Chicas Bonitas (North Las Vegas, NV)

Quality of Dances (14.5/20) – These are some of the most aggressive lap dances that I’ve gotten in Las Vegas. There’s great grinding, upper and lower body two-way contact is encouraged (my hand was moved straight to one girl’s crotch despite me having neither the intention nor the interest in reaching down there), and the girls that I got dances from were active with their hands and mouths over the pants. Extras would be difficult given the lack of privacy, but I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that some of these girls offer them anyway.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – Sadly, there was nothing bonita about these chicas. Out of the eight dancers who were working when I stopped by, only 2 would have been above a 5 on the 0-10 non-dancer scale, and there would a few who could not have paid me to accept a dance.  

Number of Dancers (3/10) – There were nearly as many dancers as customers during my afternoon visit, but I can’t give them too much credit since there were only two attractive ladies in the building. You shouldn’t have to wait too long for attention since the regulars don’t seem to be big spenders, but you’re out of luck if you’re hoping to have a lot of beauties to choose from.   

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s a nice mix of thin and very thick black and Latina dancers, but there are exactly as many white dancers as you would expect from a club called Chicas Bonitas.

Attitudes (6/10) – Despite the fact that this is a neighborhood type of place where everyone is treated well, these ladies had a hard edge to them that prevented me from wanting to get into any long conversations. They’re not unfriendly, but I don’t think you’ll be making any real connections with these dancers.

Value (7/10) – For Vegas, it’s hard to complain about no cover charge, $4.50 drinks and $10 table dances, and even the $25 lap dances in the back aren’t a bad deal. If you’ve blown all your money at the casinos and the more upscale clubs, this might not be a bad place to stretch a buck if you care more about a bargain than you do about your personal safety.   

Club Setup (1.5/10) – There’s a brightly lit main stage in the front, a large bar with TVs showing soccer games in the back, and a ton of uncomfortable chairs with wraparound tables attached throughout the club. Those chair/table combos were annoying enough in elementary school, but in a strip club where women should be sitting on your lap, they’re completely inexcusable. 

Dance Setup (2.5/10) – Dances are given in a back room that’s mostly separated from the main room by a curtain, but the curtain is somewhat sheer and there’s a big opening in the middle where people can look in, and the bouncer pokes his head in once per song to make sure that you aren’t haven’t too much fun. A soft bench goes around the perimeter of the back room so there are plenty of choices of places to sit, but there’re no dividers or anything else to block the view of other people who are getting dances. Luckily, table dances seem to be a more popular option than real lap dances, so you shouldn’t have too much company in the dance room if you do decide to go back there.

Atmosphere (0/10) – I enjoyed the mix of hip hop and Latin music, but that’s pretty much the only good thing I can say about the atmosphere in here. Seeing a shoving match and a drunk guy passed out in the club without management reacting in any way whatsoever would be bad enough at night, but it’s just ridiculous to witness that during the day shift. If you do go here, I strongly encourage you to do so before the sun goes down, because I got the impression that this is the kind of place where some of the customers could get a little stabby at night.

Location (1.5/5) – It’s right down the street from the Palomino (the only nude Las Vegas club that serves alcohol) and is right across the street from a relatively small casino, but Chicas Bonitas is pretty far out of the way if you’re staying on the Strip or even on Freemont Street.

Overall – Chicas Bonitas is the type of place where, if you’re murdered, no one will feel bad for you. It’s kind of what you expect to have happen when you go to a place called Chicas Bonitas in North Las Vegas. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are many strip clubs that I love so much that I’m willing to visit even if it means that I have to risk dying a death that will bring shame upon my family. It’s just that Chicas Bonitas is not one of them.  If you’re in this neighborhood and are desperate to hit a club, go to the Palomino and let me know what you think. I still haven’t been there, but it has to be better than this dump.

