Hong Kong (Tijuana, Mexico)

Some people say that Hong Kong and the neighboring Adelita Bar are strip clubs.  Other people say that they’re whorehouses.  The truth is, they’re whatever you want them to be.  If you want to down a few beers while looking at some of the most beautiful women in the world, they’re strip clubs to you.  If you want to grab a girl, negotiate a deal and then fuck, they’re brothels.  And if you want to take in the sights, have a few beers, find your favorite girl and then take her upstairs, they’re pretty much heaven.  I’m a strip club expert, so that’s what my scores are based on, but just know that these places have even more to offer than the scores would suggest. 

Quality of Dances (18/20) – The ladies don’t want to do anything for $20 that’s going to prevent you from dropping $70 for sex, but short of trying to finish you off, these dances are as good as they could possibly be.  The girls get naked and provide full upper and lower body two-way contact.   And if you're left wanting more, that can be easily arranged.   

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – I admit that I have a thing for Mexicans, but these are some of the hottest that I've seen.  Some look a little worn out and there are more implants than I’d like to see, but a substantial portion of this workforce could pass for models or actresses.  Young, in good shape and willing makes for a very nice experience.  

Number of Dancers (10/10) – It doesn’t get much better than a dozen or more girls dancing at a time.  And when I say “dancing,” I don’t mean working the crowd; I mean stripping naked on a stage or a bar.  Since a lot of the girls disappear to the motel upstairs for a half hour at a time, it’s tough to get an accurate count of how many girls are actually working, but it’s among the most that I’ve ever seen at a club.  You might have to wait a while if you have your heart set on a particular girl, but you’ll never be at a want for attention from some true beauties. 

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s some size variation and a mix of natural and enhanced ladies, but you’re out of luck if you don’t like Mexicans.  Luckily, that’s not an issue for me.  At all. 

Attitudes (3.5/10) – The language barrier is expected since the club is in Mexico, but since I’m writing this from an American strip club goer’s perspective, I’m going to have to dock them a few points because it really does make communication difficult with some of the ladies.  Still, hand gestures and dollar bills are universal enough that you won’t have any problem getting what you want, just don’t count on having any meaningful conversation unless your Spanish is at least passable.  Having said that, most of the girls are really friendly if you do manage to understand each other, and their enthusiasm for putting on a stunning stage show is admirable.   

Value (10/10) – There’s technically no cover, but you’re expected to buy a $4 Sol and to hand out dollar tips to various employees throughout your visit.  That’s a very small price to pay, though, for the best stage show that I’ve ever seen.  You really can’t look any direction without seeing a naked dime, but the real action is in the back of the club.  That’s where the lesbian action goes on, both in a bubble bath and on a shaving cream covered stage, and most of the ladies don’t seem to have any problem with guys inserting a finger or getting a taste at the stage for a dollar.  Whether eating out a Tijuana prostitute is a good idea is up to you, but it’s hard to knock the value that the opportunity presents.  At night, the shows are even more ridiculous.  A girl basically rubs herself with a vibrator until a customer offers a dollar, then she hands it over to allow the guy to insert it a few times.  And even if you don’t want to leave your seat, a dollar will be plenty to get you a feel or a mini table dance.  Real, fairly long lap dances are a reasonable value at $21, but they aren’t terribly popular since it’s not as great of a deal as the half hour sessions in the motel upstairs.  That will run you somewhere around $90, with $70 going to the girl, $16 going to the motel, $1 going to the club for a robe so that the girl can take the two steps down the street to the motel without getting dressed, and another buck or two to the guys who will clean up the room after your half hour romp.  All told, the price for sex will be about $15 more here than at Adelita Bar, but either way, you’re banging a model-quality girl for less than a Benjamin, so I wouldn’t sweat it. 

Club Setup (9/10) – Hong Kong is a great looking club.   The perfect lighting and numerous stages throughout the room ensure that everyone will have a good view of something worth viewing, and there are enough places to sit that you should be able to find a seat that’s perfect for your mood.  There are a few bars, there are plenty of places to sit or stand in the middle of the action, there are small booths around the outside where you can chat up a girl or relax while taking in the sights, and there’s even an upstairs balcony area towards the front of the club where you can look down at some of the stages, although that’s a little too far from the action to be ideal once the novelty of the unique vantage point wears off. My favorite place is probably near the back of the club where you have a great view of the shaving cream and bubble bath shows (on the main level during the day and upstairs at night), but there really isn’t a bad seat in the house.

