The Catwalk Club (New Haven, CT)

Quality of dances (7/20) - The dances are nude, and despite the signs saying that no contact of any kind is permitted, the girls who know how to use their knees still manage to give a decent dance. It's hard to enjoy it too much though with a large dreadlocked bouncer sitting 5 feet away to strictly enforce the rule against you touching dancers. I was told that some touching is allowed in the $200 private room, but you should probably kill yourself if you even consider that.

Quality of dancers (3.5/10) - The girls ranged from terrible to decent, but even the decent ones looked worn.

Number of dancers (2/10) - There weren't many dancers at all, but I can't imagine there ever being many customers, so you'll be able to get a girl for a dance if you want.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) - There was actually a lot of variety - black and white, naturally female and probable tranny, and linebackerish and meth skinny dancers were all working when I was there.

Attitude of Dancers (1.5/10) - The girls who weren't on stage were in their dressing room, and it still took several announcements and about 5 minutes just to get a girl to come out for her set. The dancers didn't look any happier to be there than I was, and I got a hard time for asking for change after my dance.

Value (2/10) - I paid a $10 cover, but apparently it's usually $12. Either way, it's too high. There's a 2 drink minimum which, at $4 per soda or water, means that you're paying $20 just to get in this place. The dances are $25, and they aren't worth more than half of that.

Dance Setup (0/10) - I was tempted to give them a negative score for dance setup, but I'll be generous and let them have a "0." There are just a few shitty chairs beside a bouncer, and there's no sort of partition between them. The chair area is only separated from the main stage area of the club by a lattice fence, so everyone can watch while you get a dance.

Club Setup (5.5/10) - It looks like they designed this place well but then just lost interest when it came time to execute it. There's a nice large stage with fancy overhead lighting, and the chairs are all comfortable. There just aren't enough tables, and the tables that they do have are all inexplicably crowded along the one wall, forcing anyone who wants a decent view of the one girl on stage to sit too close to each other.

Club Atmosphere (2/10) - For an alcohol-free club, the atmosphere here isn't too bad, but alcohol would be necessary to ever really enjoy this place. Also, you'd think that a club that can't serve alcohol would at least be well stocked with everything else, but this place doesn't have anything other than soda and bottled water.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - The neighborhood isn't great and you probably won't feel comfortable leaving your car here, but it's easily accessible from New Haven or I-95, and is just a few blocks away from the best pizza in New England.

Overall - I was hoping that this place would be decent as a pit stop for late night drives between NY and Boston, but with at least a $10 dollar cover and no energy drinks, that won't be happening. There's nothing specifically terrible about The Catwalk other than the dance setup, but they just don't do anything well and I'd recommend that you avoid it.

TOTAL SCORE = 31.5