Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – These aren't Follies-quality dances, but you could do a lot worse than Oasis for table dances in Atlanta. Most of the girls alternate between moderate friction with some knee action and air, but these do at least feel like lap dances. Nothing about the vibe lead me to believe that tit grabbing would be acceptable, so I didn't try it, but I was lucky enough to witness one guy making a horribly failed attempt to go for it. Hands on the hips is generally fine though as long as you aren't too aggressive about it.
Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – The Oasis ladies aren't quite as hot across the board as the ladies at The Cheetah or the Pink Pony, but they're almost all still very hot and fairly young. Considering the number of girls that they have working on weekend nights, it's impressive that they're still able to maintain such solid quality control.
Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – I couldn't even guess how many ladies were working on a Saturday night, but the club was packed with guys and pretty much every table had at least one girl and most had more than one. Whether you're looking for dances or company, you shouldn't have to wait long at all to find a girl who's willing to provide it.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – This is where Oasis really set itself apart from the Pink Pony for me. They still have lots of thin white blonds, but they also have a few slightly thicker girls, a few black girls and even several Asians. With so many girls working the crowd, there's usually a different type in just about every direction.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – These girls are surprisingly friendly considering how hot they are and how busy the place gets. Everyone was happy to sit and chat before asking about dances, and one girl was particularly impressive with her sports conversation. I always enjoy when girls seem to know at least a little about sports, but this girl wasn't just talking generalities like, "how do you think the Falcons will do this year?" It was more along the lines of, "what do you think about the rumor that the Eagles are looking to sign another left tackle?" It was like getting a dance from an infinitely more attractive female John Clayton.
Value (6/10) – The $5.50 beers are 50 cents more than at most other places in Atlanta, but the $10 cover, $10 table dances and bathroom attendant looking for a tip are all standard. The stage action is merely adequate, but since they don't have seats at the stages, it's hard to complain too much about a free show when the girls are this attractive.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Unless you're willing to drop the cash for a half hour of private dances, you'll be getting your dance at your seat right out in the middle of the open room. That doesn't allow the girls to stretch the rules at all, and, unless you're shameless, it doesn't allow you to fully relax either. I know a lot of people love the idea of $10 table dances in Atlanta, but I'd be more than happy to pay double that for even a modicum of privacy. You know, like you do with lap dances almost everywhere else in the country.
Club Setup (8/10) – Oasis is a large square room with high ceilings that really should feel like a warehouse, but somehow they make it work. There are well lit framed artsy lingerie posters around the room like you'd see at some of the big Vegas clubs and it just generally manages to be classy without being too stuffy. There's a large bar at one side of the room, a small bar at the other side and three fairly small stages around the room. My only complaint there is that there are no seats at the stage, so you have to stand and deliver if you want to give a tip, but it does mean that everyone has a decent view from all of the 3 or 4 person tables with moveable chairs that fill up the room. The best thing about this place is that, unlike almost all of the other Atlanta clubs, there's plenty of seating, even when it's packed.
Club Atmosphere (8.5/10) – Oasis is a nice place to relax in the early evening and a nice place to party once the night really gets going. It would probably be my choice for a bachelor party destination in Atlanta, and it's just generally a good time.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – This place is on the outskirts of Atlanta, but they do have plenty of parking and they're in the same general direction as Follies, so you can hit them both if you're looking to make the trip worthwhile.
Overall – Oasis is a very nice club that will be a regular stop for me any time that I'm in town. It isn't the best at any individual aspect - their girls aren't quite the hottest, their dances aren't the most aggressive, and their location is pretty much the worst - but they're still in a two way race with Follies for the title of best all-around strip club in Atlanta. I'm all about the dances, so you're more likely to find me at Follies, particularly before the clubs get too busy, but Oasis is the place to go if you're looking to have a night out on the town and the quality of ladies is more important to you than the quality of the table dances.
RAW SCORE = 58
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Camelot West (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – You're probably better off sticking with table dances, but if you can manage to find anyone worth getting a lap dance from, you should be pleased with the quality. The girls give a good grind and encourage at least moderate two way contact, and a lot of girls will graze their hands over your crotch. Many of the girls will promise that lots of fun can be had if the reasonably priced locked private booths, but I had zero interest in getting more intimate with these ladies.
Quality of Dancers (1/10) – Most of these ladies were a little older, a little larger, or both. I only saw one who I'd rate above a 6, and most of them were in the 2-5 range on the non-pro scale.
Number of Dancers (2/10) – I saw about a half dozen dancers and there was a decent dancer to customer ratio, but that really doesn't do you any good if the only attractive girl is tied up with regulars for the entire evening.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – They've got a fairly even mix of black and white dancers, and I did see one Latina as well. You really don't have much choice of who to look at, though, when there's only one hot dancer in the building. As for size, it seemed to correlate with skin tone, so you're out of luck if you're looking for a larger white lady or a smaller black one.
Attitude of Dancers (5.5/10) – They're not going to be getting many customers who just stop in because they're passing by and think it looks like a nice place to check out. They know that everyone who stops here is a regular or at least a potential regular, so they treat customers accordingly. If they'd get rid of the strung out girls, this score would be higher, but everyone is really friendly and you should be able to have some decent conversation if that's what you're looking for.
Value (7.5/10) – You can't beat $2.25 beers and no cover during happy hour, and, even in the evening, $3.50 beers and a $5 cover are a bargain. You'll bore quickly if you're tring to be a spectator since the stage is empty for long stretches of time, but the $5 table dances are a popular way to stretch your cash, and most of the girls offer full lap dances for two-for-$25 or two-for-$30.
Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance area is a separate section of the club beside the dj booth, so the dj and anyone who is giving or receiving a dance can see what you're up to. Still, since most people stick to the table dances, the lack of dividers between the couches isn't a deal breaker.
Club Setup (1/10) – I rarely care about strip club restrooms, but the facilities at Camelot West are so bad that I'd be doing you a disservice to not mention them. There are two urinals in the room and the door doesn't lock, so it's clearly not meant to be a one-at-a-time deal, but there's a toilet in there with no stall or dividers whatsoever. I don't even know whether it would be more awkward dropping a deuce in front of a guy who's just trying to take a piss, or if it would be worse to be pissing in front of a guy who's laying some cable, but neither would be good. And if that's not enough, there's a makeshift peephole (or a glory hole for a micro-penis?) between the men's and women's bathrooms that's been plugged up with toilet paper. The worst part, though, is that the bathroom looks exactly how you expect it to look based on the rundown shithole that is Camelot West. If it were better maintained, the setup might not actually be that bad - there's a raised area near the front that helps everyone get a good view of the small octagonal stage and there's plenty of seating at either the long bar or the small tables that are scattered around the room - but it's better days had to have been several presidencies ago.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This place is a pure dive bar, so the crowd really can make the difference between it being a solid place to pound a few beers and it being a shithole where you wouldn't want to spend much time. Unfortunately, half the crowd seemed a little rough and the other half consisted of creepy old men in way-too-short basketball shorts. I can't fault their logic, because the basketball shorts in a strip club is to guys looking to buy sex what the rolled up right pant leg was to guys looking to buy drugs in the 90s, but have a little self respect and wear some proper clothes. Cargos or khaki shorts are acceptable on a hot day and offer similar access without the side effect of creeping out every girl in the place. Sure, it will require a little more work in telling the girls what you want, but that's a small price to pay to maintain your dignity.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – The club is in a strip mall on the west side of Lexingon. It's easy to get to an there's more than enough parking, but I didn't get the sense that this is the best part of town.
