Silky's (McKees Rocks, PA)

Quality of Dances (12/20) – Touching tits is usually tolerated and you can get a good grind from pretty much every lady in the place. The setup prevents thing from getting too intimate unless you pay for the VIP, but these are still the most consistently solid dances in Pittsburgh.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – I've been less than impressed with the ladies that I've seen at Silky's. During my first vist, I saw one really hot dancer, one who wasn't too bad, two who were about a decade past their sell-by date, and two who were just disgusting. The elderly contingent was missing during my second visit, but the other proportions were about the same. I'm usually fine with sacrificing the quality of dancers for the quality of dances, but it's just ridiculous at this place. And good luck getting the really hot one or even the not-too-bad one away from the other customers long enough to get a dance.

Number of Dancers (2.5/10) – I've seen about a half dozen girls working during both of my weekend night visits. That wouldn't normally be too terrible, but since I was part of a fire code defying number of customers, the ratio makes it almost impossible to get a dance unless you come often enough for the girls to know you.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – I've seen one non-white girl total in two visits. There was at least a little size variation, but since they usually don't have more than one genuinely attractive girl working at a time, you're out of luck if that one attractive girl isn't your type. The one girl's teeth pointed in a variety of directions, but that's not really what I'm looking for in this category.

Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – I've seen several ladies who spent most of their time talking to their friends who showed up to watch them dance and the majority of dancers seemed annoyed to have to deal with customers. When I finally did get a chance to talk to anyone, the VIP room sales pitch was almost immediate, though it was at least fairly mild as far as sales pitches go. There are just so many guys per girl, at least during busy times, that they really don't have a reason to keep customers happy.

Value (8/10) – Since the four or five beers on tap are free, you really can't beat the $10 cover with fairly solid stage shows, and dances aren't too bad at $20 each either.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – There are six couches lined up facing the same direction on the 2nd floor of the club. Since they all face a bouncer who sits at a desk in the front of the room, you almost feel like you're in class and he's the teacher. Thankfully, he rarely takes a peak, and none of the other dancers or customers can see you if you're on one of the two couches in the back, but it takes the fun out of grabbing titties when you feel like you're going to get sent to after school detention.

Club Setup (1/10) – This is a very narrow club with a tiny (unused) stage in the front, a long narrow stage that takes up most of the club, and a small area to stand in the far back. That area is a little tough to get to since the main stage fills up most of the area that you have to walk through to get to the back. Also, there's not really anywhere to sit other than one table in the back, the stage, or along a wall and the place just generally seems like a dump.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – Silky's seems to be safe enough, but I find it to be depressing. It's just a lot of douchebag guys in their early 20's who don't know that nudity does not automatically equal awesome. The free beer can help you overlook some of the club's shortcomings, but I'd have to drink a dangerous amount to ever have a good time here.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Silky's is right down the street from Club Erotica and is an easy drive from downtown Pittsburgh.

Overall – It's rare for me to recommend against visiting a club that offers the best dances in any given city, but the girls at Silky's are so unattractive that I can't justify ever going back. I guess that if you're only interested in lap dances and you're ready for a club visit before prime clubbing time, it might be worth stopping by to see if you can spend some quality time with one of the few attractive ladies. Otherwise, it's just not worth competing with a room full of guys for the attention of girls who look this bad.

RAW SCORE = 39