Notes on Visions Men's Club (New Orleans, LA)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (8/10) $8 cover with one drink ticket at night ($4 with a drink ticket during the day), , $4 domestics, $6 mixed drinks. Dances are $20 per song in the communal room, $30 in booths 

Club Setup (3/10) Huge M shaped bar/stage combo snakes through the room, a few pool tables in the back, fairly large club but a little run down. Bar stools attached to the floor and a little too far from bar so slightly uncomfortable. Nowhere else to sit. A few TVs but too small and/or too far from people who can see them to really watch much (not that you'd want to). I was told standing room only on weekend nights, but maybe a quarter full at prime time on a Sunday during jazz fest.

 

Atmosphere (7/10) Good mix of music. Mixed but reasonably decent crowd. Male bartenders, but at least they're. Least pushy shot girl ever asked "shot?" while walking by, barely slowing down. Dive bar strip club in the best possible way. Need a dart board to complete the effect though. 

Variety (3.5/5) Good mix of black and white, thick and thin but not many/any Asians or Latinas.

Dancer quality (6/10) A few in the 8 to 9 range but mostly 6s and 7s. A few post pregnancy bellies, but No one bad though, and the thick girls are the good kind of thick.

Dances (16/20) I got an excellent grind with over the pants hand action and some mouth teasing. 2 way contact was encouraged and tit groping was tolerated or encouraged, depending on the girl. 

Dance setup (7/10) In the communal dance room, a shitty uncomfortable bench surrounds the room. 3 corner seats are poor, everywhere else is unacceptable. For 10 dollars more, you can get your own room with an open door, which is solid because the angles are good, especially in the back 2. Would be a 1 for the $20 option or a 7 for the $30 option, but that's reasonably priced, so I'll go with that. If you want to splash a little more cash, the party rooms are even better. They're $175 for 20 minutes and I was told that "what happens in there stays in there" and that we could "do anything but have sex." I didn't try it out, so I can't comment on whose definition of sex that was referring to. 

Attitudes (8/10) chatty, low pressure, the opposite of bourbon street. One girl gave an unsolicited tour. They go person to person around the huge stage and shake it for a buck. Topless. One girl pointed out that I dropped a dollar. Most wait for a new song to start before counting dances.

Number of Dancers (6/10) There were about 3 girls on stage at a time while I was there. Several working crowd but more of a locals place so don't expect quick attention if you aren't one, still over a dozen working a relatively small crowd. 

Location (2.5/10) It's not a bad area, but you'll definitely need to drive or pay for a ride to get there. It cost me about $20 for a cab from the French Quarter, and an Uber should be a little cheaper than that. 

Overall - This is a great club. Definitely my favorite in New Orleans, and there's plenty of competition for that title. 

RAW SCORE = 67

Notes on Wisconsin Dolls (Wisconsin Dells, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Dances (12/20) good grind, 2 way not encouraged but tolerated to some extent

Dancers (5/10) decent. 2 pretty hot, a lot decent, none too bad

Club Setup (4.5/10) smallish but clean not a ton of seating but enough. There's 1 pit stage with chairs around. A few tall tables and long bar.

Dance Setup (4/10) You get dances in a back room with several booths. It's not super private but there are some dividers and it's not busy so no one can really see. There's a beaded entryway that people in one corner can see into. A bouncer peeked in once

Attitudes (8/10) very friendly. Sit and chat. One offered to buy me a shot. 

Value (6/10) $3 beers for happy hour and only $4 after (sadly, no Spotted Cow), $25 dances, Good nude stage show (one girl offered to "take a dollar off of any part of (my) body" - I handed it to herVIPs start at $120 for 30 min and include 2 drinks. Not bad. 

Atmosphere (5.5/10) good local bar vibe mix of music from rock and rap to country 

Variety (1/10) size variety and one mixed race dancer plus one Asian but mostly white 

Number (4.5/10) Not a ton of dancers but sufficient for a small club. Maybe 10 girls while I was there. 

Location (2/5) If you're in the Dells, this is your closest option, but you'll have to drive to get there. 