Overall – Camelot West is a run down piece of shit club where you really shouldn't plan to go if you're just looking for dances. If, on the other hand, you're looking or more than that, it might be worth keeping in mind since it's the safest bet for extra services in the Lexington area. Even then, I'd take my chances at one of the other clubs first, but you should be comforted to know that Camelot West is there if the other clubs have left you high and dry by the time that you're down to your last $100.
RAW SCORE = 38.5
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Deja Vu Lexington (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – The dances at Deja Vu are fairly mediocre. I like the short preview that you get when the girl dances on the small stage in the dance booth and the dancers do make contact with customers, but the dj constantly announces to "keep your hands inside the ride at all times." I assume that means that you aren't supposed to touch the dancers, but assuming that the dancers are the "rides," maybe I misinterpreted that. Either way, I didn't get the feeling that tit grabbing would be acceptable, though minimal lower body contact is fine.
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – Deja Vu has the biggest variation in quality of any of the local clubs. They had the two hottest dancers that I saw on my Lexington strip club tour, but they also had a lot of worn out and mediocre girls taking up space. Overall, the quality was decent but nothing to write home about.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – They have lots of dancers and a very nice dancer-to-customer ratio, but the limited number of really hot dancers prevents them from getting a overly high score here.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Most of the ladies at this place are thin and white, and the really hot ones that I saw were all brunettes. Even though they were less impressive, I was pleased to at least see one or two African Americans to break up the monotony.
Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – Most of the ladies at Deja Vu are all business. They aren't exactly rude, but if you don't get a dance right away, they probably aren't going to stick around for more than a few seconds. Plus, this was the first place that I've ever been asked if I'd like to buy a drink for a dancer while getting a lap dance. The blame for that obviously belongs with the waitress rather than with the dancers, but the result is nevertheless that you don't even momentarily forget that you're paying for these ladies' company.
Value (6.5/10) – The dances are an okay value at $20 each, the $12 cover is reasonable for an alcohol-free club with free sodas, and the nude stage action is above average, but the real value comes from the crazy specials that they have. Sometimes dances are $15, sometimes they're buy one get one free, sometimes you can get 2 girls at a time for the regular dance price, and sometimes they have something called "mystery dances." Even after getting one of them, I still have no idea what the fuck they are. Basically, they played some sort of achy breaky heart-ish country music and then announced a girl who was the mystery girl. The girl who was dancing for me was the mystery girl, so I think I was supposed to get a free porn DVD or something similarly pervish, but I didn't bother to tell the DJ that I was the winner though, so maybe I'm wrong about the prize. Either way, I was as confused as I've ever been while sober.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) – You'd think that the setup would be decent since you get your own booth, but the opening faces directly into the main area of the club so everyone can watch your dance. It was particularly bad during one of my dances when a table full of girls stared in my direction while laughing hysterically. I wish I'd know at the time that it was just a bachelorette party laughing at the bachelorette who was getting a dance in the booth beside me, because that dance was a very uncomfortable 3 minutes.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – The club reminded me of a smaller version of Deja Vu's Las Vegas location, but it was a little more run down than the other Deja Vu clubs that I've been to and it was uncomfortably hot. It's just one big room with a lot of small tables and rolly chairs, and there are a few tall tables in the back near the juice bar. Everyone does at least have a decent view of the three-polled stage in the front of the room, but only one girl was on it at a time while I was there while I was there on a Saturday night.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – The vibe is pretty solid for an alcohol-free club and the DJ does everything that he can to pump up the energy level. I don't usually enjoy a loud DJ and the weird jokey songs and mystery dances are a little over the top, but this guy is actually pretty good. As long as you manage to ignore the young jackasses that fill the place (this is the only strip club option in town for the under-21 crowd), it's easy to have a good time at Deja Vu.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Deja Vu is on the north side of Lexington and is very close to both Cowboys and Divas, and they have more than enough parking even when the club is hopping. The only real drawback is that the entrace is in direct view of the main road, but I didn't really care about that since I'm not from the area and am shameless. It might not be great for you, though, if you'd prefer to hide your strip club habit from anyone in Lexington.
Overall – Deja Vu Lexington is an okay club, but it's just not good enough in any individual aspect to overcome the lack of alcohol as far as I'm concerned. That might be different for you if you're under 21 or are working your way through the 12 step program, but, either way, Deja Vu is a decent but unspectacular option for seeing some naked ladies in Lexington.
RAW SCORE = 44
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – Deja Vu has the biggest variation in quality of any of the local clubs. They had the two hottest dancers that I saw on my Lexington strip club tour, but they also had a lot of worn out and mediocre girls taking up space. Overall, the quality was decent but nothing to write home about.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – They have lots of dancers and a very nice dancer-to-customer ratio, but the limited number of really hot dancers prevents them from getting a overly high score here.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Most of the ladies at this place are thin and white, and the really hot ones that I saw were all brunettes. Even though they were less impressive, I was pleased to at least see one or two African Americans to break up the monotony.
Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – Most of the ladies at Deja Vu are all business. They aren't exactly rude, but if you don't get a dance right away, they probably aren't going to stick around for more than a few seconds. Plus, this was the first place that I've ever been asked if I'd like to buy a drink for a dancer while getting a lap dance. The blame for that obviously belongs with the waitress rather than with the dancers, but the result is nevertheless that you don't even momentarily forget that you're paying for these ladies' company.
Value (6.5/10) – The dances are an okay value at $20 each, the $12 cover is reasonable for an alcohol-free club with free sodas, and the nude stage action is above average, but the real value comes from the crazy specials that they have. Sometimes dances are $15, sometimes they're buy one get one free, sometimes you can get 2 girls at a time for the regular dance price, and sometimes they have something called "mystery dances." Even after getting one of them, I still have no idea what the fuck they are. Basically, they played some sort of achy breaky heart-ish country music and then announced a girl who was the mystery girl. The girl who was dancing for me was the mystery girl, so I think I was supposed to get a free porn DVD or something similarly pervish, but I didn't bother to tell the DJ that I was the winner though, so maybe I'm wrong about the prize. Either way, I was as confused as I've ever been while sober.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) – You'd think that the setup would be decent since you get your own booth, but the opening faces directly into the main area of the club so everyone can watch your dance. It was particularly bad during one of my dances when a table full of girls stared in my direction while laughing hysterically. I wish I'd know at the time that it was just a bachelorette party laughing at the bachelorette who was getting a dance in the booth beside me, because that dance was a very uncomfortable 3 minutes.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – The club reminded me of a smaller version of Deja Vu's Las Vegas location, but it was a little more run down than the other Deja Vu clubs that I've been to and it was uncomfortably hot. It's just one big room with a lot of small tables and rolly chairs, and there are a few tall tables in the back near the juice bar. Everyone does at least have a decent view of the three-polled stage in the front of the room, but only one girl was on it at a time while I was there while I was there on a Saturday night.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – The vibe is pretty solid for an alcohol-free club and the DJ does everything that he can to pump up the energy level. I don't usually enjoy a loud DJ and the weird jokey songs and mystery dances are a little over the top, but this guy is actually pretty good. As long as you manage to ignore the young jackasses that fill the place (this is the only strip club option in town for the under-21 crowd), it's easy to have a good time at Deja Vu.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Deja Vu is on the north side of Lexington and is very close to both Cowboys and Divas, and they have more than enough parking even when the club is hopping. The only real drawback is that the entrace is in direct view of the main road, but I didn't really care about that since I'm not from the area and am shameless. It might not be great for you, though, if you'd prefer to hide your strip club habit from anyone in Lexington.