Dance Setup (8/10) – Dances are given up on the balcony level of the club in individual closed booths.  The doors to the booths let in some light, but it’s very private since no one can see in, and the guy who keeps track of the time has the courtesy to knock on the door when your time’s up rather than opening the door and seeing what you’re up to.

If you’re looking to get more intimate with a lady, that action technically takes place outside of the club, though it’s really just a few steps from the club’s door to the motel’s door.  The rooms are simple but relatively clean, and they each have a shower and a toilet so you can clean up before or after your “date.”   

Atmosphere (7/10) – The party atmosphere in the place is amazing in the evening, and even better at night. Clubs that are filled with girls who fuck for money can be depressing if the atmosphere isn’t perfect, but there's an energy at Hong Kong like I’ve only seen at some of the Vegas clubs.  Guys just come here looking for a party, and the girls are more than willing to provide it.  Even if you aren’t looking to get your dick wet, the hot girls, the cold beer, and the jaw dropping stage show make this a perfect place for a night out with the boys.  Or at least it would be if you could fully let your guard down, which you probably shouldn't if you're a relative Tijuana newbie. 

Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Hong Kong for $5.  The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider.  Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money.  If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off. It should be particularly safe if you keep your visit to daylight hours, but I've felt perfectly safe while drinking here into the early morning. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Hong Kong makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location.   

RAW SCORE = 75.5

Overall – Hong Kong is one of, if not the, best brothels in North America.  More importantly for my purposes, it is one of, if not the, best strip clubs I’ve ever been to.  If it were located 200 yards to the north, it would be pretty much perfect.  Of course, if it were located 200 yards to the north, the San Diego Police Department would have it shut down immediately. 

If you’ve never been there before, I’m sure that your real question is whether it’s worth the risk to go, but you’ll have to answer that question for yourself.  For me, though, it’s a no brainer – any time that I find myself in Southern California, I make a trip to Hong Kong.  

Adelita Bar (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (0/20) – There are no lapdances at Adelita  The thought is that no one would want to get a dance from a girl when they could just as easily bang them in the motel upstairs and, for the most part, they’re probably right.  Having said that, there are plenty of guys who love dances but draw the line somewhere short of fucking a Tijuana hooker and there are other guys who would be willing to pay $20 as a warmup for the real action, so I was disappointed by this.   A lot of the ladies rub your crotch, some hop on your lap for the sales pitch and one even offered to dance for me if I paid her the going rate for fucking, but I’m not counting any of that as lapdances.   

If you’re looking for sex, though, you’re in luck.  Once you find a girl you like, you offer her $60 and she’ll take you to the motel upstairs for a bj and sex (both with a condom).  You can probably negotiate anal or a bareback blowjob with some of the girls if you’re willing to drop some extra cash, but I can’t imagine coming here so often that you’re bored by the straightforward options.  They aren’t allowed to have the rooms right in the club, so you have to take a few steps outside of the front door of the club, then you go right up the stairs to a room with a bed, a shower and a toilet.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s good enough for what you need, and it’s surprisingly clean.  The half hour time limit is strictly enforced by the motel employees, so you shouldn’t waste too much time getting down to business if you’ve got some stamina, but the actual sex if going to be as good as the girl you chose.  If you invest some time into looking around the club and finding a girl who you have at least a little chemistry with, you should not be disappointed.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There are some stunning Mexican dancers at Adelita, but I find them to be a slight step down from what I've seen at Hong Kong.  There are a few more implants and the average age is a little older here, but it would still take a very demanding customer to not be impressed by the overall talent level and in awe of a few of the ladies.

