Chicas Bonitas (North Las Vegas, NV)

Quality of Dances (14.5/20) – These are some of the most aggressive lap dances that I’ve gotten in Las Vegas. There’s great grinding, upper and lower body two-way contact is encouraged (my hand was moved straight to one girl’s crotch despite me having neither the intention nor the interest in reaching down there), and the girls that I got dances from were active with their hands and mouths over the pants. Extras would be difficult given the lack of privacy, but I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that some of these girls offer them anyway.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – Sadly, there was nothing bonita about these chicas. Out of the eight dancers who were working when I stopped by, only 2 would have been above a 5 on the 0-10 non-dancer scale, and there would a few who could not have paid me to accept a dance.  

Number of Dancers (3/10) – There were nearly as many dancers as customers during my afternoon visit, but I can’t give them too much credit since there were only two attractive ladies in the building. You shouldn’t have to wait too long for attention since the regulars don’t seem to be big spenders, but you’re out of luck if you’re hoping to have a lot of beauties to choose from.   

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s a nice mix of thin and very thick black and Latina dancers, but there are exactly as many white dancers as you would expect from a club called Chicas Bonitas.

Attitudes (6/10) – Despite the fact that this is a neighborhood type of place where everyone is treated well, these ladies had a hard edge to them that prevented me from wanting to get into any long conversations. They’re not unfriendly, but I don’t think you’ll be making any real connections with these dancers.

Value (7/10) – For Vegas, it’s hard to complain about no cover charge, $4.50 drinks and $10 table dances, and even the $25 lap dances in the back aren’t a bad deal. If you’ve blown all your money at the casinos and the more upscale clubs, this might not be a bad place to stretch a buck if you care more about a bargain than you do about your personal safety.   

Club Setup (1.5/10) – There’s a brightly lit main stage in the front, a large bar with TVs showing soccer games in the back, and a ton of uncomfortable chairs with wraparound tables attached throughout the club. Those chair/table combos were annoying enough in elementary school, but in a strip club where women should be sitting on your lap, they’re completely inexcusable. 

Dance Setup (2.5/10) – Dances are given in a back room that’s mostly separated from the main room by a curtain, but the curtain is somewhat sheer and there’s a big opening in the middle where people can look in, and the bouncer pokes his head in once per song to make sure that you aren’t haven’t too much fun. A soft bench goes around the perimeter of the back room so there are plenty of choices of places to sit, but there’re no dividers or anything else to block the view of other people who are getting dances. Luckily, table dances seem to be a more popular option than real lap dances, so you shouldn’t have too much company in the dance room if you do decide to go back there.

Atmosphere (0/10) – I enjoyed the mix of hip hop and Latin music, but that’s pretty much the only good thing I can say about the atmosphere in here. Seeing a shoving match and a drunk guy passed out in the club without management reacting in any way whatsoever would be bad enough at night, but it’s just ridiculous to witness that during the day shift. If you do go here, I strongly encourage you to do so before the sun goes down, because I got the impression that this is the kind of place where some of the customers could get a little stabby at night.

Location (1.5/5) – It’s right down the street from the Palomino (the only nude Las Vegas club that serves alcohol) and is right across the street from a relatively small casino, but Chicas Bonitas is pretty far out of the way if you’re staying on the Strip or even on Freemont Street.

Overall – Chicas Bonitas is the type of place where, if you’re murdered, no one will feel bad for you. It’s kind of what you expect to have happen when you go to a place called Chicas Bonitas in North Las Vegas. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are many strip clubs that I love so much that I’m willing to visit even if it means that I have to risk dying a death that will bring shame upon my family. It’s just that Chicas Bonitas is not one of them.  If you’re in this neighborhood and are desperate to hit a club, go to the Palomino and let me know what you think. I still haven’t been there, but it has to be better than this dump.

RAW SCORE = 39.5

The Men's Club (Dallas, TX)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – The Dallas clubs all seem to have a huge variation from one girl to the next, and the Men’s Club is no exception.  I’d rate a good dance here at around a 13 and a bad dance at around an 8, but you’ll mostly get some decent contact and are usually allowed to touch anywhere except the area that’s covered by their bikini bottoms.   I was told that the no-fabric rule is relaxed if you go to the VIP area, but the grinding is usually good enough during the regular dances that I wasn’t too tempted to upgrade.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – Pretty much every woman I saw in here was either very hot or absolutely stunning.  Other than a higher than average percentage of girls with implants, I had no complaints. 

