Monday, October 3, 2016

Silk Exotic (Madison, WI)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – Like all Wisconsin establishments, Silk ostensibly operates with the familiar "We can touch you, but you can't touch us," one-way contact rule. Whether that rule is strictly enforced is going to vary substantially from dancer to dancer, with some giving you the go-ahead to creep and others toeing the company line. Regardless, though, you should be pretty pleased with these dances, since most women are aggressive enough with their one way contact that a bunch of you animals are gonna have to pay a dry cleaning premium after just a few dances. 

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) –  No heartbreakers and no dealbreakers, just a nice steady stream of women who are too hot for you that you're not willing to admit are too hot for you. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are plenty of women for the crowd and club size, and I actually prefer a club that isn't overflowing with dancers, but numbers are numbers, and Silk still comes up a bit short of the leading clubs in this category (mostly Vegas spots). 

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – At the time of this writing, I've spent the last 30 hours in Wisconsin, and nearly everyone falls somewhere in the range from Titanium White to Cadmium Yellow, with the population seemingly dominated by descendants of sausage-pounding Krauts (don't worry, as a piece-of-shit German-American myself, I'm allowed to write that). Given the near-complete lack of diversity in the general population, I'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad to report that there is a good deal of diversity in the clubs. It's not Cheetah's, but nothing is, and this is about as good as you're gonna get in Wisconsin. My only real complaint, and I can't believe I'm actually writing this about a Wisconsin club, is that there weren't enough curvy women for my taste. 

Attitude of Dancers (8/10) – You're gonna have to take this one with a slight grain of salt because I'm in Love with a Stripper here and I spent a good deal of my visit in the dance room with her. From what I saw, though, and what I heard from my buddy, the women here are really great. No hard sell, not much hustle, and they were all really easy to talk to. 

Value (6/10) – I think we paid an $8 cover on a Friday night (it may have been $10), which seems steep for the Midwest, where I watched someone order a Vodka Red Bull, Vodka Cran, and two Miller Lites for $18 at a downtown Madison bar. Dance value is a little below average in price (but a little above average in quality), at $25/dance with 2 for $40 deals (which includes a priceless Silk Exotic hat) running every so often during the night. $4 Miller Lites are a great deal, of course. We didn't see much action at the stage, and can't give an accurate rating there, so we're just gonna give our best guess and call it average. 

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – Silk has a very typical dance room setup: a back room with about 15 partitioned booths along the walls. They're big enough that the women have plenty of room to work and you're never going to cross streams with the guy in the next booth, which is nice. I also appreciated the fact that the lighting is dim enough that you can feel scandalous, but it's not so dark that you can't stop thinking about all the trucker jizz that you're wallowing in (I'm looking at you, back room at Anthony's in South Hadley). 

Club Setup (8/10) – Love this club setup. There's a large stage as you enter with plenty of seating, and the club opens up to a floor filled with dozens of chairs and tables. The bar is tucked in the back on the opposite side of the club as the stage. Silk is blessed with a beautiful space to work with, and they maximize it nicely, providing enough seating of various sorts and locations that anyone should find a spot where they're comfortable. 

Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – The lighting here is just about perfect, and the music was rock solid. The club's vibe can support several different types of crowds, from rowdy college kids to quickly-aging strip club reviewers. My only real complaint is that the club wasn't particularly busy when we got there (10 PM) or when we left (midnight). A club needn't be busy to be fun, but when you're working with a space as large as Silk's, you'd like to reach a critical mass of customers to maximize everyone's experience. 

Club Accessibility (1.5/5) – Located almost 10 miles outside of downtown Madison, Silk is a 20 minute drive from the city with no traffic. With the rise of Uber and Lyft over the last few years, I may need to rethink what it means to be accessible (our ride was only $20), but at a minimum, getting to Silk requires planning and effort, which sucks when you're drunk and tired and just want to pay someone to lie to you about how big your dick is. 

Overall – To say I was pleasantly surprised with Silk would be a significant understatement. This is a great club with even greater potential. And although Madison may not be a destination city for strip clubs, you'll definitely want to hit up this spot if you're ever passing through. 



  1. Prison? Coma? Wherever you've been its great to see you back online.