Overall – Deja Vu Lexington is an okay club, but it's just not good enough in any individual aspect to overcome the lack of alcohol as far as I'm concerned. That might be different for you if you're under 21 or are working your way through the 12 step program, but, either way, Deja Vu is a decent but unspectacular option for seeing some naked ladies in Lexington.
RAW SCORE = 44
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Cowboys (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (12/20) – The dances at Cowboys are among the best that you'll find in Lexington. Most of the girls give a solid grind and are active over the pants (and in a few cases, under the pants) with their hands. The over the pants vibrating mouth action is particularly popular and appreciated. Unfortunately, other than hands on the hips, the contact is one-way and the bottoms stay on. I usually stick with topless dances anyway, but it is nice at all the other Lexington clubs to have the option to upgrade if the mood strikes. On the plus side, even though lap dances are always my dance of choice, it's nice that they also offer moderate friction table dances that are just as useful if your real goal is to give the girl a tryout for the 15 minute VIP. Some of the girls offer to lend a helping hand in the VIP and a few might even do more than that, but the separate cameras pointed directly at each VIP booth will be enough to keep guys with anything to lose from trying to go too far.
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – They usually have a few 8s and 9s, but quality control is fairly low, with a sizeable percentage of the girls having some glaring weakness, such as a bad boob job, a jacked up face or just a generally tired and worn out appearance.
Number of Dancers (5/10) – The actual number of dancers isn't too bad with short stage sets and not too many repeats, but the fact that there are only a few truly hot ones combined with the fact that most if not all of those hot ones are perpetually tied up with regulars means that you're going to have to drop your standards or be very patient if you want a dance when it's busy. I was approached by a few worthy dance candidates by the end of my first beer during the day shift, but on a Saturday night, it was rare to be approached by any of the dozen-ish dancers who were on the floor, and it was even more rare to be approached by anyone who I'd rate as a 7 or above. Of course, things are much better if you're a regular, but, for the rest of us, the lack of quality dancers can be frustrating.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Most of these girls are either thin and white or very thin and white. Even though I did see a few black dancers, hair color was the only meaningful variation, because all of the women who were worth a look were Caucasian.
Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) – Some of the hottest dancers are all business, particularly when the club is busy, but these ladies are generally pretty friendly. I'm a particularly big fan of the way that a lot of them ask if you want company after you get a dance. It really puts the ball in your court in a way that isn't too aggressive while still giving the shy guys an opening to ask for what they want. They do try to use the lap dances to upsell to the VIP, but even that is low pressure, and a few girls suggested that I sample a few girls' table dances and lap dances before picking one for the VIP so that I'd be happy with my choice. That's always a good idea anyway, but I've never had dancers suggest it.
Value (6.5/10) – The cover is low, cans of beer are only $3.25 and you can't beat $5 table dances, so Cowboys isn't a bad place to go if you're trying to stretch a dollar. Lap dances are a little over priced at $20 each since they usually play very short songs, but at least you feel like you're getting something for your money. If you're looking to get a little more though, 15 minutes in the VIP area will run you $150.
Dance Setup (1.5/10) – Lap dances are given in a separate room off of a back corner of the club, so nobody in the regular part of the club can watch you while you're getting your dances. Unfortunately, there are no dividers in the room and it's very bright, so the DJ and anyone who's giving or receiving a dance can see you. I'm not factoring in the VIP dance setup for this score, but, in case you're curious, it's a row of large booths that are only visible to people walking to and from their own VIP dances. Well, them and whoever is monitoring the video feeds from the cameras that are right in front of and pointed at each booth.
Club Setup (3/10) – This place is a total dive. There's a decent bar at one side of the club and a small bar at the other side and there are four high tables, but most people just sit at the shitty small tables with rolly chairs. The club is small enough that no one is too far from the main stage or the tiny stage that's off to the one side (or the third stage that was unused while I was there), but the lack of seating at the stage means that guys line up to hand the girls tips, blocking everyone else's view in the process.
Club Atmosphere (4.5/10) – If you're looking for a gentlemen's club, go elsewhere, because Cowboys is a strip joint in the purest sense. Cans of beer? A slightly rough crowd? Country music? Check, check, check. Having said that, there are enough young bachelor partiers and crusty old men that you'd shouldn't feel too out of place no matter who you are.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – Cowboys is on the north side of town, but it's not far from downtown Lexington and is fairly close to a few other strip clubs. The location at the back of a strip mall is a little unusual, but there's plenty of parking and the entrance is discreet, so it's not bad.
Overall – Cowboys is very much a hybrid of the glamorous clubs like Platinum Plus and the gritty clubs like Divas. Whether its a best-of-both-worlds hybrid or a worst-of-both-worlds hybrid really depends on when you go. The relatively small number of quality dancers means that you never quite know what you'll get on any particular visit, but your chances of finding it at its best are inversely proportional to how busy the club is, so I'd try not to go on a weekend night if at all possible. If you hit it right (or if you're a regular, in which case you already know this), Cowboys is the only club in town where you can get above average dances from above average dancers. If you hit it wrong, though, it can be a frustrating experience. Overall, it's worth stopping by and having a beer while you scope it out, but you need to be willing to bail if necessary, because it will not improve as the night goes on.
RAW SCORE = 51
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – They usually have a few 8s and 9s, but quality control is fairly low, with a sizeable percentage of the girls having some glaring weakness, such as a bad boob job, a jacked up face or just a generally tired and worn out appearance.
Number of Dancers (5/10) – The actual number of dancers isn't too bad with short stage sets and not too many repeats, but the fact that there are only a few truly hot ones combined with the fact that most if not all of those hot ones are perpetually tied up with regulars means that you're going to have to drop your standards or be very patient if you want a dance when it's busy. I was approached by a few worthy dance candidates by the end of my first beer during the day shift, but on a Saturday night, it was rare to be approached by any of the dozen-ish dancers who were on the floor, and it was even more rare to be approached by anyone who I'd rate as a 7 or above. Of course, things are much better if you're a regular, but, for the rest of us, the lack of quality dancers can be frustrating.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Most of these girls are either thin and white or very thin and white. Even though I did see a few black dancers, hair color was the only meaningful variation, because all of the women who were worth a look were Caucasian.
Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) – Some of the hottest dancers are all business, particularly when the club is busy, but these ladies are generally pretty friendly. I'm a particularly big fan of the way that a lot of them ask if you want company after you get a dance. It really puts the ball in your court in a way that isn't too aggressive while still giving the shy guys an opening to ask for what they want. They do try to use the lap dances to upsell to the VIP, but even that is low pressure, and a few girls suggested that I sample a few girls' table dances and lap dances before picking one for the VIP so that I'd be happy with my choice. That's always a good idea anyway, but I've never had dancers suggest it.
Value (6.5/10) – The cover is low, cans of beer are only $3.25 and you can't beat $5 table dances, so Cowboys isn't a bad place to go if you're trying to stretch a dollar. Lap dances are a little over priced at $20 each since they usually play very short songs, but at least you feel like you're getting something for your money. If you're looking to get a little more though, 15 minutes in the VIP area will run you $150.
