Quality of dances (4/20) – Half the dance was spent with the girl on the floor in front of me doing the exact same thing that she did on stage, and the other half of the dance involved her making moderate contact with me. The dancers aren't really attractive enough that you'd want to touch them, but if you do, they won't allow you to anyway.
Quality of dancers (3/10) – The dancers that I saw had decent bodies, but their faces were jacked and they had fake tits. If anything, I'm being generous with this score.
Number of Dancers (2/10) – The afternoon shift was pathetic, and even though they said that they'd have a few more in the evening, that would have still been a joke.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – They get some credit for having an Asian mixed in amongst the overwhelming whiteness of the club, but she's older and has particularly unnatural looking tits.
Attitude of dancers (2.5/10) – I was the only guy in the club when I got there, and the girls looked annoyed that I showed up because it meant that one of them had to start dancing. It's obvious that a guy sitting at an alcohol-free bar in a strip club is there for dances, but they still didn't approach me. Once I talked to a girl at the stage, she was nice enough, but it shouldn't have to get to that point.
Value (1/10) – The cover is $5 during the day and $10 at night, and sodas and waters are $5 each. The $20 dances aren't worth more than $5, and the stage action is sub-par. The only reason to ever go to a shitty little strip bar in the middle of nowhere is to save money, and you won't be doing that here.
Dance Setup (0/10) – There's a slightly offset section near the entrance where the dances are given, but most of the people in the club and everyone at the bar has a perfect view of you while you're getting a dance. There are no partitions, the seats aren't terribly comfortable, and the area is slightly brighter than the rest of the club.
Club Setup (4/10) – There are a lot of tables and a decent sized stage here, and even though the bar is small, that doesn't matter since no one would sit at the bar anyway.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This place could have a decent dive bar atmosphere, but they don't serve or allow you to bring your own alcohol, so it's just terrible. They do have dozens of copies of the XTREME Magazine laying around the club, so that can keep you entertained once you get sick of looking at the slop that they have on stage.
Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – This club is in the middle of nowhere, but you could get here in 15 minutes from Lowell, so I'll give it a half a point for that.
Overall – Even by Massachusetts standards, this club sucks.
TOTAL SCORE = 19.5
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