Overall - I liked this place a little better than the nearby Cruisin Chubby's based on my single visit to each place, but Crusin Chubby's had more potential, so it's a tossup between the two if you only have time for one. Either way, you should have a solid but unspectacular time. 

RAW SCORE = 52.5

Notes on Cruisin' Chubbys (Wisconsin Dells, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Club Setup (6/10) This place is like a big cabin. Everything is wood inside and there are deer heads on the walls. There's a huge main stage and a ton of seats around it. There a a few bars - a long stand up bar and another shorter stand up bar in the back near another stage. There are 7 tall tables on the main floor and a few more tables in the back. They need more seats away from the stage, but it's still solid. Good lighting effects. There's also a shower stage downstairs, but that seems to be reserved for bachelor parties.  They have a bunch of TVs, but unfortunately they were only showing club promotions what I was there. We're already here. What's the point? 

Quality of Dancers (7.5) Two were two absolutely smokin and a 3rd was way too skinny for me but still hot and right up some guys' alleys. 

Variety (0.5/5) There were some curves but all the girls were white, which isn't terribly surprising given the location. 

Number of dancers (2/5) There were only 4 dancers there during my evening visit, and two of those only appeared during their stage shows. Even though the club was dead, that wasn't enough dancers. 

Atmosphere (6.5/10) It could be solid with a group despite the less than ideal seating. Good music. Mostly R&B hip hop. 

Value (5.5/10) $10 cover, $5.50 Spotted Cow and $4.50 domestics. Lots of specials. 3 for 2 dances on Mondays and Tuesdays. 3 for $80 nude dances. $20 topless dances. Decent stage value with nude shows and a little contact. 

Dances (10.5/20) Good grind but lots of "don't touch the dancers" signs. 2 way not encouraged and probably not allowed other than the outsides of their legs, but I didn't push my luck. Only real downer was that, during the 3 for $80 nude dance set, one girl had to stop to take a shit. Can't say I was entirely comfortable with here grinding on my leg for the song and a half that was left after she finished that.  

Dance Setup (4/10)  nude downstairs in private booths with wooden walls and sheer curtain and comfy leather love seat. Would be 7.5/10, but the topless dance area isn't as good. Top less along back wall. That would earn them a  0.5 so I'll split it. 

Attitudes (3/10) I wasn't impressed. They didn't circulate. Two of the 4 stayed in the dressing room. They ask for tips and otherwise ignore guys. 3

Location (4/5) Technically, the location isn't great, but huge props from them offering a free shuttle to local hotels. I wish every club did that.

Overall - This place had a ton of potential, but it seemed like I might have visited them on an off night with only a few dancers in such a large, nice club. I hope to get back to re-evaluate, but that may have to wait for a while.  

RAW SCORE = 49.5

Notes on Diamond Jim's Gentleman's Club (Beloit, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (5/10) The cover is $7 early in the evening and $10 late but there wasn't a cover when I stopped by for the day shift. $3 Miller Lite and 2 drink min (stupid with cover). Pretty solid beer selection. Nude stage shows with some interaction but not great. $25 topless dances. 

Number of Dancers (2/10) Four girls were working but there were none to be seen an hour after opening at 4pm. Not really fair to judge based on day shift, but nearly a dozen customers with 0-2 dancers on the floor at a time was pretty rough. 

Variety (1.5/5) Of the four dancers I saw, one was black and three were white, but it can't score too high based on the small number of dancers. There was at least some size variation. 

Dancer Quality (6/10) Two of the girls that I saw were very cute. Maybe they sacrifice quantity for quality?  

Club Setup (4.5/10) Decent bar near entrance and another in back. 2 decent sized pit stages. Lots of tables and rolly chairs and a few nice reserved couches . Long fairly large club. (Note: My notes are based on how the club was in 2013. According to their website, they've made recent renovations, so it may be nicer now)

Atmosphere (2.5/10) Bad 80s music, depressing in the day. Could be solid at night but still a little diveish.

Attitudes (6.5/10) They sit and chat. Some push lady drinks but not too bad and they seem to be appreciative if you buy them. One returned a few bucks that I'd dropped on the floor. They try to sell you on going to the VIP. 

