Cabaret Carioca (Prague, Czech Republic)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – You won’t be getting any extra services or a whole lot of grinding, but otherwise, the 1500 czk (~$75) dances are very enjoyable.  The only rules were that I couldn’t “touch the pussy or kiss the mouth,” both of which I was perfectly fine with.  Unfortunately, the contact will only be one way if you stick to the slightly less overpriced 1000 czk option, but I probably wouldn’t bother with either opinion at these prices. 

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – These girls are a small step down from what you’d find across the square at Goldfingers, but they’re still very attractive and all fall within the 7-9 range.  It varies from one night to the next, but I’ve generally found them to be among the hottest dancers in Prague. 

Number of Dancers (6/10) – If you want company, you’ll get it almost immediately, but most of the girls hang out in the dressing room if customers aren’t buying ladies drinks.  The real reason to come here, though, is to drink some beer while taking in the stage show, and the number of girls is perfect for that.  The stage is always occupied, often with multiple girls, and it takes a long time until they have to repeat performers. 

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – Over the course of three visits, I’ve seen exactly one dancer who wasn’t white and thin.  She was white and had an average build. 

Attitudes (5.5/10) – “If you want to be left alone, that’s no problem.  If you want some company, here are the prices for drinks.”  The dancer won’t bother chatting if you don’t buy her a marked up drink, but at least they’re honest and straightforward without the bullshit here.  Plus, they’re fairly friendly if you do buy them drinks, and most of the ladies don’t ask for tips.  For a club that relies on selling dancer drinks (which is pretty much every club in Europe), this is as good as it gets. 

Value (4/10) – As long as you keep lapdances (starting at 1000 czk and going all the way up to 8000 czk) to a minimum and specify that you’re only buying the 240 czk dancer drinks (they go up to 10 times that much), the value at Cabaret Carioca is pretty solid.  The well-choreographed stage show can be viewed for free, and often includes some light girl-girl action.  The real value, though, is that you can get entry and 5 small Budweisers (produced in Budweis, Czech Republic – no relation to the American brewery) for 200 czk (about $10 US).  They should offer that at the door anyway, but if you want to be safe, you can get of the their street salesmen to take you to the entrance, though you might want to take your chances first because those street guys are pretty sketchy.  I made the mistake of talking to one of them while I still had half a can of beer and part of a sausage to finish (yes, drinking in the square is perfectly acceptable), so I had to hear his theories about how black people who are born in the U.S. or Britain have normal intelligence, but the ones born in Africa “do not have fully developed brains.”  I just backed away slowly and went to his Senegalese co-worker so that that guy could get the commission instead.  Anyway, once you use your drink tickets, beers are a reasonable 90 czk each.   

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a fairly small club in a basement just of Wenceslas Square.  There’s a tiny bar area at the entrance, but there’s no reason to spend any time in there except when you’re using your drink tickets.  In the main room, there’s a nice long 3-polled stage in the center of the room with several small tables around it, then there’s a raised area around the perimeter with more tables and several booths that work for groups of up to 4 or 5.  It’s not overly fancy, but for a laidback club, it works. 

Dance Setup (6/10) – Dances are given in a separate hallway, so no one can see you from the main part of the club, plus curtains block the view of most other dance recipients.  There are 3 seats inside each of the curtains, so it’s possible that you’ll have some company if it’s busy, but otherwise you’ll be left alone.  And even if other guys are back there, there’re mirrors optimally angled for each dance seat, so everything will have much better things to look at than your dance. 

Atmosphere (6.5/10) – I wouldn’t bring a bachelor party here, but for solo strip club goers and small groups who want to relax, down a few beers and take in the sights in a low hustle environment, there’s nowhere better in Prague.  It’s become my go-to place for bridging the gap between a heavy, pork-based dinner, and hitting the more high energy night spots. 

Location (5/5) – It’s a little hard to see from the street since it’s down a little hallway, but Cabaret Carioca is just off Wenceslas Square, right in the middle of all the action.  There’s really no excuse for you to stay anywhere that isn’t within walking distance of this and the other half-dozen-plus clubs in the area.

Overall – Cabaret Carioca isn’t the craziest spot and their lapdances are a huge waste of cash, but I like it a lot as a place to drink some cheap beers, see some nice stageshows, and relax before really hitting the town. 

RAW SCORE = 58.5