Number of Dancers (9/10) – There are usually around 3-5 ladies dancing at a time, and the room is always filled with ladies working the crowd.  The place was packed with customers, but there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – The ages range from barely legal to late 30’s, there are plenty of natural and fake tits, they’ve got dark skinned and light skinned ladies and several of the dancers have dyed blond hair, but if you don’t like Mexicans, you’re SOL.  Fortunately for me, I love Mexicans.   

Attitudes (4.5/10) – There can be a bit of a language barrier here if you don’t speak Spanish, but I did find that it seemed to be less of an issue at Adelita than at Hong Kong, probably due in part to their ages. More of the Adelita dancers have been around since back when Americans regularly came down to Tijuana to party, but the early 20’s crowd has never had that, so they’ve never had a real reason to pick up English.  If you can manage to understand them, they’re all very friendly and and make lots of generous promises that I’m sure most of them keep.

Value (10/10) – There’s no cover, ice cold Sol is $3.25 and you can basically do whatever you want at the stage for a buck.  Want to show appreciation for the show? A dollar.  Grab a tit? A dollar.  Insert a finger?  A dollar.  Lick some puss?  A dollar, though you might want to save your cash for some antibiotics if eating out a Tijuana prostitute sounds like a good idea to you.  For the price of a $7 lady beer, you can have someone join you at your table, and most of them will sit on your lap or rub your crotch while they down their beer. If you’re looking to actually bang these ladies, the going rate is $60 to the girl plus an additional total of around $15 for the room, the robe for the girl to cover up while you take the two steps to the motel, and the guys who straighten up the sheets when you’re done. 

Club Setup (7/10) – There’s just one large room to Adelita.  There’s a long bar off to the right when you walk in, several stages throughout the room, booths around the outer walls and some additional booths closer to the stages.   The lighting is good and it’s just generally a nice setup to check out the ladies whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them. 

Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup. 

Atmosphere (6/10) – It’s a little more laidback than the party over at Hong Kong, but it’s still clear that everyone is here to have a good time.  Their security staff supposedly looks out for Americans to make sure that you aren't drawing the wrong type of attention, but the fact that you can never fully let your guard down knocks this score down a little from what would otherwise be a 9/10.  

Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Adelita for $5.  The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider.  Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money.  If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off, particularly if you keep your visit to daylight hours. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Adelita makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location. 

TOTAL SCORE = 46.5

Overall = Adelita is a good but not great strip club.  It can’t hurt to peek your head in if you’re at Hong Kong anyway, but it’s really not worth going to Tijuana strictly for Adelita if you’re truly just looking to do some sightseeing.  Having said that, it’s an excellent brothel, so it’s worth the effort to get here if you're planning to take full advantage of their services. 

Jumbo's Clown Room (Los Angeles, CA)

Quality of Dances (1/20) – The girls rub up against you a fair amount, but all that you really need to know is that the clothes stay on and your hands have to stay at your sides.  The bottom line is that these dances are a waste of time and money, though the classic rock that’s frequently playing does at least mean that you’ll get a fairly long stretch of clothed awkwardness for your $20.  

  

Quality of Dancers (6/10) – Maybe the knowledge that Courtney Love was a dancer here lowered my expectations too much, but I was actually impressed by the ladies that were working.  There were one or two young ones and one or two who were probably in their 40’s, but most of them were fit girls in their mid to late 20s with real tits.  Unfortunately, I have no idea how they looked with their clothes off, because I never saw any of their wearing less than a bra and thong.  I don’t know whether they ever strip down to less than that or not, but they didn’t while I was there.  

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Jumbo’s had a dozen girls working the evening shift and about half that during the day, which isn’t too bad since the place is tiny and since you shouldn’t be looking for a girl for a lap dance anyway.   

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There’s some age variation and about an equal number of blondes and brunettes, but if white ladies aren’t your thing, you’ll probably want to go elsewhere. 

Attitudes (7/10) – They’re are all happy to sit and chat and seem to enjoy joking around with customers and with each other. For the most part, I got the impression that these ladies really do work here because they enjoy it rather than because they feel like they need to, and the positive vibes are noticeable.       