Dances 10.5 Two way contact is allowed but mostly legs and ass though some are ok with touching their tits. Decent grind. 

Dance Setup (3/10) There's soft bench seating with big dividers between everyone so you can only see if across or walking by. There are lots of spaces so you shouldn't have anyone looking at you during your dance.

Location (1.5/5) It's about half way between Beloit and Janesville, but not particularly close to either.

Overall - Diamond Jim's was fine for one visit, but I didn't feel any need to go out of my way to return. 

RAW SCORE = 43

Notes on Club Bristol (Sun Prairie, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Club Setup (3/10) It's a bit of a dump, but there's a decent sized pit main stage and another small (unused) stage near the entrance. A very large bar occupies most of the club and around it there are a few tall tables and four small tables with rolly chairs. There's a weird smoking area that looks like its meant for cattle. 

Dancers 5 all ok but one very cute and one pretty rough. 

Variety (3/5) There was a mix of black girls from Milwaukee and white girls and a nice mix of sizes. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) There were about 8 dancers on the day shift with more than a 1-1 dancer-to-customer ratio. That's still not a lot but is good for small club. The short 2 song sets means that you good to look at a different girls every few minutes, so that's nice. 

Atomsphere (3/10) It was too quiet and bright for my tastes. Despite the decent music (mostly hip hop) and the friendly bartendress's best efforts, it was a little depressing. 

Attitudes (7/10) Girls were friendly. They sat and chatted for a little or a lot before asking about dances. 

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) They were variable but all included a good grind and varying degrees of 2 way contact. Girls told me that some girls there give blow jobs, but none of the girls that I got dances from were offering that, and it seemed unlikely based on the high number of cameras. 

Dance Setup (4.5/10) There are comfy chairs in individual boots. People can see in the entrance of some but ones in the corner are pretty good. Bouncer peeks occasionally and demands to see your hands to make sure you aren't touching too much, and there are lots of cameras.

Value (6/10) $4 beer, no cover in day, nude stage show with some naked head stands but just ok though some contact, $20 dances. $7 cover at night.

Location (1.5/5) This place is about twice as far outside of madison as Silk (in the opposite direction), so it's not particularly accessible but isn't a bad drive if you aren't in the mood to drink too much.

Overall - I stopped by this place on the way back to Madison from the Hardware Store in Clyman. I preferred the Hardware Store, but Club Bristol is more accessible (or at least less inaccessible), so I'd probably go here more often if I spent a lot of time in Madison. It's a half-decent club though. 

RAW SCORE = 43.5

Notes on the Hardware Store (Clyman, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Number (3.5/10) There were two girls when I arrived in the afternoon at first and 2 more eventually showed up. The bartender read the 2 late ones the riot act. I was told that there were usually at least half dozen girls, but I only visited once, so I can't confirm that. 

Dancers (3.5/10) There girls weren't awful but one was thicker than most would like and one was way too thin. The two who showed up later were a little hotter but still nothing to write home about (if you're the kind of person who writes home about strippers). 

Variety (0.5/5) There was some size variation but all the girls were black chicks from Milwaukee during my visit.

Club Setup (2/10) There's a long simple bar and a narrow pit stage, plus one table in the main room. The other room has a pool table and dart board and a few tables and a small stage a few inches above the floor.

Dance Setup (6/10) There are very dark booths with leather seats in a small room in the back of the club. They're angled so people can only can see you if they're directly across from you and they probably won't be. The bouncer doesn't check on what you're up to.  

Dance Quality (15/20) These girls give a great grind and having them put my dick and the pants covering it into their mouths seemed pretty standard. Tit groping and crotch rubbing was encouraged. They all put their tits in my face and one girl put her hand up my shorts to grab my dick briefly, but she was trying to sell the ViP experience for $175 so she didn't try to finish me off, but she implied that everything was available for that price.  Some weren't quite as good but they still gave a great grind and full 2-way contact. 

Attitudes (4/10) This is a neighborhood place but there's still a tip walk. They're riendly once you talk to them, but they're a little hard on VIP and drink sales. One girl even had the nerve to ask me if I could tip her for her stage show as I walked in the door for the first time. 

