Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Zachary's Pub (Mashpee, MA)

Quality of dances (3/20) – You know what to expect from the minute you walk into the place, as the dj's most frequent line is, "Now's a great time to get a dance from one of our lovely ladies. Just as a reminder, in compliance with Massachusetts state law, contact with the dancers is strictly prohibited." The club was too bright and too wide open for me to bother trying anything, but according to the girls, the rules are uniformly enforced. The dancer did make some contact with me, but even that was fairly limited.

Quality of dancers (3/10) – There really aren't many terrible girls here, but there aren't any that would be above average at a respectable club either.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – According to the dry erase board at the entrance, 5 girls were working the evening I was there, but I didn't even see that many.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2/5) – Unsurprisingly, most of the girls here are white. I did see one Asian or Latina girl during my visit.

Attitude of dancers (5/10) – The girls didn't look any happier to be here than I was, but when they got on stage, the attitudes were great. For a buck or two (usually 2 since the club gives $2 bills as change), the one dancer walked off the stage and gave short versions of her lap dance. I wish I'd known that before I bought a dance from her, but I liked the effort nonetheless.

Value (4/10) – The cover ($8 when I was there, but different by the hour) and the dances ($20) were way too high, but I can't complain about $3 drafts and solid stage shows. Just as a warning though, the stage value varied wildly from one girl to the next.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – This is about as bad of a dance setup as I've ever seen. You sit along the one wall, but it's right in the middle of the brightly lit club, within sight of the dj who keeps making announcements about the state ban on contact. They get half a point because there was a lit fireplace beside the dances, but I'm probably being too generous with that.

Club Setup (1.5/10) – The inside isn't any better than the outside. The stage is terrible, the seats are uncomfortable, and the club is comically oversized for the number of girls and patrons.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – I can't imagine ever having a good time here, but due to the reasonable beer prices, it might not be a terrible option for an after work beer if you're a local.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – There's a motel/apartments above the club, but other than that, this place is in the middle of nowhere.

Overall – The picture and the dance description tell you all that you need to know.



  1. This is a pretty poor reflection of Zachary's (a.k.a.: Mashpee School of Dance). I've been there several times and although it may not be a "posh" gentlemen's club they do very well with what they have. In my opinion the ratings above are a little harsh. And consider this: Zachary's is the ONLY gentlemen's club on the entirety of Cape Cod. If Zachary's is really as bad as you have portrayed it, don't you think someone would have opened the SECOND club on the Cape with the ability to blow away the competition? Just my two cents.

  2. zachary's is great....i have been to strip clubs all over the world, places where u can touch and do more. colombia, portugal, italy, brazil, hawaii, tijuana, montreal, cancun and more. needless to say those places are great but they are not in the continental states, this place has 2 dollar drafts, great looking girls, and do alot for a dollar tip. yes the lap dance is the worst 20 bucks u will ever spend but, the girls definitely make up for it. there is one girl named athena that works there that could easily be in penthouse, hustler, any of the magazines u can imagine. they also do have blacks, asians, and latinas here which needless to say is hard to believe for alot due to the reflection of the overwhelming amount of whites in the area. i think its the best place in mass, u wont get a providence experience but its way better than any of the metro boston clubs not to mention if u show up at 2 on a tuesday there are girls there that are actually good looking.

  3. Zachary's is very good "if" you know when to go. Thursday's-Saturdays, and look for Rachel (tiny thing, auburn hair, gorgeous bod, and tits you'd write home about). Haven't seen her in a while...just hope she still works there.

    1. Agree about Rachel... Wow

  4. i have been to a number of strip clubs and this was one of my favs....i saw some gorgeous, talented girls there....def not posh but i prefer my strippys to be on the seedier side. i didnt find that it was too bright at all. i liked the closeness of the slightly make shift stage right in the middle of things, and you def got your moneys worth for a show. I didnt mind the drive so much but would like it better in a busier are cuz there would probably be a better crowd to fill up the space....but hey nothing wrong with bien able to walk around and have your choice of couches to get a dance on

  5. Awful review. While this place isn't that great, it isn't half as bad as you stated. I've been to over 250 strip clubs in 38 states and 12 countries and I would rate this, one a scale of 1-20 (being best) probably a solid 12.

  6. Anonymous,

    I respectfully disagree. Also, with that kind of experience, maybe you should start a strip club review blog. I would definitely read it.


  7. I agree with this review. In fact I think he was a little too nice about it. Zachary's blows, and the reason no one has opened a second strip club on Cape, is because Richard, the man who owns Zachary's, went through hell to get it open.. Either way, it sucks. Just go 45 minutes to Providence and get yourself a handy ;)

  8. Haven't been in so so many years I'm going to have to check it out I will give w honest review

  9. Worst strip club ever! Lady at the front door was jerk to my buddy. Bartender chick was almost as bad. Awful set up, terrible dancers!