Value (4/10) – The lack of a cover charge is a good deal, $5 beers aren’t bad and $20 dances would usually be acceptable, but I need better bargains than that to consider it to be a good value in a bikini club.  Plus the stage show is pretty lame even if you can ignore the fact that the ladies are wearing as much clothing as the average beach-goer, and tipping at the stage doesn’t seem to get them to step their game up.  Regardless of what you do, they just do their thing… which isn’t much.

Club Setup (2/10) – Jumbo’s is the smallest club that I’ve ever been to.  There’s a bar in the back of the club, several seats at the medium sized stage, five small round tables and a few stools by a tall bench, but even with the mirrored wall to make things seem bigger than they really are, this place still feels tiny. 

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There’s only one seat for lap dances and the a light above it  shines on you like a spotlight. There’s a divider between the lap dance seat and the bench beside it, but it doesn’t really block anyone’s view.  Though I guess no one will be catching you in a compromising position anyway.

Atmosphere (8/10) – If there’s any reason to visit Jumbo’s, it’s the atmosphere.  They play lots of solid classic rock, there’s little to no hustle, and it’s so non-threatening that the Zagat raters got to it before I did, so it’s the perfect place to take a girlfriend or a buddy who doesn’t normally visit strip clubs.

Location (5/5) – The club is in Thai Town in East Hollywood and is only about half a block from the Anthony Bourdain-recommended Sapp Coffee Shop.  If you’re getting dinner in the area anyway, and I’m glad that I did, the location could not possibly be more convenient. 

Overall – It doesn't work as a strip club, but that isn't necessarily what Jumbo's is going for anyway.  If you enjoy bikini clubs, you'll probably like it because it does have a good atmosphere and relatively attractive, friendly dancers.  

RAW SCORE = 37.5

North Hollywood Deja Vu (North Hollywood, CA)

Quality of Dances (13.5/20) – The narrow booths mean that you won’t be able to spread your legs to the optimal grind-inducing angle, but, otherwise, these dances are very good with full two-way contact often encouraged and almost always tolerated.  Several of the ladies implied that extra services would be available during the VIP sessions, but I got the feeling that this was more of a sales pitch than a promise, at least from most of them. 

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – Most of the ladies are fairly young and attractive, and I was surprised to see that there were less implants in the room during my visit than at most of the other clubs in southern California.  And you should particularly enjoy the sights if you’re into the porn star look, because several of these ladies are in the industry.  Though hearing about how a girl just finished shooting a blow bang scene didn’t really make her more attractive in my eyes. 

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were about twenty women working on the Sunday night of my visit, and since the club was dead, that should have been more than enough.  Unfortunately, only one or two women were working the sparse crowd for most of the evening since everyone else was doing who-knows-what in the dressing room.  Still, the total number meant that patient customers had plenty of women to chose from.

Variety of Dancers (4.5/5) – They lose half a point because almost all of the ladies were on the thin side, but the variety was otherwise perfect.  Black, white, Latina and Asian ladies were all well represented. 

Attitudes (2/10) – A few of these ladies were nice, but overall, I was less than impressed.  My biggest issue is that most of them were content to stay in the dressing room, presumably waiting for their regulars to show up, rather than cultivating new business.  I could see if one or two girls were in bad moods and were doing that, but it was easily three-quarters of the workforce.   The worst were the girls who would line up on the stage for the dance specials, then walk straight to the dressing room without even giving customers a chance to give them some money.   If you don’t want my money, I’m fine with hanging onto it, but why even show up if that’s your attitude? 

Plus, when some of the ladies did mingle, I kindof wished that they hadn’t.  One in particular had a real attitude when I turned down her offer for a dance, saying, “Oh, so you’re just hanging out taking in the free show?”  No, I’ve spent a few hundred dollars on other girls over the last hour while you were busy sitting in the dressing room. 

Value (6/10) – Dances are a solid value, and since they have the dance counting machines, you can’t be ripped off.  If you’re not familiar with those machines, you insert your money before the dance, then it counts down the time until the end of the dance, when a red light goes on, alerting you that your dance is over unless you add more cash. The regular dances are $20 for about 3 minutes, dances in the couch area are $60 for three songs and the normal VIP price is $150.  The cover charge is a steep $20, but that’s understandable since this is an alcohol-free club and you can get free sodas throughout your visit.  Plus you can save half of the cover charge by printing out this free admission coupon – and, no, that’s sadly not a typo.  They claim that of the $20 fee to get in, $10 is for admission (that’s waived with the coupon) and $10 is for an “entertainment fee” that you still have to pay.  As long as you consider that money to be going toward the sodas that you’ll drink, it’s doesn’t seem like too much of a rip off. 