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – I haven’t been here during the day, so I can’t speak to that, but they had a few dozen women working at night and everyone who wanted attention got it. 

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – Most of the workforce is white, but I did see a few black girls and a few Asians, and there were some slightly curvier girls who were very attractive as well.  They weren’t quite big enough to be described as thick, but they were definitely soft enough to feel great during the dances. 

Attitudes (5.5/10) – You can expect some hustle and some well-practiced lines to try to push you towards the VIP area, but most of the ladies do sit and chat and are generally pretty friendly.

Value (3/10) – The $20 cover is pretty rough and you’ll have to budget a few bucks to the valet guy, but things aren’t too bad on the inside unless you want to drop $150 to go to the VIP area.  Beers are $6.50 and dances are very reasonable at $20 each since they play fairly long songs.

Club Setup (9/10) – This is a very large, classy club with a lot of tables and the most comfortable strip club chairs ever. The two stages in the main area and the one in the back aren’t overly large and don’t have poles, but they are nice and have some impressive smoke effects.  Between the smoke and the high-backed chairs, there’s almost an illusion that the girls on stage are floating up there.  If you’re willing to spend $150 to go to the VIP area, it’s ridiculously nice, with a swimming pool and a hot tub for you to enjoy with the dancers.

Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a raised area in the back of the club on a very long bench along the wall.  There are some pillows thrown around on the bench and it’s long enough that you shouldn’t be directly next to anyone, but there are no dividers and there are a bunch of tables and chairs in that area where guys who aren’t getting dances can sit, so there’s no real privacy.

Atmosphere (8/10) – I usually don’t love places that are this classy, but the Men’s Club manages to pull of the upscale vibe while still being somewhat relaxed and a lot of fun. For a night out with business associates or your more mature friends, you really couldn’t do much better. 

Location (4/5) – The Men’s club is right beside a hotel and is within walking distance of Baby Dolls and a Waffle House, so it’s a pretty good location even though it’s fairly far to the northwest of downtown Dallas. 

Overall – The Men’s Club isn’t worth going too far out of your way for, but it is a very solid club that you should be able to have a good time at.  Whether you prefer it over the nearby Baby Dolls will come down to what kind of club you’re looking for, but they’re about equally good overall.  Baby Dolls has more dancers, lower prices and a more of a party atmosphere, but The Men’s Club has better dances, slightly hotter women and is classier.  If you don’t have a big preference either way, I recommend starting your night at The Men’s Club while you’re still sober, then heading over to Baby Dolls once you’ve had a few.   

RAW SCORE = 60.5

Baby Dolls (Dallas, TX)

Quality of Dances (9/20) – You’ll rarely find more variation from one girl to the next than at Baby Dolls.  A good dance here is very good, with most girls being fine with hands on the tits, but a bad dance here is pretty poor and I did witness several girls moving customers’ hands away if they roamed anywhere beyond the hips.  In general, you’ll get at least a weak grind, but I was a little disappointed in the dances overall.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – The dancers here were a step down from the quality at the Men’s Club down the street, but I thought they were a little bit better than the girls at The Lodge.  If you like overdone implants, you’d probably prefer The Lodge, but either way, the ladies at Baby Dolls are generally very attractive and you shouldn’t have any problem finding a girl that you like.

Number of Dancers (10/10) – I don’t know that I’ve ever seen more girls in a club than at this place.  There were about 5 dancers on the one stage, two on the other, and a ton of girls working the crowd.  I actually may have preferred that they cut down on the number a little bit so that they could have some quality control, but I’ll never complain too much about a club having too many girls, and it’s easy enough to avoid the ones who aren’t your type. 

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – Most of the dancers are white, but I did see some Latinas and a few Asians, and there were some ladies with very nice curves.   

Attitudes (2/10) – Most of the girls won’t speak to unfamiliar faces other than to ask if you want a dance.  A few will sit and chat, but this definitely isn’t a place to come for conversation unless you’re a regular.  Since they have so many ladies, though, it’s actually a good thing that they don’t waste too much time chatting so that the next one will have a chance to see if you want a dance.     