Dance Setup (1.5/10) – Lap dances are given in a separate room off of a back corner of the club, so nobody in the regular part of the club can watch you while you're getting your dances. Unfortunately, there are no dividers in the room and it's very bright, so the DJ and anyone who's giving or receiving a dance can see you. I'm not factoring in the VIP dance setup for this score, but, in case you're curious, it's a row of large booths that are only visible to people walking to and from their own VIP dances. Well, them and whoever is monitoring the video feeds from the cameras that are right in front of and pointed at each booth.
Club Setup (3/10) – This place is a total dive. There's a decent bar at one side of the club and a small bar at the other side and there are four high tables, but most people just sit at the shitty small tables with rolly chairs. The club is small enough that no one is too far from the main stage or the tiny stage that's off to the one side (or the third stage that was unused while I was there), but the lack of seating at the stage means that guys line up to hand the girls tips, blocking everyone else's view in the process.
Club Atmosphere (4.5/10) – If you're looking for a gentlemen's club, go elsewhere, because Cowboys is a strip joint in the purest sense. Cans of beer? A slightly rough crowd? Country music? Check, check, check. Having said that, there are enough young bachelor partiers and crusty old men that you'd shouldn't feel too out of place no matter who you are.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – Cowboys is on the north side of town, but it's not far from downtown Lexington and is fairly close to a few other strip clubs. The location at the back of a strip mall is a little unusual, but there's plenty of parking and the entrance is discreet, so it's not bad.
Overall – Cowboys is very much a hybrid of the glamorous clubs like Platinum Plus and the gritty clubs like Divas. Whether its a best-of-both-worlds hybrid or a worst-of-both-worlds hybrid really depends on when you go. The relatively small number of quality dancers means that you never quite know what you'll get on any particular visit, but your chances of finding it at its best are inversely proportional to how busy the club is, so I'd try not to go on a weekend night if at all possible. If you hit it right (or if you're a regular, in which case you already know this), Cowboys is the only club in town where you can get above average dances from above average dancers. If you hit it wrong, though, it can be a frustrating experience. Overall, it's worth stopping by and having a beer while you scope it out, but you need to be willing to bail if necessary, because it will not improve as the night goes on.
RAW SCORE = 51
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Club Onyx (Atlanta, GA)
Quality of Dances (4/20) – These are a little more variable, but, overall, the dances at Onyx are slightly worse than the useless ones that you'd get at the Pink Pony. Most of the girls alternate between 1 way contact and no contact at all, though some girls try to get a little creative and create a little bit of friction. One girl even attempted a trick where she put her leg behind her head while standing in front of me, but she lost her balance and fell over right into my lap. That was by far the most contact that I got at this place. A few of the girls offer to show you a much better time outside of the club, but I definitely wouldn't go in with the expectation that you'll get that level of service.
Quality of Dancers (9/10) – Good lord, these ladies are blazing. The top end might have be a notch below the top end at Magic City, but there are 9s everywhere and I haven't seen anyone below a 7. My only complaint is that there are more breast implants than I'm used to seeing at black clubs and more ass implants than I'm used to seeing anywhere.
Number of Dancers (8/10) – They have well over 50 dancers working on the weekends and there are almost always several girls lined up along the main stage in the center of the club. The ratio of girls to guys gets less impressive as the night goes on, but that's not a big deal at a place like this where watching the stage is much better than getting a table dance anyway. Still, if you want a girl to join you, you should never have to wait too long.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – This is a black club with black dancers, so you should go elsewhere if that doesn't do anything for you. The variety here comes almost exclusively from body types, with thick, think, muscular and jiggly dancers everywhere, and all of that variety is among high quality ladies. You might think that some of them are a little too large if you're a fan of the Pink Pony girls, but I don't think that anyone would consider these girls fat.
Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – The attitudes are about average at the start of the night, with a lot of girls being happy to sit and chat, but they steadily decline as the evening goes on and the number of wallets in the building increases. I've been asked to buy more drinks for dancers here than in all of the other Atlanta clubs combined, and many of them don't even seem appreciative if you do drop $10 for a pathetic looking cocktail in a tiny plastic cup. One girl asked me to buy her a blue motherfucker, and, from her tone, I honestly couldn't tell whether that was the name of the drink or if it was just called a "blue," and she was referring to me as "motherfucker." I didn't want to get involved in any drama in this place, so I said I'd get her when the waitress came by, but she said she wanted it immediately so she'd go to the bar to get it and I could give her the cash. I guess the fact that this is a service industry was lost on her.
Value (5/10) – The drink hustle is a pain in the ass, but everything else is standard for Atlanta, with a $10 cover, $10 table dances and $5 beers. The stage action isn't quite as good as at Magic City, but it's still very impressive and a good way to take in the sights without blowing through cash.
Dance Setup (0/10) – One girl moved me to a bench along the side wall when the club wasn't busy, but generally, you'll get your dance at your table or wherever you're standing. And if you're here on the weekend, you'll almost certainly be standing.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – Onyx is a fairly large club, particularly compared to what you expect when you see the front of the place because it's much deeper than it is wide. It's reasonably nice inside, but seating is seriously lacking, especially when the club is busy. There's a raised couch area off to the right side and a few tall tables near the stage, but you won't get a seat there on the weekend unless you're getting bottle service. You can at least stand at one of the two bars though, and the view of the stage is pretty decent from everywhere in the club. The stage itself is very long and narrow, allowing the ladies to line up side by side to give you several asses to watch at at time. The only really odd thing is that the ceilings are fairly low and unfinished, so the girls are up among the heating ducts when they climb the poles. You'll rarely be looking above their waists anyway though, so you might not even notice that.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – If you enjoy hearing the latest hip hop tracks at an eardrum rattling volume, you'll love this place. There's a good party vibe and the crowd doesn't seem to be too bad, but the security has been intense ever since a shooting a few years ago. Since I try to hit the bad clubs as well as the good ones, I've been patted down often. I've even been checked for a wire (speaking of which, Onyx's bathroom attendant sounds exactly like Clay Davis to the point where I'm sure I'd have given him a big tip to say "Sheeeeeeeeit" if I'd had a few more drinks). But I've never experienced security like this. An androgynous creature practically raped me at the entrance, first feeling my pockets, then moving my nuts to the side so it could check my taint for a gun. If that was a man, and there's about a 50% chance that it was, then I can no longer say that I've never had a gay experience. I admittedly did feel secure once I was inside the place, but I'd rather live dangerously than go through a security check like that.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – Onyx is easy to get to from most of downtown Atlanta, is practically walkable from Kamal's 21 and isn't too far from several other decent strip clubs. It's definitely possible to stop by for a short visit without feeling like you wasted too much time or money getting there.
Overall – This place is like a larger but slightly less classy version of Magic City. It's a nice place to see some of the most beautiful black women in the world, just don't expect quality dances or a relaxing atmosphere, because you won't find either here. I'll stop by occasionally since it's on the way to better clubs, but it will never be my primary destination for a night out in Atlanta.
RAW SCORE = 43
Quality of Dancers (9/10) – Good lord, these ladies are blazing. The top end might have be a notch below the top end at Magic City, but there are 9s everywhere and I haven't seen anyone below a 7. My only complaint is that there are more breast implants than I'm used to seeing at black clubs and more ass implants than I'm used to seeing anywhere.