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a fairly large club, with a ton of small tables with rolly chairs spread throughout the room.  The crowd area is a little brighter than I’d like, but the lighting on stage is tastefully bright, and everyone has a nice view of the ladies.  The stage itself is fairly nice and they even have a rain making machine that can be a fun way to waste $20.  The way it works is that you put a $20 bill into the machine, and it will either give you 19 ones back or you can press a button so that it will rain 19 ones down on the stage.  It’s gimmicky, but I did it once to try it, and the girl came over afterwards and seemed to be genuinely appreciative to get her money that way rather than through the normal tipping routine.  And, since a happy dancer makes for a happy customer, it ended up being $20 well spent.   

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance booths are tiny, but that has it’s pluses and minuses.  On the bright side, it means that you have a good bit of privacy, especially since they’re angled in a way that really prevents anyone from getting a direct view of what you’re up to.  The drawback, however, is that larger customers might feel a little cramped and your legs aren’t going to be able to spread wide enough to allow for maximum access.  Besides that, the only thing that’s noteworthy about the dance setup is the aforementioned dance counting machines, which really do add to the experience by eliminating the need to divert some of your attention from the girl to counting to make sure that you aren’t being ripped off.  I really wish every club had those machines. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – Maybe it was the lack of alcohol combined with the lack of a bar within walking distance, or maybe it was the long stretches of empty stage, or maybe it was the slightly rough looking crowd, but, whatever it was, the bottom line is that I didn’t particularly enjoy hanging out at this club.  It wasn’t bad enough to keep me away and I wouldn’t mind sticking around if a girl caught my eye, but I would never plan on spending my evening here.

Location (3/5) – The club is in an industrial part of North Hollywood beside the railroad tracks.  I don’t really know the neighborhood so I’m not sure whether it’s a safe area, but you can valet park your car in a garage inside the building for a few bucks, so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. 

Overall – The North Hollywood Deja Vu is a nice club and is worth a visit if you’re in the area, but the fact that most of the girls hang out in the dressing room the majority of the time makes it frustrating to the point that I can’t recommend going too far out of your way to get there.  If you’re going to travel to get to a Deja Vu, just go to the one in the City of Industry, because it’s a significantly better club. 

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Deja Vu (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Just like at the other big City of Industry clubs, the lap dances are very nice with full two-way contact and enough of a grind to help the girls segue into their VIP sales pitch.  Back there, different girls have different limits (one was apologetic for only offering to lend a helping hand even though I hadn’t indicated that I wanted anything more than a lap dance), but you should be able to find someone who is willing to do whatever it is that you’re looking to have done.  It won’t be cheap and there will be some upsell if you agree to go to the VIP before you clearly agree to specific services for a specific amount of money, but that’s true everyone and isn’t nearly as bad here as it is at the Spearmint Rhino.  

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – A lot of these ladies are a little rough around the edges.  Most of them are passable but unspectacular and a few are just sloppy, but I’ve seen at least one stunner and a few pretty good girls during each of my visits.  As long as you’re patient, you shouldn’t have a major problem finding a few girls who are more than worthy of your dance money. 

Number of Dancers (8/10) – For a fairly small club, they have a ton of dancers, with more than two dozen lining up for the 2-4-1 cattle calls.  Unfortunately, that’s the only time that you’ll see them all since a large percentage of them is either in the dressing room or off giving dances, but there are still more than enough to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – I couldn’t ask for any more from a club.  During my first night there I saw Asian chicks, white chicks, black chicks, Latina chicks, young chicks, old chicks, skinny chicks, chubby chicks and possibly even a chick who was born with a dick.  I can’t confirm that last one though. 