Value (7/10) – The $3 cover is a bargain, $5.50 beers aren’t bad, and the $20 dances are reasonable, but the real value comes from just sitting back and watching the stage.  The floor work is decent, you can get reasonably good action at the rail for a few bucks, and there are so many women to look at that you’ll never get bored.   

Club Setup (8/10) – This place is huge.  There’s a very large main stage, 4 satellite sages on the one side and two more stages near the stairs, plus there’s an enormous bar in the center of the club and another on the second floor, and there’s plenty of seating with a mix of small tables, bar seating, and some high top tables. It’s a little rundown, the bar is way too bright and there are no poles on the stages, but the fact that you have a view of so many in-use stages more than makes up for the club’s other shortcomings.

Dance Setup (2/10) – You can get your dances on the second floor in chairs along the wall or you can sit in an area behind the stage where there a bunch of chairs and tables.  Either way, you won’t be obscured from the view of anyone near you except by the back of your chair, but people on the main floor at least won’t be able to see you, though one way glass does allow you to have a view of the main stage if you’re on the first floor. Unfortunately, dances at Baby Dolls are popular, so you’ll always have a lot of people near you while you’re getting yours. 

Atmosphere (8/10) – The DJ is obnoxious and there’s lots of country music, but overall I really liked the atmosphere here.  It’s definitely more of a party than the Men’s Club.  That’s where you go with business partners; this is where you go with your buddies when you’re planning to get rocked. 

Location (4/5) – The best strip clubs in Dallas are all in this area to the northwest of the city, so you’ll be near some other options if you stop by and don’t see any girls who interest you.   More importantly, Baby Dolls is within walking distance of several hotels and a Waffle House, both of which are necessities if you’re planning to drink anywhere near as much as I did.

Overall  - This is an excellent club overall, though the mediocre lap dances mean that I’m not going to be in a huge hurry to return.  Still, given the huge number of attractive girls and the party vibe, I don’t think anyone could have a bad time at Baby Dolls. 

RAW SCORE = 60.5

North Hollywood Deja Vu (North Hollywood, CA)

Quality of Dances (13.5/20) – The narrow booths mean that you won’t be able to spread your legs to the optimal grind-inducing angle, but, otherwise, these dances are very good with full two-way contact often encouraged and almost always tolerated.  Several of the ladies implied that extra services would be available during the VIP sessions, but I got the feeling that this was more of a sales pitch than a promise, at least from most of them. 

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – Most of the ladies are fairly young and attractive, and I was surprised to see that there were less implants in the room during my visit than at most of the other clubs in southern California.  And you should particularly enjoy the sights if you’re into the porn star look, because several of these ladies are in the industry.  Though hearing about how a girl just finished shooting a blow bang scene didn’t really make her more attractive in my eyes. 

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were about twenty women working on the Sunday night of my visit, and since the club was dead, that should have been more than enough.  Unfortunately, only one or two women were working the sparse crowd for most of the evening since everyone else was doing who-knows-what in the dressing room.  Still, the total number meant that patient customers had plenty of women to chose from.

Variety of Dancers (4.5/5) – They lose half a point because almost all of the ladies were on the thin side, but the variety was otherwise perfect.  Black, white, Latina and Asian ladies were all well represented. 

Attitudes (2/10) – A few of these ladies were nice, but overall, I was less than impressed.  My biggest issue is that most of them were content to stay in the dressing room, presumably waiting for their regulars to show up, rather than cultivating new business.  I could see if one or two girls were in bad moods and were doing that, but it was easily three-quarters of the workforce.   The worst were the girls who would line up on the stage for the dance specials, then walk straight to the dressing room without even giving customers a chance to give them some money.   If you don’t want my money, I’m fine with hanging onto it, but why even show up if that’s your attitude? 

Plus, when some of the ladies did mingle, I kindof wished that they hadn’t.  One in particular had a real attitude when I turned down her offer for a dance, saying, “Oh, so you’re just hanging out taking in the free show?”  No, I’ve spent a few hundred dollars on other girls over the last hour while you were busy sitting in the dressing room. 