Number of Dancers (8/10) – They have well over 50 dancers working on the weekends and there are almost always several girls lined up along the main stage in the center of the club. The ratio of girls to guys gets less impressive as the night goes on, but that's not a big deal at a place like this where watching the stage is much better than getting a table dance anyway. Still, if you want a girl to join you, you should never have to wait too long.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – This is a black club with black dancers, so you should go elsewhere if that doesn't do anything for you. The variety here comes almost exclusively from body types, with thick, think, muscular and jiggly dancers everywhere, and all of that variety is among high quality ladies. You might think that some of them are a little too large if you're a fan of the Pink Pony girls, but I don't think that anyone would consider these girls fat.
Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – The attitudes are about average at the start of the night, with a lot of girls being happy to sit and chat, but they steadily decline as the evening goes on and the number of wallets in the building increases. I've been asked to buy more drinks for dancers here than in all of the other Atlanta clubs combined, and many of them don't even seem appreciative if you do drop $10 for a pathetic looking cocktail in a tiny plastic cup. One girl asked me to buy her a blue motherfucker, and, from her tone, I honestly couldn't tell whether that was the name of the drink or if it was just called a "blue," and she was referring to me as "motherfucker." I didn't want to get involved in any drama in this place, so I said I'd get her when the waitress came by, but she said she wanted it immediately so she'd go to the bar to get it and I could give her the cash. I guess the fact that this is a service industry was lost on her.
Value (5/10) – The drink hustle is a pain in the ass, but everything else is standard for Atlanta, with a $10 cover, $10 table dances and $5 beers. The stage action isn't quite as good as at Magic City, but it's still very impressive and a good way to take in the sights without blowing through cash.
Dance Setup (0/10) – One girl moved me to a bench along the side wall when the club wasn't busy, but generally, you'll get your dance at your table or wherever you're standing. And if you're here on the weekend, you'll almost certainly be standing.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – Onyx is a fairly large club, particularly compared to what you expect when you see the front of the place because it's much deeper than it is wide. It's reasonably nice inside, but seating is seriously lacking, especially when the club is busy. There's a raised couch area off to the right side and a few tall tables near the stage, but you won't get a seat there on the weekend unless you're getting bottle service. You can at least stand at one of the two bars though, and the view of the stage is pretty decent from everywhere in the club. The stage itself is very long and narrow, allowing the ladies to line up side by side to give you several asses to watch at at time. The only really odd thing is that the ceilings are fairly low and unfinished, so the girls are up among the heating ducts when they climb the poles. You'll rarely be looking above their waists anyway though, so you might not even notice that.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – If you enjoy hearing the latest hip hop tracks at an eardrum rattling volume, you'll love this place. There's a good party vibe and the crowd doesn't seem to be too bad, but the security has been intense ever since a shooting a few years ago. Since I try to hit the bad clubs as well as the good ones, I've been patted down often. I've even been checked for a wire (speaking of which, Onyx's bathroom attendant sounds exactly like Clay Davis to the point where I'm sure I'd have given him a big tip to say "Sheeeeeeeeit" if I'd had a few more drinks). But I've never experienced security like this. An androgynous creature practically raped me at the entrance, first feeling my pockets, then moving my nuts to the side so it could check my taint for a gun. If that was a man, and there's about a 50% chance that it was, then I can no longer say that I've never had a gay experience. I admittedly did feel secure once I was inside the place, but I'd rather live dangerously than go through a security check like that.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – Onyx is easy to get to from most of downtown Atlanta, is practically walkable from Kamal's 21 and isn't too far from several other decent strip clubs. It's definitely possible to stop by for a short visit without feeling like you wasted too much time or money getting there.
Overall – This place is like a larger but slightly less classy version of Magic City. It's a nice place to see some of the most beautiful black women in the world, just don't expect quality dances or a relaxing atmosphere, because you won't find either here. I'll stop by occasionally since it's on the way to better clubs, but it will never be my primary destination for a night out in Atlanta.
RAW SCORE = 43
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Goldrush Showbar (Atlanta, GA)
Quality of Dances (6/20) – Like pretty much everywhere else in Atlanta, you'll just be getting table dances unless you drop some significant cash for the VIP area. There's no 2-way contact other than hands on the hips and there's no grinding, but the girls do create a little friction and some of them occasionally graze your crotch with their hands. The girls said that at least moderate 2-way contact would be allowed in the VIP, but I've never been approached by a girl worth spending a half hour with, so I can't confirm that.
Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – There's the occasional stunner, but the majority of these girls are fairly mediocre. For the most part, they're either cute but not hot, or they're hot but a little worn out. It's still not hard to find a girl worth spending $10 on for a table dance, but just know that these girls are a significant step down in quality from what you'd find at a half dozen or more other Atlanta clubs.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – They've always had plenty of girls working when I've been there, whether it's been early or late. Even when it's busy, you'll be approached by a different lady every few minutes, and there are almost always several ladies dancing at a time. You'll obviously have less competition for the few really hot dancers if you come early though.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – Goldrush has a fairly good mix of black and white dancers, and certainly has more black dancers than most of the other non-exclusively-black Atlanta clubs. Their black dancers can't compete with what you'd find at Magic City or Onyx, but it's still nice to have a little variety thrown in to keep things interesting.
Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – The regulars seem to get plenty of love, but as a first-time and second-time visitor, I just got an endless loop of "wannadance?" throughout the night. Stripping is a business, but these ladies make very little effort to try to hide that fact. Some, but not all, of them are friendly once you spend some cash, but why bother spending cash to get to that point with a girl who isn't friendly? Especially at a place like this, where they're not even particularly attractive.
Value (6/10) – You get in free with a sports ticket stub and the security guy at the door has given me a free entry pass, but otherwise, things are standard for Atlanta. The normal cover is $10, beers are $5, the slightly above average table dances are $10 and there's a bathroom attendent looking for a tip. I don't know anyone who likes those guys. It's not that I mind giving a guy a dollar to do things that I'd rather do myself so much as I just hate feeling like I'm being monitored while I'm taking a piss. For whatever reason, though, every club in Atlanta has one. As for the stage action, it's nude, but you won't get any contact up there and the show is about as boring as watching a naked woman can be.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Table dances should be used as a way to get a cheap preview of a girl before spending $20-30 dollars per song on lap dances, but that isn't how it works in this city. You can spend well over $100 for a half hour of private dancing or $10 for a table dance right out in the open on whatever shitty chair or stool you happen to be sitting on, but the lap dance middle option that's always my bread and butter doesn't exist. Pretty much every Atlanta club is getting a zero for this category, so don't let it keep you away from this particular club, but just know that it sucks.
Club Setup (4/10) – This is a reasonably large club with a long, narrow main stage similar to what they have at the Pink Pony, and the tops of the two large, square bars double as stages as well. They have 3 pool tables in back and plenty of seating. Even though the tables and chairs are fairly shitty and the whole place seems a little run down, I'm just happy to have somewhere to sit for my table dances on a Saturday night, since that's relatively rare at the popular Atlanta clubs.
Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – Goldrush has a good neighborhood feel to it and is an enjoyable place to stop for a drink or two, but it's not the type of place that I'd want to spend an entire night out or host a bachelor party. Though, on the occasion of my first visit, someone was hosting an epic bash, with an Egyptian theme inside and a live camel in the parking lot. My group had to bail by the seventh time that we heard "Walk Like an Egyptian," but everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – Goldrush is fairly close to the airport, but it isn't particularly close to anything else, least of all the other decent strip clubs. They have plenty of parking, so it's not a bad place to drive to, but it's really tough to justify the trip if you're relying on taxis.