Atmosphere (4/10) The R&B music felt out of place at such a county style club in the middle of nowhere, but I enjoyed it.  It seemed like it could be fun if you went with a group, but it was filled with depressed looking old white guys when I was there during the day shift. 

Value (7/10) - There's no cover during the day, beers are $4 beers, and you get some solid stage interaction for a few bucks. 

Location (0/5) - To get to the Hardware store, you have to drive to to the middle of nowhere then drive for another half hour. 

Overall - If the location were better, it would be one of my regular spot when I'm visiting friend in Wisconsin, but it's just a little to far from anything to be worth visiting often. 

RAW SCORE = 45.5

Notes on Tootsie's Cabaret (Miami, FL)

I've been going through my old notes over the past few weeks and just realize that I someone never posted my thoughts on Tootsie's Cabaret, which is tragic because it's one of my top 5 clubs anywhere in the world. These are my notes that I took during a few trips in 2013, so it's possible that things have changed since here, but I still feel confident giving it my strong endorsement.

Value (5.5/10) No cover and 1/2 price drinks before 8. Cover from $6-$10 depending on day. Nude stage with very good stage show but not ton of interaction. $6 miller ($3 in day). Seems like $3-400ish for more than dances ($75 to club in day ($100 at night) plus $2-300 to girl). $10 table dances but no real touching though nude. 

Club setup (8.5/10) enormous club. Big main stage with 2 25ish foot poles. Another large stage off to side. 2 large bars, dozens of small tables with shitty chairs. Stand up bar tops in back  Both have raised stage area with nearly floor level area by rail. Huge Sports bar with pool tables, 3 cage stages and 4 pop a shot machines. Area upstairs for "high rollers". A little too bright and warehouseish but smoke effects and party vibe make it work though a little impersonal. 

Dancer quality (9/10) some very young, maybe too many implants but very impressive overall. All 7s+

Variety (3/5) white and Latina nice mix, barely any black, all in good shape but some curves

Number (10/10) 3 on stage in afternoon, dozens walking floor and Upwards of a hundred working

Attitudes (2.5/10) definitely some hustle. A few girls grabbed me while I was walking and said "want to have a seat?", then I realized they meant in the dance room . Relentless upswell. Most rub your dick over pants at tables though so not all bad

Atmosphere (9/10) huge party 

Dances (14/20) full 2 way, moderate grinding, promises of extras. Some hands over pants. Some over pants mouth and some Girls reach in to adjust the dick

Dance setup (5.5/10) booths with little wall in front. People walking by can see from some angles but reasonably private. Both dance areas are similar

Location (3/5) Not too far from the city, but you're going to have to drive to get there.

Overall - As mentioned above, Tootsie's Cabaret is among my favorite clubs of all time. I like a lot of South Florida clubs, but this is the best of them.

RAW SCORE - 70

Notes on Crystal City Restaurant (Arlington, VA)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Club Setup (6/10) Like a restaurant. Tables with table cloth and lots of booths. Separate room enclosed by glass for cigars. Bars at both sides (small one in main area and small one in smoking section) lots of TVs, electronic board with betting odds. Seems like a place bookies would hang out but not sure? Smallish main stage with a few seats and poles at the corners but can't do pole moves on those ones. Horizontal bar at the top but not really utilized. 

Atmosphere (6/10) business crowd. Old dudes in business attire. Top 40 type music. 

Girls (6/10) Pasties and thongs. Mostly a little older but still hot. None amazing but mostly decent other than one rough one. Pasties small enough to not be bad. Some implants but not too many. 

Number (4/10) hardly any sit with customers but one on each stage and short stage sets so get to see a variety but hard to estimate #

Variety. (1.5/5) some size and age variation but mostly white with medium build.  A few thin and a few thick and one amazing part Latina/Asian?  One blond. A few black. 

Attitudes (3/10) tip walk but no pressure. Smile on stage. They take tips in their hands while doing the tip walk and pick them up off the stage so not much interaction. That's why bad score. Not actually unfriendly. Seems like should be great . Can buy dances from waitress. One dancer warned that the rules were too strict and the dance wouldn't be bad. She couldn't understand why I gave her a tip (she thought I accidentally paid twice and tried to give my money back). 