Attitudes (4/10) – The girls rarely sit with guys to chat and the “wannadance?” routine can get old quickly, but most of them are pretty friendly once you do get dances. Plus, the attitudes are significantly less important here than they are at any other club (other than a few other CA Deja Vu location), because they have no way to rip you off during the dances.  For the dances, you have to insert your money into a machine that counts down until the money is gone, then the light changes red and your dance is over.  If it’s a 2-4-1 or some other kind of special, the machine calculates that, so the girls couldn’t miscount dances if they tried.  Of course, they could still give shitty dances or not deliver on promised services, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.     

Value (8/10) – The $20 cover is steep, but sodas are free, no one tries to get you to buy sodas for girls and the stage value is excellent.  Shelby, in particular, put on the best stage show I’ve ever seen, with a nice mix of pole acrobatics, floor work and crowd interaction.  Even the pole cleaning routine is turned into a fun little production with the waitresses wearing sexy maid outfits and parading around while wiping it down.  More importantly, though, dances are an excellent value.   The topless version is only $10 each, but since I only had $20s, I just put them into the machine and it calculated the time for me.  If you’re looking for nude dances they’re $40 for some amount of time that’s longer than one song, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone about how long they are.  VIP sessions are $150 for a half hour plus whatever you negotiate with the girls for specific services.  At those rates, everything is a decent deal anyway, but it’s even better if you wait for specials and/or go on the right night, since VIPs are only $100 on Thursdays, dances are 10% longer on Sundays and topless dances are frequently discounted to 3-for-$20. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The club is nice enough, but the circle of chairs lined up around the room is a little awkward.  There are at least a few benches in the back of the club, but there still aren’t enough seats for weekend nights.  The stage does allow for some good shows, though, since the two tall poles are able to rotate, allowing some of the more skilled girls to do some very impressive tricks.   The other thing that I like about the club is that they have a rain making machine that will rain down 19 ones over the stage for every $20 that you enter.  It’s gimmicky, but it’s a fun gimmick, and the girl gets the same out of money that she’d get if you got your ones at the bar since you’d tip a dollar for that anyway.  Unfortunately, the machine was out of order when I was there, but hopefully that was just a temporary problem.  If you’re really curious to try it, the one at the North Hollywood Deja Vu was working, though it’s honestly not cool enough to justify the drive.       

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – You’ll get your own booth for the topless dances, but you should know that these are much smaller than the average lap dance booth.  That’s both a good and a bad thing though.  On the bright side, the walls of the booth are so close to you that no one can really see what you’re up to, but the downside is that big guys might be uncomfortable and no guys will be able to spread their legs to the optimal angle for a proper grind.  The VIP area is much more private, especially in the last room, since the only opening to the large cubicle areas can be blocked with moveable fake trees.  The couches desperately need to be replaced, but they’re comfortable enough for whatever activities you want to do back there.  The dance counting machines are in the VIP area as well as the regular lap dance area, so you can monitor the countdown timer.  It’s based on dollars and cents rather than minutes, but it doesn’t take long to figure out roughly how much time you have left. 

Atmosphere (4/10) – This is another California club that decided that bottomless ladies add more to a strip club experience than booze.  I can’t say that I agree, but there is at least a bar next door where you can down a few beers before heading into the club.  As for the club itself, the seating arrangement makes it less than ideal for large groups and the crowd can be a little rough, but the music is a decent mix of rap and dubstep and, even though he’s incomprehensible, the DJ isn’t too obnoxious.  Overall, but this is a fairly comfortable place to hang out and has as much of a party vibe as an alcohol-free club can have.          

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive.  Deja Vu is only a few minutes away from the very nice Spearmint Rhino and the solid Synn, so the location is perfect for making a night out of hitting the clubs.    

Overall - The City of Industry Deja Vu is my favorite of the clubs that I've been to in California and my favorite of the half dozen Deja Vu clubs that I've been to.  The girls aren't as consistently hot as at the Spearmint Rhino or Synn, but this would be my first stop of the night to see if you can find a girl to your liking for less money than you'd spend at the other places.  