Value (6/10) – Dances are a solid value, and since they have the dance counting machines, you can’t be ripped off.  If you’re not familiar with those machines, you insert your money before the dance, then it counts down the time until the end of the dance, when a red light goes on, alerting you that your dance is over unless you add more cash. The regular dances are $20 for about 3 minutes, dances in the couch area are $60 for three songs and the normal VIP price is $150.  The cover charge is a steep $20, but that’s understandable since this is an alcohol-free club and you can get free sodas throughout your visit.  Plus you can save half of the cover charge by printing out this free admission coupon – and, no, that’s sadly not a typo.  They claim that of the $20 fee to get in, $10 is for admission (that’s waived with the coupon) and $10 is for an “entertainment fee” that you still have to pay.  As long as you consider that money to be going toward the sodas that you’ll drink, it’s doesn’t seem like too much of a rip off. 

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a fairly large club, with a ton of small tables with rolly chairs spread throughout the room.  The crowd area is a little brighter than I’d like, but the lighting on stage is tastefully bright, and everyone has a nice view of the ladies.  The stage itself is fairly nice and they even have a rain making machine that can be a fun way to waste $20.  The way it works is that you put a $20 bill into the machine, and it will either give you 19 ones back or you can press a button so that it will rain 19 ones down on the stage.  It’s gimmicky, but I did it once to try it, and the girl came over afterwards and seemed to be genuinely appreciative to get her money that way rather than through the normal tipping routine.  And, since a happy dancer makes for a happy customer, it ended up being $20 well spent.   

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance booths are tiny, but that has it’s pluses and minuses.  On the bright side, it means that you have a good bit of privacy, especially since they’re angled in a way that really prevents anyone from getting a direct view of what you’re up to.  The drawback, however, is that larger customers might feel a little cramped and your legs aren’t going to be able to spread wide enough to allow for maximum access.  Besides that, the only thing that’s noteworthy about the dance setup is the aforementioned dance counting machines, which really do add to the experience by eliminating the need to divert some of your attention from the girl to counting to make sure that you aren’t being ripped off.  I really wish every club had those machines. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – Maybe it was the lack of alcohol combined with the lack of a bar within walking distance, or maybe it was the long stretches of empty stage, or maybe it was the slightly rough looking crowd, but, whatever it was, the bottom line is that I didn’t particularly enjoy hanging out at this club.  It wasn’t bad enough to keep me away and I wouldn’t mind sticking around if a girl caught my eye, but I would never plan on spending my evening here.

Location (3/5) – The club is in an industrial part of North Hollywood beside the railroad tracks.  I don’t really know the neighborhood so I’m not sure whether it’s a safe area, but you can valet park your car in a garage inside the building for a few bucks, so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. 

Overall – The North Hollywood Deja Vu is a nice club and is worth a visit if you’re in the area, but the fact that most of the girls hang out in the dressing room the majority of the time makes it frustrating to the point that I can’t recommend going too far out of your way to get there.  If you’re going to travel to get to a Deja Vu, just go to the one in the City of Industry, because it’s a significantly better club. 

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Deja Vu (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Just like at the other big City of Industry clubs, the lap dances are very nice with full two-way contact and enough of a grind to help the girls segue into their VIP sales pitch.  Back there, different girls have different limits (one was apologetic for only offering to lend a helping hand even though I hadn’t indicated that I wanted anything more than a lap dance), but you should be able to find someone who is willing to do whatever it is that you’re looking to have done.  It won’t be cheap and there will be some upsell if you agree to go to the VIP before you clearly agree to specific services for a specific amount of money, but that’s true everyone and isn’t nearly as bad here as it is at the Spearmint Rhino.  

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – A lot of these ladies are a little rough around the edges.  Most of them are passable but unspectacular and a few are just sloppy, but I’ve seen at least one stunner and a few pretty good girls during each of my visits.  As long as you’re patient, you shouldn’t have a major problem finding a few girls who are more than worthy of your dance money. 

Number of Dancers (8/10) – For a fairly small club, they have a ton of dancers, with more than two dozen lining up for the 2-4-1 cattle calls.  Unfortunately, that’s the only time that you’ll see them all since a large percentage of them is either in the dressing room or off giving dances, but there are still more than enough to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – I couldn’t ask for any more from a club.  During my first night there I saw Asian chicks, white chicks, black chicks, Latina chicks, young chicks, old chicks, skinny chicks, chubby chicks and possibly even a chick who was born with a dick.  I can’t confirm that last one though. 