Value (5/10). No cover. $5.45 beer after tax. What strip club charges tax?!?!? Stage interaction very weak. Food decent price. $3 something for cheeseburger. $20 for 5 minutes of lapdances (based on time rather than songs)

Dance Setup (7/10) - You get a private room with a stage and a bench. There's only 1 of them so you might have to wait your turn. Nothing happens, but it's nice and private. 

Dance Quality (3/20) - You might get some let to leg contact, but that's about it from most of these girls. I was warned that they're "private dances," not "lap dances," because there will be little to no contact made with your lap. One girl apologized for how shitty Northern Virginia dances are and implied that we could have more fun after her shift, but I didn't pursue it. 

Location. (2/5) It's beside a 7-11. Street parking is a pain in the ass but there's public transportation.

Overall - Northern Virginia clubs are a waste of time, but this one is slightly less of a waste of time than most. The fact that I once lived within walking distance of this place and still only visited a few times should let you know that it isn't great though. Unless you're desperate for something in the area, save your cash and find time to drive to Baltimore. 

RAW SCORE - 43.5

Notes on BT's Executive Club (Dearborn, MI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (5/10) $7 valet parking but at least they moved the sign out of the way for my motorbike, $10 cover. $7.75 beer and water. Good stage interaction. $20 for a booth and $25 to the girl.  

Club Setup (7/10):  ice bar, ton of 2 person tables and lots of booths on one side. Long narrow main stage in center and narrow ledge stage near booths. 

Atmosphere (6/10) younger slightly rougher crowd. Loud music. Fair number of female customers

Quality of Dancers (7/10) not bad, bug only a few really hot. Mostly moderately attractive 6s and 7s. 

Attitudes (8/10) smile a lot, seem to be having fun. Very nice to talk to and happy to chat

Number (8/10) . 4 on stages at a time and one at most tables  

Variety (3.5/5) black and white that are hot. Some thin and some curves. Similar to pantheon but not quite as attractive but more to chose from 

Dances (19/20) great grind, they moved my hand to their crotches, their hands rubbing my dick through my pants pants, got some unsolicited offers for bj or hj

Dance Setup (6/10) booths with bench but most don't have curtains. Some do. You want the ones that do. Same price.

Location (2/5) - It isn't far from the Pantheon Club, but isn't particularly close to anywhere else you'd want to be. 

Overall - I visited so many clubs during my last trip to Detroit that BT's and a few other clubs run together in my head, but I remember really enjoying my time at this club. I liked the Inkster clubs and Penthouse a little better, but strip club fans in most cities would kill to have a club as good as BT's. 

RAW SCORE = 71.5

Notes on Pantheon Club (Dearborn, MI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (6/10) valet but free for motorcycles, $7 beer, $10 cov. Better than average pole moves

Club setup (7/10) long stage in center with 2 Girls, narrow ledges towards outside with poles and 1 girl each. Decent bar at one side, Ton of chairs lining stages. About 5 small tables and the rest of seating is wavy bench that lines walls (waves make semi-booths). Tall poles

Atmosphere (4/10) good mix of music. older. Crowd but still relaxed. Something was missing though. 

Dancers (7.5/10) consistently solid. All attractive. Doesn't have the super thin model types, but I'm ok with that. 

Attitudes (8/10) very friendly but seemed to be a regulars place. I struggled to get attention but once I did it was good. 

Number (7/10) 4 on stage at a time, several working a fairly dead room at 11pm on a Friday. 

Variety (3.5/5) nice mix of attractive black and white, some good curves and some thin. Some beautiful black girls that aren't stick figures

Dances (16/20) not as direct on offers for extras as some other Detroit clubs but still a very good grind with full 2-way contact

Dance Setup (8/10) booth with bench and curtain

Location (1.5/5) You're going to need to drive to get here, as there isn't anything particularly interesting nearby. 

Overall - This is far from the best club in the Detroit area, but the score doesn't lie - it's solid all around and definitely worth a visit if you're in the area.  

