Rio Strip Bar (Prague, Czech Republic)

Quality of Dances (10/20) – The dances at Rio are about standard for the sex-free Prague clubs – the girls get naked and allow full two-way contact, but don’t grind much at all.  These dances are a little less enjoyable than at the other places, though, because you have to spend the entire time shooting down the dancers’ requests for you to buy more time.  Don’t fall for it. In my drunken stupor, I allowed myself to be talked into getting an “erotic massage,” which ended up just being a longer version of the lapdances except that the girl covered herself in lotion and I rubbed in in for a few seconds.  I guess that’s somewhat erotic, but it was definitely no massage. 

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – I don’t think you’ll ever find unattractive girls in Prague, in or our of the strip clubs, but these ladies are a step below those in the other Wenceslas Square area clubs.

Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – This is a small club, so even though there isn’t a huge number of dancers, there’s plenty to ensure that you’re accompanied and/or harassed throughout your visit. 

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – As in most of the other Prague clubs, there isn’t a whole lot of racial or body type diversity at Rio.  You better like your ladies white and thin, because that’s all they’ve got.

Attitudes (0/10) – The hustle is off the charts in here. It’s obvious that they’re relying on ripping off a new set of tourists each night rather than cultivating repeat business, because they’re constantly trying to sell you the next dance (even if you’ve just started your first dance) and the next drink (even if you’ve just bought them one).  It’s especially bad since, unlike at the other Prague clubs, the lady drink prices are not clearly displayed and they will not tell you the prices unless you ask, so drunken visitors who don’t know any better get quite a shock when the bill comes. 

Value (0.5/10) – The prices are all about what you’d expect for a tourist trap strip club.  The 500 czk (about $25 US) cover charge is good for 2 shots, the stage value is ok, and beers are 150 czk each, but the dances are outrageously priced, with the cheapest option going for 1650 czk and the “erotic massage” being 2500 czk.  For comparison, you can get laid for less than that at several of the Prague clubs.  When you add in the fact that they’re constantly trying to hustle you and you’re not going to be in the best of mental states for fighting off the hustle, this ends up being the last place I’d go if I were trying to stretch a dollar.  Though, truthfully, it’s the last place I’d go no matter what I was trying to do.  

Club Setup (2/10) – Rio is a tiny club with a main room that has some chairs and a few couches around a small stage and a separate bar area in the back. Even with mirrored walls to make it seem larger than it is, it’s still claustrophobic. The seating is fairly limited, so you might end up sitting with other groups, but all the hustling means there’s enough turnover that you shouldn’t be stuck with them for too long.   

Dance Setup (10/10) – You get a private room for dances, so I don’t have any complaints here.  I believe that each dance room is a little different, but they all have chairs or couches and at least some of them have mirrored walls so you can view your girl from different angles.  You really can’t get a better dance setup than this. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – There’s actually a bit of a party vibe in here, surely aided by all the drunken bachelor partiers who haven’t yet realized that their tab will be for 10s of thousands of Czech crowns, but having to be on guard for scams is no way for the informed strip club goer to party or relax.

Location (5/5) – Rio is in the main alley that runs from Wenceslas Square to the Old Town Square.  It’s tourist central, which might make you tempted to poke your head inside, but remember that there are a half dozen better clubs within a five minute walk of here.

Overall – Rio is a tourist trap that preys on uninformed and inebriated foreigners.  I can’t speak to the inebriated part, but you’re no longer uninformed, so do not go here.

RAW SCORE = 40