Saturday, June 13, 2009
Lamplighter II (Worcester, MA)
Quality of dances (13/20) – I really struggled with rating the dance quality at this club. Here was my initial review:
If you're there for the dances, you won't be disappointed at the Lamplighter II. I've frequented nearly every strip club in Massachusetts, and I can say with confidence that these dances are the best the Bay State has to offer. Dancers were extremely aggressive with contact in both directions, to the point where even an experienced club-goer might blush with modesty. Normally, this rating would be a 17 or 18, but because it derives from a limited sample size, it was knocked down for the sake of prudence.
Sadly, later visits brought it back down to earth. The dances here are very unpredictable. The same girl who amazed me on my first is no longer there and there are a few others whose give outstanding dances, but there are also girls who give dances that are average at best. The bouncer will occasionally yell at the dancers who allow 2-way contact, but they don't seem to worry too much about that. Still, you're probably better off assuming that the dances will suck, then being very pleasantly surprised if you get the right girl, rather than the other way around.
Quality of dancers (3/10) – Certainly not Worcester's finest, but seriously, look at the picture of this place: What were you expecting? Despite this rating, I'm confident that you'll find at least one dance-worthy woman at any given time.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – Even on their best day, it's rare to see more than 5 dancers here, and it's not unusual to see fewer than that. Sure, this is a small club, but three dancers at 4 PM is an unacceptably low number, particularly when one isn't even walking the floor. There can be a decent post-work crowd of 10-15 guys (many of whom seemed to be regulars), so they can't justify these numbers on a lack of patrons. Also, at Centerfold's two hundred meters down the road (a similarly crowded club), there are often three or four times as many dancers working on the afternoon shift.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – Because of the lack of women, it's difficult to fairly judge this category. However, the three who were present on my first visit did present a wide range of options: skinny blonde pasty-white girl, thicker black woman with enormous cans, and an olive-skinned white woman with dark features and lovely lap dance hips. When it's busier, the amount of pasty-white girls and thicker black women goes up, but sadly, the one olive-skinned beauty has moved on. Speaking of which, if anyone knows what Denise is up to these days, shoot me an email.
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – I've been disappointed by the lack of rounds made by the women and am generally ambivalent about their attitudes. Most of them aren't bad, but there are usually one or more who don't seem to be all there mentally.
Value (6/10) – No cover before 6 and $5 after that. It's a little ridiculous that this place has the balls to ever charge a cover, but it's in line with industry standards. Beers are also a standard $4-5. At $20, the dances are a tremendous value, and certain dancers will make the stage action worth your time. I just wish that the asshole-flex stage move would be banned from all establishments nationwide. Customers should get paid to watch that nonsense.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) – The dance setup here could be amazing, but doesn't quite live up to its potential. Dances are conducted in large comfortable chairs in a curtained-off room providing significant privacy. However, that room is directly next to both the front door and the smoking patio, so people are constantly walking by and could sneak a peek if they wanted to. Also, because there are two chairs in the room, it's possible to be getting a dance right next to another dude in the private room. The shitiness of that situation speaks for itself. Of course, this shouldn't be a problem for you, because the readers of Stripperpoll will know to refuse to dance in a currently-occupied room.
Club Setup (2/10) – Decent for a dive bar, awful for a strip club. Half a dozen tables dot the tiny floor space and the stage is smallish and lined with uncomfortable wooden chairs. No matter where you are, you feel like you can't just relax and hang out. Also, during the day, the open door to the smoking patio allows daylight to pour in to an otherwise dark club, which is never a good thing.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – At the time this club was originally reviewed, this rating was a 4.5, based mostly on the fact that the DJ played Shawty is Da Shit by The Dream, a Stripperpoll favorite. But now that the excitement from that song has worn off, it's clear that a 3.5 is more accurate. There really isn't much positive to say about Lamplighter II's atmosphere. As was mentioned above, it's basically a dive bar with no remarkable characteristics.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Located about 5 miles outside of Worcester on the SW Cutoff (route 20), Lamplighter II is a little far for a cab ride from downtown, but it's otherwise easily accessible by car.
Overall – Lamplighter II is all about dance quality, and if you're anything like me, you'll appreciate that. You'd never want to have a bachelor party here, but it works well for an after work beer and dance. Come in with the right expectations and you should leave satisfied.
TOTAL SCORE = 47