RAW SCORE = 39.5

Little Darlings (Las Vegas, NV)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Although there's variation from girl to girl and extras are rarely if ever offered, most of the dances at Little Darlings are among the best I've ever gotten. You just can't beat laying down on your back with a naked girl laying/sitting/grinding on top of you. There are a few girls who try to take you to the couches instead of the "beds," and they're a waste of time, but everyone else that I've experienced has been amazing. Also, some of the girls charge extra to allow you to touch them "anywhere but the pussy," but for the price, it's hard to blame them. The only warning that I should give is that you should probably wear reasonably thick pants if you're squeamish about bodily fluids, because under the black lights on the main floor, my pants looked like evidence from a scene on CSI.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – My most recent visit was a little underwhelming, but I'm going to assume that I just caught them on an off night, because the quality of ladies here has been consistently outstanding over the course of several visits over the past 4 years.  Girls have to be old enough to drink to work at a club that serves alcohol in Nevada, so when they turn 21, the hottest ones spread out among the big-money places. Until then, they only have a few choices, and most of the hottest ones end up at Little Darlings. Older women who don't have their shit together know that they can't compete with hot teenagers, so most of the 20-somethings who work here also look great.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – This place doesn't have as many girls as a place like the Rhino or Sapphire, but it doesn't have nearly as many customers either. I've visited several times and never seen worse than a 2-to-1 customer to dancer ratio, and it's usually much better than that. Generally, there are a few dozen girls working.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – You won't find a lot of old girls here, but other than that, the variety is great. Black, white, asian, thick (some would argue a little too thick) and thin dancers are all well represented.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – For years, the dancers here were some of the friendliest I'd ever met, but I've barely been able to get a word out of any of them before they ask if I want a dance and then either take me to the back or walk away during my past few visits. They are at least friendly enough while you're getting your dance, but most of them don't even offer to join you back at your table after your dances these days.  For anyone who got used to the way the club was from 2009 until around 2011, the current attitudes are tragic.

Value (6/10) – The $33 cover here is brutal (reduced to $5 before 10pm if you print a pass from their website and don't show up in a cab), but sodas are free, so if you've brought your own liquor, you'll be drinking on the cheap. Also, they give taxi drivers some money for dropping you off, so before you get a ride to Little Darlings, get the cabbie to agree to give you $10-15 each. If you don't feel like dealing with that, you can get the club to send you a limo for free, but since they aren't making money on alcohol, you'll still have to pay the cover. Officially dances are no-contact and cost $20, but almost every girl will allow your hands to roam if you pay $30. That's usually more than I'd be willing to spend, but since there are frequent 2-for-1 specials, it's hard to complain about paying $15 per full contact dance.

Dance Setup (10/10) – The dances are given in booths back in a maze of hallways, and the entrances to the booths are covered with a semi-opaque curtain, so the only people who can even partially see in are dancers and customers who are walking to/from their own dances. There is one booth at the end of the hallway that is completely private, so if a girl takes you there, you know you're in for a good time.  The real key to the dance setup here, though, is that most of the booths have "beds," which are basically tables that are horizontal from the waist down and at a 30 degree angle from the waist up. This really is a spectacular dance setup.

Club Setup (5/10) – The tables are a little bit cramped, the chairs aren't terribly comfortable, and there are no private corners, but everyone has a good view of the stage where the pole action is about as good as I've seen.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – Since this is a nude club, they can't serve alcohol or allow customers to bring their own. Because of that, my crew usually makes this our go-to place early in the evening while we're still recovering from the previous night or late in the night once we've already had enough to drink. Also, as long as you aren't too obvious about it, you shouldn't have any problem bringing in your own liquor and mixing it with the free soda. Other than that, the atmosphere is pretty relaxed and you'll probably have a good time here either by yourself or with a group of guys. The music is good, but check their website to see if it's a theme night, because I was ready to stab my eardrums by the end of rock night.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like everywhere else in Vegas, it isn't within walking distance, but they'll send you a limo.

Overall – I'm not quite as high on Little Darlings as I was a few years ago due to the declining attitudes, but it's still an excellent club. If they served alcohol, it would probably be my top choice in Vegas, though, realistically, if they started serving it the young girls would be gone, less attractive girls would move in, and the overall experience would probably decline. The bottom line is that if you only hit one club in Vegas, it should probably be somewhere with alcohol, but if you hit several, Little Darlings should be one of them.

TOTAL SCORE = 69

Cheetahs (Las Vegas, NV)

Most recent visit: September, 2016

Quality of Dances (12/20) – The lack of privacy prevents anything too crazy from going on, but most girls provide a good grind and are open to two-way contact. Although there’s still variation from one girl to the next, a “bad” dance at Cheetahs now is comparable to the best dances that I received here a few years ago.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – There’s more variation in quality at Cheetahs than you’ll find at most of the other big name Vegas clubs, with some girls I’d go out of my way to avoid, some stone-cold killers and everything in between, but it’s a fairly impressive workforce overall and I don’t think anyone will have a problem finding several worthy girls on any given visit.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – The number of women varies, but it’s usually perfect for the number of customers. When the club is busy, it’s absolutely teeming with women, and when it’s slow, they still have more than enough women to keep everyone entertained.  During each of my visits, virtually every group of patrons has been joined by multiple women, and I’m always approached by one or more within minutes of arriving.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (5/5) – Name your shape, size, race or country; you’ll find it at Cheetahs.