Attitudes (4/10) – The girls rarely sit with guys to chat and the “wannadance?” routine can get old quickly, but most of them are pretty friendly once you do get dances. Plus, the attitudes are significantly less important here than they are at any other club (other than a few other CA Deja Vu location), because they have no way to rip you off during the dances.  For the dances, you have to insert your money into a machine that counts down until the money is gone, then the light changes red and your dance is over.  If it’s a 2-4-1 or some other kind of special, the machine calculates that, so the girls couldn’t miscount dances if they tried.  Of course, they could still give shitty dances or not deliver on promised services, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.     

Value (8/10) – The $20 cover is steep, but sodas are free, no one tries to get you to buy sodas for girls and the stage value is excellent.  Shelby, in particular, put on the best stage show I’ve ever seen, with a nice mix of pole acrobatics, floor work and crowd interaction.  Even the pole cleaning routine is turned into a fun little production with the waitresses wearing sexy maid outfits and parading around while wiping it down.  More importantly, though, dances are an excellent value.   The topless version is only $10 each, but since I only had $20s, I just put them into the machine and it calculated the time for me.  If you’re looking for nude dances they’re $40 for some amount of time that’s longer than one song, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone about how long they are.  VIP sessions are $150 for a half hour plus whatever you negotiate with the girls for specific services.  At those rates, everything is a decent deal anyway, but it’s even better if you wait for specials and/or go on the right night, since VIPs are only $100 on Thursdays, dances are 10% longer on Sundays and topless dances are frequently discounted to 3-for-$20. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The club is nice enough, but the circle of chairs lined up around the room is a little awkward.  There are at least a few benches in the back of the club, but there still aren’t enough seats for weekend nights.  The stage does allow for some good shows, though, since the two tall poles are able to rotate, allowing some of the more skilled girls to do some very impressive tricks.   The other thing that I like about the club is that they have a rain making machine that will rain down 19 ones over the stage for every $20 that you enter.  It’s gimmicky, but it’s a fun gimmick, and the girl gets the same out of money that she’d get if you got your ones at the bar since you’d tip a dollar for that anyway.  Unfortunately, the machine was out of order when I was there, but hopefully that was just a temporary problem.  If you’re really curious to try it, the one at the North Hollywood Deja Vu was working, though it’s honestly not cool enough to justify the drive.       

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – You’ll get your own booth for the topless dances, but you should know that these are much smaller than the average lap dance booth.  That’s both a good and a bad thing though.  On the bright side, the walls of the booth are so close to you that no one can really see what you’re up to, but the downside is that big guys might be uncomfortable and no guys will be able to spread their legs to the optimal angle for a proper grind.  The VIP area is much more private, especially in the last room, since the only opening to the large cubicle areas can be blocked with moveable fake trees.  The couches desperately need to be replaced, but they’re comfortable enough for whatever activities you want to do back there.  The dance counting machines are in the VIP area as well as the regular lap dance area, so you can monitor the countdown timer.  It’s based on dollars and cents rather than minutes, but it doesn’t take long to figure out roughly how much time you have left. 

Atmosphere (4/10) – This is another California club that decided that bottomless ladies add more to a strip club experience than booze.  I can’t say that I agree, but there is at least a bar next door where you can down a few beers before heading into the club.  As for the club itself, the seating arrangement makes it less than ideal for large groups and the crowd can be a little rough, but the music is a decent mix of rap and dubstep and, even though he’s incomprehensible, the DJ isn’t too obnoxious.  Overall, but this is a fairly comfortable place to hang out and has as much of a party vibe as an alcohol-free club can have.          

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive.  Deja Vu is only a few minutes away from the very nice Spearmint Rhino and the solid Synn, so the location is perfect for making a night out of hitting the clubs.    

Overall - The City of Industry Deja Vu is my favorite of the clubs that I've been to in California and my favorite of the half dozen Deja Vu clubs that I've been to.  The girls aren't as consistently hot as at the Spearmint Rhino or Synn, but this would be my first stop of the night to see if you can find a girl to your liking for less money than you'd spend at the other places.  

RAW SCORE = 61