RAW SCORE = 68.5

Notes on Chantilly Lace (Rockford, IL)

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Notes on Henry the VIII (Inkster, MI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated.  

Value (7/10) $5 cover, $6.75 beer. $10 to club for wristband plus $20 to dancer per dance

Club Setup (2.5/10). Small club, tiny tables and not many of them have really uncomfortable chairs facing stage. Not set up to hang out. . Dart board. 3 stages at various places across small room. Some stage side seating at two side stage but not the main stage. A few seats at bar. Area in back up a few steps that has seats at rail to watch main stage. Good view but 15 feet away. 

Atmosphere (2/10) metal, blue collar, some waitresses hot. No motircycles, no colors, etc. 

Quality of Dancers (3/10) some fat, some worn out, se in 6 range but none higher

Attitudes (6/10) sit and chat neighborhood place

Number (4/10). Not many customers but only half dozen-ish dancers. Seemed like more (and hotter) servers than dancers. About a dozen on second visit but not much quality and same after shift change

Variety (2/5) Size variation but mostly white during my visits. A few black. More black at night

Dances (20/20) grind, full two way, offers for more. I can leave whoever I want. Half hour for 80. 

Dance Setup (8/10)  partitioned booths in separate room but corner booths are fairly private because walls come

In. Very dark with re lighting.   Now curtained booths with chair. 8. Can sort of see through if looking, but don't look.

Location (2.5/5) Near airport and Bogart's and Flight Club

Overall - Bogart's is a similar club that does most things better than this place, but it isn't far away so it could be worth checkout out both places.

RAW SCORE = 57 

Notes on 2 Honolulu clubs

Note: Before I write a review, I usually try to visit a club at least 3 times - preferably at least 2 evenings in addition to a day shift - so that I can be sure my review will fairly describe the experience that you're likely to receive. The bad thing about that is that, sometimes, I'll visit a club once or twice then never get around to visiting a 3rd time so I'll never turn my notes into full reviews. 

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to clear out some of my old notes. I'm just posting them as is, so they won't be in full sentences and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that I only made 1 trip to both of these places and it was in late 2013, so you might have a very different experience than I did.


During my last trip to Hawaii, I started off my night by taking a trip to Saigon Passion III, but after an hour of waiting around with no dancers in the building, I headed to Club Femme Nu. 

Here are my notes on the place:

Value: Not great. $7 cover with 5 beer credit. $5 miller lite.

$40 dancer drink. $25 dances

Quality of Dances: Nude, but not great. Not much contact in either direction. 

Number of Dancers: Lots of girls on stage but mostly sitting around. 

Booths all around. 

Dance Setup: Weird wooden gate for private booth.

Overall - I'd avoid Saigon Passion III. Club Femme Nu wasn't great either, but with any better clubs a several hour flight away, it's worth visiting if you're in Honolulu for an extended period of time. 

Notes on Penthouse Club (Detroit, MI)

Note: Before I write a review, I usually try to visit a club at least 3 times - preferably at least 2 evenings in addition to a day shift - so that I can be sure my review will fairly describe the experience that you're likely to receive. The bad thing about that is that, sometimes, I'll visit a club once or twice then never get around to visiting a 3rd time so I'll never turn my notes into full reviews.  

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to clear out some of my old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentences and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated.   

Value (2.5/10) Valet 7 cover 10 beer 8.25

Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) so hot. Black girls look like models and white are almost all really hot

Variety (2/5) mostly white all in good shape a few black and Latina but non white are spectacular. Some curves and not too many implants but enough if that's your thing. 

Number (10/10). Had to be 50+

Club Setup (7/10). Same as Philly but more crowded. Smoking area upstairs. 

Attitudes (7/10) friendly. Good to talk to. 

Atmosphere (7/10) classy party. Good mix of regulars and first time visitors. Some hip hop (told owner didn't allow before)

Location (2/5) take the the highway!

Dance Setup (8/10)  Private thick curtain booths with couches. No visible camera. 

Dances (16/20) good grind full 2 way. Hands over pants. Some extras. 

Overall - Great club. Go here.