RAW SCORE = 61

Synn (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (15/20) - Just like at the other two big City of Industry clubs (Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino), two way contact is expected and tit groping is encouraged.  Some of the ladies even directed my hand to the bikini zone, and even though that's not something that I'm looking to do in a club, it just shows what good sports these ladies are.  There is some grinding and over the pants rubbing with their hand, but that's more to wake up junior to help with the VIP sales pitch than to actually get you near the edge.  

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – The high end of talent is comparable to the best of the Rhino and the low end is comparable to the worse of Deja Vu.  That’s to say that there’s a huge variation in talent at Synn, but they do a pretty solid job of keeping the best of the best on stage.  The drawback of that is that the lesser girls are the ones who are free to work the crowd. 

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have more than enough dancers, at least on weekend evenings, but I have two complaints here.  First, a large percentage of the girls are hanging out in the dressing room at any given time, so you only see the full lineup when they do their pre-special parades.  Second, there are too many unattractive dancers.  Since the hottest girls are the ones who are usually in the dressing room, you’ll have a parade of nasties asking if you want a dance a few times every song.  They’d be better off trimming the workforce a little because it’s hard to relax the way it is now. 

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – No matter your type, you’ll find it here.  Thin, thick, tall, short, young, old, black, white, Asian, Latina, tattooed, implanted, all natural – it’s all here. 

Attitudes (2/10) – This is one of the big things that drops Synn below Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino in my book.  The girls do chat with customers a little bit and seem decent enough, but I had a very tough time getting a straight answer on dance prices and half the girls wouldn’t volunteer that there are $20 topless dances in addition to the more expensive nude version.  The worst part, though, is that several girls tried to get away with charging full song prices for half a song.  That’s bad anyway, but was particularly frustrating coming from Deja Vu, where the dance counting machines make it impossible for a girl to rip you off. 

Value (3.5/10) – The $20 cover is rough and only covers one soda.  Sodas are only $2 after that and you probably aren’t trying to load up on Coke anyway, but it’s the principle of the matter.  Dances aren’t bad at $20 for topless or 2-4-$40 for nude, but their specials aren’t as good as at the other local clubs (where you can get 3 for $40) and their VIP prices are ridiculous.  I didn’t try to negotiate, but I kept hearing $250-300 without any promises of what that would get me.  I’m assuming that anything that justifies a trip to the City of Industry would be upsold from there.  The nude stage show is at least solid and not many people tip, so you can stretch your cash if you can manage to fight off the stream of girls who offer you dances. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The stage is both the best and the worst thing about the setup at Synn.  It’s probably the best looking stage I’ve ever seen, with a large marble fountain behind it that is pretty sweet even though it doesn’t work.  The stage lighting is very good too, with the color changing with each song.  The problem is that it’s almost too nice for this place, and it makes the dancer seem to be in a different world.  There are seats at the stage, but they don’t seem to be very popular.  The other seating isn’t anything fancy, but it’s sufficient.  There are a few benches and tiny stools on the main level and there are some tables down a few steps to the level that has the stage, and everyone has a nice view of the stage.  Overall, it isn’t a bad setup, but it does contribute to the less than stellar atmosphere, plus the fact that you have to walk through a porn store to leave is just odd.  

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance area is a long narrow hallways that’s up a few stairs from the main level of the club.  You’ll get your own reasonably large booth that prevents anyone from seeing you unless they’re walking by, and they’ll only be walking by if they’re on their way to or from their own dances. 

Atmosphere (2.5/10) – It’s hard to explain, but there’s a very cold, impersonal vibe in this place despite the constantly approaching ladies.  I think maybe the stage is too far from the bulk of the crowd and the lack of alcohol doesn’t help matters, but there’s more to it than that.  It’s just not a place that I could see myself hanging out, either with friends or while flying solo. 

Location (3/5) – Synn is practically within walking distance of the Spearmint Rhino and isn’t too far from Deja Vu, but you’re going to have to travel to get there since there aren’t many nearby hotels and no one lives in the area. 

Overall – Synn is a pretty solid club that’s a distant 3^rd in what is essentially a three-club town.  It’s worth a visit if you strike out at the other Industry clubs, but the cold atmosphere and the constant sales pitches from unattractive dancers mean that it would never be my intended destination for a night out. 

RAW SCORE = 53.5