It’s easily among my favorite dance setups of all time. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – I have to admit upfront that I love this place. The Nortenas music is awesome, cheap beer makes everything better, and you'll almost certainly never see an American unless he's lost, he's one of my readers, or he's me. Having said that, I get the impression that this isn't the safest place in the world at night for white guys. At Hong Kong and Adelita, I think the staff keeps an eye on the Americans to make sure they aren't drawing the wrong kind of attention from any other customers, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. 

Location (0/5) – I can’t give them any credit for the location since you’re going to have to cross the border to get there and it’s not particularly safe, but it’s right between Hong Kong and Adelita, so it’s easy enough to stop by quickly if you’re visiting either of the two more famous clubs on the block.

Overall – Don’t bother going to Las Chavelas on your first trip to Tijuana, but it’s a nice option for 2-for-1 beers in the afternoon if you’ve made several visits to Hong Kong and Adelita and are ready for a more authentic Mexican strip club experience.

RAW SCORE = 62