RAW SCORE = 71

Silk Exotic (Madison, WI)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – Like all Wisconsin establishments, Silk ostensibly operates with the familiar "We can touch you, but you can't touch us," one-way contact rule. Whether that rule is strictly enforced is going to vary substantially from dancer to dancer, with some giving you the go-ahead to creep and others toeing the company line. Regardless, though, you should be pretty pleased with these dances, since most women are aggressive enough with their one way contact that a bunch of you animals are gonna have to pay a dry cleaning premium after just a few dances. 

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) –  No heartbreakers and no dealbreakers, just a nice steady stream of women who are too hot for you that you're not willing to admit are too hot for you. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are plenty of women for the crowd and club size, and I actually prefer a club that isn't overflowing with dancers, but numbers are numbers, and Silk still comes up a bit short of the leading clubs in this category (mostly Vegas spots). 

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – At the time of this writing, I've spent the last 30 hours in Wisconsin, and nearly everyone falls somewhere in the range from Titanium White to Cadmium Yellow, with the population seemingly dominated by descendants of sausage-pounding Krauts (don't worry, as a piece-of-shit German-American myself, I'm allowed to write that). Given the near-complete lack of diversity in the general population, I'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad to report that there is a good deal of diversity in the clubs. It's not Cheetah's, but nothing is, and this is about as good as you're gonna get in Wisconsin. My only real complaint, and I can't believe I'm actually writing this about a Wisconsin club, is that there weren't enough curvy women for my taste. 

Attitude of Dancers (8/10) – You're gonna have to take this one with a slight grain of salt because I'm in Love with a Stripper here and I spent a good deal of my visit in the dance room with her. From what I saw, though, and what I heard from my buddy, the women here are really great. No hard sell, not much hustle, and they were all really easy to talk to. 

Value (6/10) – I think we paid an $8 cover on a Friday night (it may have been $10), which seems steep for the Midwest, where I watched someone order a Vodka Red Bull, Vodka Cran, and two Miller Lites for $18 at a downtown Madison bar. Dance value is a little below average in price (but a little above average in quality), at $25/dance with 2 for $40 deals (which includes a priceless Silk Exotic hat) running every so often during the night. $4 Miller Lites are a great deal, of course. We didn't see much action at the stage, and can't give an accurate rating there, so we're just gonna give our best guess and call it average. 

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – Silk has a very typical dance room setup: a back room with about 15 partitioned booths along the walls. They're big enough that the women have plenty of room to work and you're never going to cross streams with the guy in the next booth, which is nice. I also appreciated the fact that the lighting is dim enough that you can feel scandalous, but it's not so dark that you can't stop thinking about all the trucker jizz that you're wallowing in (I'm looking at you, back room at Anthony's in South Hadley). 

Club Setup (8/10) – Love this club setup. There's a large stage as you enter with plenty of seating, and the club opens up to a floor filled with dozens of chairs and tables. The bar is tucked in the back on the opposite side of the club as the stage. Silk is blessed with a beautiful space to work with, and they maximize it nicely, providing enough seating of various sorts and locations that anyone should find a spot where they're comfortable. 

Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – The lighting here is just about perfect, and the music was rock solid. The club's vibe can support several different types of crowds, from rowdy college kids to quickly-aging strip club reviewers. My only real complaint is that the club wasn't particularly busy when we got there (10 PM) or when we left (midnight). A club needn't be busy to be fun, but when you're working with a space as large as Silk's, you'd like to reach a critical mass of customers to maximize everyone's experience. 

Club Accessibility (1.5/5) – Located almost 10 miles outside of downtown Madison, Silk is a 20 minute drive from the city with no traffic. With the rise of Uber and Lyft over the last few years, I may need to rethink what it means to be accessible (our ride was only $20), but at a minimum, getting to Silk requires planning and effort, which sucks when you're drunk and tired and just want to pay someone to lie to you about how big your dick is. 

Overall – To say I was pleasantly surprised with Silk would be a significant understatement. This is a great club with even greater potential. And although Madison may not be a destination city for strip clubs, you'll definitely want to hit up this spot if you're ever passing through. 

RAW SCORE = 64