Attitude of Dancers (9/10) – It seems crazy to say that the best dancer attitudes of all time could be at a famous Vegas club, but my group and I interacted with dozens of them over our three most recent visits and all of them were at least friendly if not downright awesome. One girl in particular spent about 4 hours on my lap, only getting up to pour me drinks, before I gave her so much as a dollar. Even when we did go for dances, it was at my request, not hers. Of course, don’t take advantage of that or they’ll become a whole lot less friendly in a hurry, but if you take care of them, they’ll take care of you. These girls really are great.   

Value (6.5/10) – The cover is $20 if you arrive by cab, but they’ll waive it if you take their limo or valet park your own car for $20. Most of the other prices aren’t too bad with regular dances being $20, slightly more private dances 3-for-$100, and 30 minutes in the VIP “G-Spot” going for $200, but the $9 beers are pretty rough. Fortunately, at least on Sunday through Wednesday nights, you can get a bucket of 5 beers for a reasonable $31 or a 1L bottle of liquor and 3 mixers for $125, which is a huge bargain.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – As long as they aren’t too busy, most of the girls will take you to rows of benches along the front or back walls, but some of the dances occur right on the crowded main floor, where even the most dexterous dancer will have a hard time doing her thing. Fortunately, if you’re willing to drop a reasonable $200 to go to the “G-Spot” (named for Jack Galardi, the former owner of Cheetahs and Miami’s King of Diamonds, among other clubs), you’ll have a lot more space and won’t be visible to anyone other than the half dozen or so other girls/guys who are giving/receiving dances.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – Cheetahs has the classic strip club setup that one sees in TV shows and movies: a single longish stage in the center of the club, a long bar lining a raised area off to the side, and a bunch of small tables (3-4 seats) all around. Although it’s a little cramped, it has been renovated somewhat over the past few years and has some dark corners where you can sit without all eyes on you, and I really like it overall.

Club Atmosphere (8.5/10) – From the bouncer who offered to allow me to bring my In-N-Out burger into the club, to the girls who latched onto our arms the second we walked in, to the bartender who promised to recommend a “Peter Tips” aka a “Dirty Peter” (redbull with a double shot of whiskey) to anyone who can’t decide what drink to order, to the DJ who played an hour block of hip hop at my request, my group is always treated like VIPs at this place, and I have no reason to believe that everyone doesn’t receive similar treatment. With its tendency to draw large crowds for a small space, Cheetahs could easily have a meat market type atmosphere, but they do a nice job of avoiding that vibe. The low lighting goes a long way to make up for the close quarters and the music keeps the energy up nicely.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like all Vegas clubs, Cheetahs isn’t walkable, but it’s just a short cab or limo ride away from anywhere on the Strip.

Overall – The Spearmint Rhino is a bigger spectacle, the dances are better at Little Darlings, the happy hour is cheaper at Treasures and the setup is better at Hustler, but is there a better all-around club in Las Vegas right now than Cheetahs? Based on the fact that my group ended up here 3 of the 4 nights that we were in town during my most recent trip, I don’t think that there is. Either way, Cheetahs is a great club that has easily earned my Seal of Approval.

RAW SCORE = 68.5

GRADE = A+

Badda Bing! (Las Vegas, Nevada) - CLOSED

Before I starts this review, I'd like to recommend watching this YouTube clip from club owner Rick Belcastro. I have no affiliation with Badda Bing and have never met Belcastro, but I strongly agrees with many of the sentiments in the video and appreciate Belcastro's candor and big balls. I wishes that all club owners in Vegas would adopt a similar mentality.

Quality of dances (12.5/20) – I was pleased with the level of contact from dancers. I consistently scored full contact in both directions during standard dances and strongly suspect that private dances offer more. To be sure, few women will dig for your peter on the club floor, but that’s to be expected in an upscale joint like Badda Bing.

Quality of dancers (6/10) – In terms of dancer talent, Badda Bing hasn’t yet reached the level of its Vegas counterparts, but you certainly wouldn’t turn your nose up at them. Vegas is Vegas, so you’re bound to find at least a few women in your wheelhouse.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Again, when compared to the rest of Vegas, Badda Bing is a little light on dancer numbers, but it’s solid when juxtaposed with the rest of North America. I saw at least a dozen dancers working on a relatively slow night.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – A little heavy on Caucasian women, which is to be expected. Plenty of body type variety. I found myself a curvy seductress while my friends hung out with her leaner peers. Could be better, but certainly could be worse.

