Magic Lantern (Palmer, MA)

Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances here are supposed to be 1-way contact, but the girls aren't too strict about that as long as you aren't obvious about it. Management has a great view of what's going on in the dance room though, so being nervous about touching kind of kills it. Either way, the girls are naked and aren't shy about grinding and rubbing their heads in your crotch. Also, even though I've never gotten any offers, extras are likely available as Magic Lantern girls have been busted for prostitution in the past.

Quality of dancers (3.5/10) – I lowered my expectations when I saw the outside of this place, and the girls here still were a disappointment. They weren't ugly, but there's no reason to pay to see most of them naked.

Number of dancers (2/10) – More dancers work later in the day, but in the afternoon, there are usually about 2 girls in the place and none on the stage.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2/5) – There's some variety in body type, but the majority of girls here are white.

Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) – Everyone here is really friendly and, even after talking to a girl for a little while, the conversation doesn't turn to their problems. Also, the one dancer was willing to give me a song and a half for the price of one without me asking just because it was a slow day.

Value (6.5/10) – There's no cover charge in the afternoon and the cover in the evenings is only a few bucks. You can get Budweiser 16 oz drafts for $3.50, and reasonably good dances are $20. The value would have been even higher if they kept the stage occupied.

Dance Setup (1/10) – The main dance room is right between the entrance, the bar, and the stage, and it's made of slightly tinted glass, so anyone can see what you're up to. There are no dividers for privacy, so you'll be right beside someone else if two people get dances at the same time. The VIP dances are more private and they're 3 for $100, but that isn't worth doing unless you get some guarantees about what's going to happen back there.

Club Setup (2/10) – There's a large trench-style stage with chairs surrounding it, but there isn't really anywhere else to sit other than the bar. Though sitting at the bar isn't a bad thing, since the bartendress is by far the hottest girl in the place.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place is your standard solid dive bar, but there just happen to be some topless women walking around. If I lived near here, I'd probably stop by fairly often to grab a beer, but sadly there isn't enough talent to keep my interest for too long. Also, there's some strange music selections, and I'm pretty sure that it's the only place that I'll ever get a dance to the Jack Johnson song from Curious George.

Club Accessibility (1/5) – If you think this club is in the middle of nowhere, you should see the Deliveranceish place that you'll end up if you believe the address that's listed on their website. They're actually located at 399 Wilbraham Rd (Rt. 20) in Palmer, which still isn't really close to anything worthwhile.

Overall - The Magic Lantern is a very average club, but everything's cheap enough that it might be worth stopping by to see who's working if you're in the area. I'd never drive far to get here though.


TOTAL SCORE = 41