Overall – Goldrush Showbar is an okay club that seems like it has potential to be pretty good if you're willing to invest the time and money to become a regular. Unfortunately, it's just not good enough to make up for the inconvenient location for an infrequent visitor, so I won't be back.
RAW SCORE = 43.5
Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – There's the occasional stunner, but the majority of these girls are fairly mediocre. For the most part, they're either cute but not hot, or they're hot but a little worn out. It's still not hard to find a girl worth spending $10 on for a table dance, but just know that these girls are a significant step down in quality from what you'd find at a half dozen or more other Atlanta clubs.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – They've always had plenty of girls working when I've been there, whether it's been early or late. Even when it's busy, you'll be approached by a different lady every few minutes, and there are almost always several ladies dancing at a time. You'll obviously have less competition for the few really hot dancers if you come early though.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – Goldrush has a fairly good mix of black and white dancers, and certainly has more black dancers than most of the other non-exclusively-black Atlanta clubs. Their black dancers can't compete with what you'd find at Magic City or Onyx, but it's still nice to have a little variety thrown in to keep things interesting.
Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – The regulars seem to get plenty of love, but as a first-time and second-time visitor, I just got an endless loop of "wannadance?" throughout the night. Stripping is a business, but these ladies make very little effort to try to hide that fact. Some, but not all, of them are friendly once you spend some cash, but why bother spending cash to get to that point with a girl who isn't friendly? Especially at a place like this, where they're not even particularly attractive.
Value (6/10) – You get in free with a sports ticket stub and the security guy at the door has given me a free entry pass, but otherwise, things are standard for Atlanta. The normal cover is $10, beers are $5, the slightly above average table dances are $10 and there's a bathroom attendent looking for a tip. I don't know anyone who likes those guys. It's not that I mind giving a guy a dollar to do things that I'd rather do myself so much as I just hate feeling like I'm being monitored while I'm taking a piss. For whatever reason, though, every club in Atlanta has one. As for the stage action, it's nude, but you won't get any contact up there and the show is about as boring as watching a naked woman can be.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Table dances should be used as a way to get a cheap preview of a girl before spending $20-30 dollars per song on lap dances, but that isn't how it works in this city. You can spend well over $100 for a half hour of private dancing or $10 for a table dance right out in the open on whatever shitty chair or stool you happen to be sitting on, but the lap dance middle option that's always my bread and butter doesn't exist. Pretty much every Atlanta club is getting a zero for this category, so don't let it keep you away from this particular club, but just know that it sucks.
Club Setup (4/10) – This is a reasonably large club with a long, narrow main stage similar to what they have at the Pink Pony, and the tops of the two large, square bars double as stages as well. They have 3 pool tables in back and plenty of seating. Even though the tables and chairs are fairly shitty and the whole place seems a little run down, I'm just happy to have somewhere to sit for my table dances on a Saturday night, since that's relatively rare at the popular Atlanta clubs.
Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – Goldrush has a good neighborhood feel to it and is an enjoyable place to stop for a drink or two, but it's not the type of place that I'd want to spend an entire night out or host a bachelor party. Though, on the occasion of my first visit, someone was hosting an epic bash, with an Egyptian theme inside and a live camel in the parking lot. My group had to bail by the seventh time that we heard "Walk Like an Egyptian," but everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – Goldrush is fairly close to the airport, but it isn't particularly close to anything else, least of all the other decent strip clubs. They have plenty of parking, so it's not a bad place to drive to, but it's really tough to justify the trip if you're relying on taxis.
Overall – Goldrush Showbar is an okay club that seems like it has potential to be pretty good if you're willing to invest the time and money to become a regular. Unfortunately, it's just not good enough to make up for the inconvenient location for an infrequent visitor, so I won't be back.
RAW SCORE = 43.5
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Spearmint Rhino (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (9/20) For my first dance at the Rhino, I walked into the booth with a dancer about 15 seconds after a song started, and she immediately started giving an airdance. I was crushed. I've gotten very solid dances at their Vegas location and I've gotten very solid dances elsewhere in Lexington, so I just couldn't understand how things could be so bad here. Well, that's because they aren't that bad. When the song ended, the girl saddled up on my lap and announced that she was going to start the dance. I wish I'd known in advance that the almost full song of air dancing was just a free preview so that I could have enjoyed it instead of sitting there pissed off thinking that I'd just wasted $30, but the gesture was nevertheless appreciated.
The actual dances are decent, with everyone providing a light grind and allowing varying levels of 2-way contact. Breast touching is rarely encouraged though usually tolerated, but hands on the hips and legs isn't a problem at all. My only real complaint is that the girls seem to spend as much time touching themselves as they do touching customers. I know that preferences vary on that, but I prefer to get my visual stimulation on the floor and keep the dances focused on the physical. If they insist on giving the gynecological tour though, they should at least try not to get too creative with it. Several of these ladies did a move where they pretend to shove an imaginary dildo into themselves, but it really looks more like they're jerking off their imaginary tranny dicks. Not sexy to say the least.
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) As long as you don't try to compare these ladies to the ones who dance at the Rhino's Vegas location, you should be satisfied. There must be something about their corporate culture that encourages girls to get implants, but that's my only major complaint. In general, these ladies are young, hot and in good shape.
Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were a few dozen women working the night that I was there, and even though too many of them hang out in the dressing room when it's not busy, it's nice to have a steady rotation of girls on the stage with no repeats for well over an hour. The club makes all of the ladies line up and file through the club whenever they do the 2-for-1s, so it is an impressive sight when they're all visible at the same time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – If you like thin blond white girls, you're in luck. If you like thin brunette white girls, you shouldn't have any major complaints. If you like anything else, you might want to consider hitting a different club.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Most of the girls at the Rhino are fairly friendly and are happy to sit and chat as long as the club isn't too busy. I did get a little push for the VIP from some of the girls, but it wasn't over the top and didn't really detract from my enjoyment.
Value (5.5/10) – The $5 cover and $3.75 beers are both very reasonable, particularly compared to the Rhino's prices in Las Vegas. Less impressive is the expectation that you'll buy drinks for dancers, which is pretty much always the worst return on investment that you can get. If the girl asks, I at least assume that she wants something, but waitresses asking if I want to buy a dancer a drink is the worst, and that's what happens constantly here. The $30 topless dances are a little over priced, but if you wait for the impressive 2-for-1 lineup, your money will go much further. I'm not sure if it's on any set schedule, but you know that it's coming when the DJ announces for all dancers to report to the dressing room. The stage action isn't terribly intimate, but the pole action is good and you can see that just fine without having to sit and tip at the stage.
Dance Setup (6/10) – The lap dance area is relatively private since it's a separate area of booths at the back of the club. Just the right side of the booth is open, so no one can see you unless they're walking to or from their own dances. Unfortunately, a floater checks up on you to make sure that you aren't getting too wild and the couches are fairly uncomfortable, but this is still a little better than the average lap dance setup.