Answer me this, please: Why does every Vegas club suffer from a serious dearth of Latina women? It’s in the southwest United States; clubs should be overflowing with beautiful senoritas. I don't get it.

Attitude of dancers (6.5/10) – Dancers were very friendly and chatty, if perhaps a little clingy. Most ran the slow game and it was nice to hang out and drink without immediately being hounded for a dance. This score may have been higher if my group hadn’t been on their way out just as they met the club’s coolest dancer.

Value (6/10) – $7 beers and $8 mixed drinks (which were pretty weak) aren’t awful prices for Vegas, but that shit adds up very quickly. Dance and stage value are about average. Of course, there’s no cover if you follow the Peter Tips Guide to Vegas, so that jumped the score above the mid-point.

Dance Setup (1/10) – Regular dances occur right on the floor, as is typical at many Vegas clubs. Readers of this site know that I have much higher standards than this.

Club Setup (7/10) – The club is relatively small, but there’s plenty of seating both near the stage and in more private corners, making it feel a little bigger than its square footage. Above the bar is a clear circular walkway upon which the women dance, a feature that I definitely appreciated. Don’t get me wrong; I consider it pretty creepy to sit at the bar and stare up at a woman’s nethers while enjoying a beer, but I appreciate Badda Bing’s originality and think the stage is aesthetically pleasing even without the dancers.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Definitely a nice, chill vibe to this place. Great lighting, good music and not an asshole in sight. Anyone should feel comfortable here. I suspect that on busier nights, they fire it up in there, so you should tailor your visit times to your desired experience.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – It’s Vegas-accessible, meaning that you sure as shit aren’t gonna walk there, but it’s a short cab/limo from pretty much anywhere on the Strip.

Overall – Badda Bing was the most pleasant surprise of my recent jaunt to Vegas. Expecting a mediocre joint, I was treated to one of Vegas’s hidden gems. As this club evolves and fine-tunes its business, I imagine it will grow to be one of Vegas’s hot spots. The challenge for current club management will be to maintain Badda Bing’s intimate atmosphere and chill vibe as it grows more popular; it’s very easy for a sweet club to transform in to a douche factory staffed by hustlers (see Treasures over the last several years).

TOTAL SCORE = 60

Spearmint Rhino (Las Vegas, NV)

Quality of dances (12/20) – Totally depends on the girl. I’ve had full contact in both directions, and I’ve had mild contact from her and no contact for me.

Quality of dancers (10/10) – Despite way too many enhanced titties, this shit is the cream of the crop. If you can’t find a dancer that you love here, you don’t belong near a strip club.

Number of dancers (8/10) – The dancer/dude ratio is almost always very favorable. The one exception is at about 2 AM on Friday and Saturday when it gets packed with asshats. At those times, girls are often just shuttling guys back and forth from the back room and it’s difficult to pin one down for a dance.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (5/5) – Pick your flavor. The Rhino has it.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – These girls are hustlers. No doubt about it. Their game is really transparent to anyone who has spent real time at clubs. If you’re new to the scene, don't be fooled.

Value (3/10) – Always at least a $20 cover, unless you set something up ahead of time. Beers are like $6-7, dances are $20 on the floor and then maybe 3 for $100 in the back (it has been a while). If you pick the right girl, this number might jump a bit, but I don’t think I could ever rate it above a 4.

Dance Setup (4/10) – $20 dances are out on the main floor, and who wants their friends watching them get a dance, so that blows. The backroom has partitioned booths, but the bouncer is pretty close and there aren’t many private spots.

Club Setup (8/10) – Tons of square footage, comfy rolly chairs, big stage, and lots of seating options (next to the stage, elevated and back from the stage, private roped-off area). A very well-planned joint.

Club Atmosphere (8/10) – There's a real good vibe to the Rhino, especially during slower hours. Once you walk through the doors, you feel like you're shut off from the rest of the world and ready to throw down. It's hard to explain, but I'm confident you'll understand upon arrival.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – As accessible as any other Vegas club (shortish cab ride from anywhere on the Strip), but the fact that you can’t walk prevents it from being a 5.

Overall – Here's the thing. The Rhino is well-known as the best strip club in the world. It's got the hottest girls I've ever seen and it's brilliantly set up, but it falls short in several key categories, including quality of dances and dancer attitude. I developed my rating system as a result of years of experience; you should trust my judgment. If you're going for the experience, visit the Rhino. But if you're going for the dances, you've got plenty of better options.

TOTAL SCORE = 65