Some people say that Hong Kong and the neighboring Adelita Bar are strip clubs. Other people say that they’re whorehouses. The truth is, they’re whatever you want them to be. If you want to down a few beers while looking at some of the most beautiful women in the world, they’re strip clubs to you. If you want to grab a girl, negotiate a deal and then fuck, they’re brothels. And if you want to take in the sights, have a few beers, find your favorite girl and then take her upstairs, they’re pretty much heaven. I’m a strip club expert, so that’s what my scores are based on, but just know that these places have even more to offer than the scores would suggest.
Quality of Dances (18/20) – The ladies don’t want to do anything for $20 that’s going to prevent you from dropping $70 for sex, but short of trying to finish you off, these dances are as good as they could possibly be. The girls get naked and provide full upper and lower body two-way contact. And if you're left wanting more, that can be easily arranged.
Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – I admit that I have a thing for Mexicans, but these are some of the hottest that I've seen. Some look a little worn out and there are more implants than I’d like to see, but a substantial portion of this workforce could pass for models or actresses. Young, in good shape and willing makes for a very nice experience.
Number of Dancers (10/10) – It doesn’t get much better than a dozen or more girls dancing at a time. And when I say “dancing,” I don’t mean working the crowd; I mean stripping naked on a stage or a bar. Since a lot of the girls disappear to the motel upstairs for a half hour at a time, it’s tough to get an accurate count of how many girls are actually working, but it’s among the most that I’ve ever seen at a club. You might have to wait a while if you have your heart set on a particular girl, but you’ll never be at a want for attention from some true beauties.
Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s some size variation and a mix of natural and enhanced ladies, but you’re out of luck if you don’t like Mexicans. Luckily, that’s not an issue for me. At all.
Attitudes (3.5/10) – The language barrier is expected since the club is in Mexico, but since I’m writing this from an American strip club goer’s perspective, I’m going to have to dock them a few points because it really does make communication difficult with some of the ladies. Still, hand gestures and dollar bills are universal enough that you won’t have any problem getting what you want, just don’t count on having any meaningful conversation unless your Spanish is at least passable. Having said that, most of the girls are really friendly if you do manage to understand each other, and their enthusiasm for putting on a stunning stage show is admirable.
Value (10/10) – There’s technically no cover, but you’re expected to buy a $4 Sol and to hand out dollar tips to various employees throughout your visit. That’s a very small price to pay, though, for the best stage show that I’ve ever seen. You really can’t look any direction without seeing a naked dime, but the real action is in the back of the club. That’s where the lesbian action goes on, both in a bubble bath and on a shaving cream covered stage, and most of the ladies don’t seem to have any problem with guys inserting a finger or getting a taste at the stage for a dollar. Whether eating out a Tijuana prostitute is a good idea is up to you, but it’s hard to knock the value that the opportunity presents. At night, the shows are even more ridiculous. A girl basically rubs herself with a vibrator until a customer offers a dollar, then she hands it over to allow the guy to insert it a few times. And even if you don’t want to leave your seat, a dollar will be plenty to get you a feel or a mini table dance. Real, fairly long lap dances are a reasonable value at $21, but they aren’t terribly popular since it’s not as great of a deal as the half hour sessions in the motel upstairs. That will run you somewhere around $90, with $70 going to the girl, $16 going to the motel, $1 going to the club for a robe so that the girl can take the two steps down the street to the motel without getting dressed, and another buck or two to the guys who will clean up the room after your half hour romp. All told, the price for sex will be about $15 more here than at Adelita Bar, but either way, you’re banging a model-quality girl for less than a Benjamin, so I wouldn’t sweat it.
Dance Setup (8/10) – Dances are given up on the balcony level of the club in individual closed booths. The doors to the booths let in some light, but it’s very private since no one can see in, and the guy who keeps track of the time has the courtesy to knock on the door when your time’s up rather than opening the door and seeing what you’re up to.
If you’re looking to get more intimate with a lady, that action technically takes place outside of the club, though it’s really just a few steps from the club’s door to the motel’s door. The rooms are simple but relatively clean, and they each have a shower and a toilet so you can clean up before or after your “date.”
Atmosphere (7/10) – The party atmosphere in the place is amazing in the evening, and even better at night. Clubs that are filled with girls who fuck for money can be depressing if the atmosphere isn’t perfect, but there's an energy at Hong Kong like I’ve only seen at some of the Vegas clubs. Guys just come here looking for a party, and the girls are more than willing to provide it. Even if you aren’t looking to get your dick wet, the hot girls, the cold beer, and the jaw dropping stage show make this a perfect place for a night out with the boys. Or at least it would be if you could fully let your guard down, which you probably shouldn't if you're a relative Tijuana newbie.
Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Hong Kong for $5. The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider. Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money. If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off. It should be particularly safe if you keep your visit to daylight hours, but I've felt perfectly safe while drinking here into the early morning. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Hong Kong makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location.
RAW SCORE = 75.5
Overall – Hong Kong is one of, if not the, best brothels in North America. More importantly for my purposes, it is one of, if not the, best strip clubs I’ve ever been to. If it were located 200 yards to the north, it would be pretty much perfect. Of course, if it were located 200 yards to the north, the San Diego Police Department would have it shut down immediately.