Club Setup (8/10) – This is a very nice, classy club. It's not overwhelmingly large, especially compared to their Vegas location, but it's very well laid out. The ceilings are high and the seating is in tiers so that everyone has a good view of the main stage, and that also allows most customers to have their backs to a wall. That's a very nice touch that allows the club to feel intimate, plus it allows for a little privacy for those times when you don't want to be on full display. If you're sitting far from the main stage and want a closer look at the girls, they'll occassionally go up on the four satellite stages that are spread throughout the club. The bar isn't in a great location in the far back corner of the club, but there are plenty of four person tables and a counter type of area overlooking the stage, so there're usually plenty of good places to sit.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Spearmint Rhino is a little classier than the Platinum Plus and doesn't seem to be quite as good for a night of drunken shenanigans, but it's still a lot of fun for groups of all sizes and would be solid for a quick solo beer. I've gotten used to the non-smoking clubs in the north, so the smoke bothered me a little at first, but it's not too bad as long as you don't have to explain your smokiness to anyone.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – The Rhino is further from downtown Lexington than any of the other Lexington clubs, but the fact that you could stand at the front door of the club and hit any one of a half dozen hotels will a baseball does a lot to make up for that.
Overall – The Lexington Spearmint Rhino is a very nice club that's deserving of a visit if you're in the area. It's not quite as good as the Platinum Plus, but it's easily the second best option among the relatively classy Lexington clubs.
RAW SCORE = 58.5
The actual dances are decent, with everyone providing a light grind and allowing varying levels of 2-way contact. Breast touching is rarely encouraged though usually tolerated, but hands on the hips and legs isn't a problem at all. My only real complaint is that the girls seem to spend as much time touching themselves as they do touching customers. I know that preferences vary on that, but I prefer to get my visual stimulation on the floor and keep the dances focused on the physical. If they insist on giving the gynecological tour though, they should at least try not to get too creative with it. Several of these ladies did a move where they pretend to shove an imaginary dildo into themselves, but it really looks more like they're jerking off their imaginary tranny dicks. Not sexy to say the least.
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) As long as you don't try to compare these ladies to the ones who dance at the Rhino's Vegas location, you should be satisfied. There must be something about their corporate culture that encourages girls to get implants, but that's my only major complaint. In general, these ladies are young, hot and in good shape.
Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were a few dozen women working the night that I was there, and even though too many of them hang out in the dressing room when it's not busy, it's nice to have a steady rotation of girls on the stage with no repeats for well over an hour. The club makes all of the ladies line up and file through the club whenever they do the 2-for-1s, so it is an impressive sight when they're all visible at the same time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – If you like thin blond white girls, you're in luck. If you like thin brunette white girls, you shouldn't have any major complaints. If you like anything else, you might want to consider hitting a different club.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Most of the girls at the Rhino are fairly friendly and are happy to sit and chat as long as the club isn't too busy. I did get a little push for the VIP from some of the girls, but it wasn't over the top and didn't really detract from my enjoyment.
Value (5.5/10) – The $5 cover and $3.75 beers are both very reasonable, particularly compared to the Rhino's prices in Las Vegas. Less impressive is the expectation that you'll buy drinks for dancers, which is pretty much always the worst return on investment that you can get. If the girl asks, I at least assume that she wants something, but waitresses asking if I want to buy a dancer a drink is the worst, and that's what happens constantly here. The $30 topless dances are a little over priced, but if you wait for the impressive 2-for-1 lineup, your money will go much further. I'm not sure if it's on any set schedule, but you know that it's coming when the DJ announces for all dancers to report to the dressing room. The stage action isn't terribly intimate, but the pole action is good and you can see that just fine without having to sit and tip at the stage.
Dance Setup (6/10) – The lap dance area is relatively private since it's a separate area of booths at the back of the club. Just the right side of the booth is open, so no one can see you unless they're walking to or from their own dances. Unfortunately, a floater checks up on you to make sure that you aren't getting too wild and the couches are fairly uncomfortable, but this is still a little better than the average lap dance setup.
Club Setup (8/10) – This is a very nice, classy club. It's not overwhelmingly large, especially compared to their Vegas location, but it's very well laid out. The ceilings are high and the seating is in tiers so that everyone has a good view of the main stage, and that also allows most customers to have their backs to a wall. That's a very nice touch that allows the club to feel intimate, plus it allows for a little privacy for those times when you don't want to be on full display. If you're sitting far from the main stage and want a closer look at the girls, they'll occassionally go up on the four satellite stages that are spread throughout the club. The bar isn't in a great location in the far back corner of the club, but there are plenty of four person tables and a counter type of area overlooking the stage, so there're usually plenty of good places to sit.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Spearmint Rhino is a little classier than the Platinum Plus and doesn't seem to be quite as good for a night of drunken shenanigans, but it's still a lot of fun for groups of all sizes and would be solid for a quick solo beer. I've gotten used to the non-smoking clubs in the north, so the smoke bothered me a little at first, but it's not too bad as long as you don't have to explain your smokiness to anyone.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – The Rhino is further from downtown Lexington than any of the other Lexington clubs, but the fact that you could stand at the front door of the club and hit any one of a half dozen hotels will a baseball does a lot to make up for that.
Overall – The Lexington Spearmint Rhino is a very nice club that's deserving of a visit if you're in the area. It's not quite as good as the Platinum Plus, but it's easily the second best option among the relatively classy Lexington clubs.
RAW SCORE = 58.5
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Strokers Club (Clarkston, GA)
Quality of Dances (8.5/20) – There's strictly one-way contact, but these are still some of the best table dances that you'll find at a non-dive bar in Atlanta. Most of the girls alternate between grinding, friction and air, and you'll get the occasional tits in the face. They almost feel like full fledged lap dances, so you really can't complain for $10 each. It's just unfortunate that there's no VIP room at Strokers, because these are the type of table dances that whet your appetite for something a little more aggressive.
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have a few blazing dancers and lots of girls in the 7-8 range, but quality control is fairly low, with several 5s and 6s working the night that I was there. Some of the girls were too thin and some had saggy tits, but a room full of hypnotizing asses did a lot to help me overlook the less attractive ladies.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – They have plenty of ladies at Strokers. There were a few dozen working late on a Saturday night, and even though the club was packed with guys, there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Almost every lady is this place is black and in her 20's. There's a good bit of variation of body types, but I can't give them many points here because every hot girl had a very similar look - dark skin and in good shape, but a little thicker than you'd see at a club like the Pink Pony.
Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – Strokers is a nationally famous club, but it still very much has a neighborhood feel to it, and the girls treat you accordingly. Everyone that I talked to was happy to sit and chat, and they were all very friendly to talk to, whether or not I accepted their offers for dances.
Value (8/10) – The address says Clarkston, but this is an Atlanta club, so you shouldn't be surprised to learn that there's a $10 cover, $5 beers, $10 table dances and a bathroom attendant who's looking for a tip. If you've never been to the area, those are the exact same prices that you'll find at 90% of the clubs. What you won't find at 90% (or even 20%) of the clubs are table dances that resemble lap dances, and that's what makes Strokers such a bargain. The stage action isn't anything too fancy, but the view does make this an ass man's paradise. And, since you won't be sitting at the stage anyway, it's a free show.
Dance Setup (0/10) – The dance setup for table dances is a zero by default, and Strokers doesn't do anything to make me deviate from that. On a weekend night, you'll be lucky to even get a seat unless you're getting bottle service, but, if you do, you'll be right out in the open under the bright lights. If not, you'll be standing. It's hard to image a worse dance setup than this.
Club Setup (2.5/10) – The size is sufficient for the large crowds that are drawn to Strokers, but that and the awesome rotating stage with 3 poles are the only really good things about the place. There are a bunch of pool tables on one side of the room, a long but insufficient bar in the back and several tables and seats that are reserved for VIPs and bottle service on weekend evenings. If you can't and/or aren't willing to get one of those seats, you're going to have to stand, and there's really nowhere great to do that. It's way too bright too, which just makes the standing situation even more awkward. I found that my best chance of getting a seat was to ask the girls if there was somewhere that we could sit for a dance, and that strategy worked to get me a seat in the area in the back corner near a shitty, tiny stage and the secondary bar. I'm not complaining though about that seat though - if you're at Strokers when it's busy, you'll be happy with any seat that you manage to get.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a bit of a neighborhood vibe and can be kind of fun, but the intense security pat down at the door and the security guy inside who bitches at people for standing in the wrong place really detracted from the atmosphere. The cops who were searching for someone in the parking lot as I left just sealed the deal for me. The music is good, though, if you're into rap, and it's not so overwhelmingly loud as to prevent conversations.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – It cost me $40 to cab all the way out to Clarkston to get to Strokers from downtown Atlanta, and I'm fairly certain that the taxi driver cut me a solid deal to even get it for that price. If you're at Oasis and want to try something a little more exotic, Strokers isn't terribly far, but it really isn't close to much else. Since it's in a strip mall, there is at least plenty of parking.
Overall – Strokers isn't quite as good as its reputation would lead you to believe, but it's still a very solid club if you're looking for attractive black dancers and bargain table dances. I'd go to Magic City or Onyx if you're looking for the hottest black dancers or Kamal's 21 if you're looking to get to a neighborhood-style black club without traveling too far, but Strokers does have the best table dances of any of the black clubs in Atlanta. I doubt that I'll be back because it's just not better than the other clubs by a wide enough margin to overcome the inconvenience factor, but if you find yourself in the area or have plenty of time to spare, then, by all means, stop on by.
RAW SCORE = 46
Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have a few blazing dancers and lots of girls in the 7-8 range, but quality control is fairly low, with several 5s and 6s working the night that I was there. Some of the girls were too thin and some had saggy tits, but a room full of hypnotizing asses did a lot to help me overlook the less attractive ladies.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – They have plenty of ladies at Strokers. There were a few dozen working late on a Saturday night, and even though the club was packed with guys, there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Almost every lady is this place is black and in her 20's. There's a good bit of variation of body types, but I can't give them many points here because every hot girl had a very similar look - dark skin and in good shape, but a little thicker than you'd see at a club like the Pink Pony.
Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – Strokers is a nationally famous club, but it still very much has a neighborhood feel to it, and the girls treat you accordingly. Everyone that I talked to was happy to sit and chat, and they were all very friendly to talk to, whether or not I accepted their offers for dances.
Value (8/10) – The address says Clarkston, but this is an Atlanta club, so you shouldn't be surprised to learn that there's a $10 cover, $5 beers, $10 table dances and a bathroom attendant who's looking for a tip. If you've never been to the area, those are the exact same prices that you'll find at 90% of the clubs. What you won't find at 90% (or even 20%) of the clubs are table dances that resemble lap dances, and that's what makes Strokers such a bargain. The stage action isn't anything too fancy, but the view does make this an ass man's paradise. And, since you won't be sitting at the stage anyway, it's a free show.
Dance Setup (0/10) – The dance setup for table dances is a zero by default, and Strokers doesn't do anything to make me deviate from that. On a weekend night, you'll be lucky to even get a seat unless you're getting bottle service, but, if you do, you'll be right out in the open under the bright lights. If not, you'll be standing. It's hard to image a worse dance setup than this.
Club Setup (2.5/10) – The size is sufficient for the large crowds that are drawn to Strokers, but that and the awesome rotating stage with 3 poles are the only really good things about the place. There are a bunch of pool tables on one side of the room, a long but insufficient bar in the back and several tables and seats that are reserved for VIPs and bottle service on weekend evenings. If you can't and/or aren't willing to get one of those seats, you're going to have to stand, and there's really nowhere great to do that. It's way too bright too, which just makes the standing situation even more awkward. I found that my best chance of getting a seat was to ask the girls if there was somewhere that we could sit for a dance, and that strategy worked to get me a seat in the area in the back corner near a shitty, tiny stage and the secondary bar. I'm not complaining though about that seat though - if you're at Strokers when it's busy, you'll be happy with any seat that you manage to get.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a bit of a neighborhood vibe and can be kind of fun, but the intense security pat down at the door and the security guy inside who bitches at people for standing in the wrong place really detracted from the atmosphere. The cops who were searching for someone in the parking lot as I left just sealed the deal for me. The music is good, though, if you're into rap, and it's not so overwhelmingly loud as to prevent conversations.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – It cost me $40 to cab all the way out to Clarkston to get to Strokers from downtown Atlanta, and I'm fairly certain that the taxi driver cut me a solid deal to even get it for that price. If you're at Oasis and want to try something a little more exotic, Strokers isn't terribly far, but it really isn't close to much else. Since it's in a strip mall, there is at least plenty of parking.
Overall – Strokers isn't quite as good as its reputation would lead you to believe, but it's still a very solid club if you're looking for attractive black dancers and bargain table dances. I'd go to Magic City or Onyx if you're looking for the hottest black dancers or Kamal's 21 if you're looking to get to a neighborhood-style black club without traveling too far, but Strokers does have the best table dances of any of the black clubs in Atlanta. I doubt that I'll be back because it's just not better than the other clubs by a wide enough margin to overcome the inconvenience factor, but if you find yourself in the area or have plenty of time to spare, then, by all means, stop on by.
RAW SCORE = 46
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Camelot East (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (8/20) – The dances at Camelot East as mediocre as can be. The girls all provide some slow, sensual friction, but there isn't much grinding and two way contact is rarely encouraged. Several girls promise that much more fun can be had in the VIP room, but I need to see a little more out of the girls during the regular dances before I consider dropping that kind of cash, so I can't confirm that.
Quality of Dancers (6/10) – Just like the dances, the dancers at this place are pretty run-of-the-mill. I saw two beauties, but most of the girls were 6s and 7s, and a few would rate a little below that. They do have decent quality control, though, because I didn't see anyone who was terribly unattractive.
Number of Dancers (5.5/10) – They had over a dozen women working during my lone Saturday evening visit, which was at least one dancer for every customer. Unfortunately, half of them barely peaked their heads out of the dressing room and the other half barely circulated, so it took way too long to get anyone's attention to get a dance.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Like a lot of the other Lexington clubs, this place has mostly white dancers with a few token black girls. A few hot redheads and a few slightly thicker (though still far from thick) girls were enough to keep things interesting for my hour and a half long visit, but I'd have definitely gotten bored by these ladies if I'd stayed for an entire evening.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – I saw a few strung-out girls, but most of them are fairly friendly once you get a chance to talk to them. The real problem, though, is that it's next to impossible to get any of them to talk to you if you aren't a regular.
Value (5/10) – The good news is that the cover is only $5, the $5 table dances are a bargain and you can get beers for just $3.75. The bad news is that the dances are overpriced at $25 for the topless version or $40 for fully nude and the stage action is fairly weak, with entire songs frequently playing to an empty stage. If you want to upgrade to private dances, that will run you $100 for 15 minutes or $50 plus whatever you negotiate with the dancer for a half hour.
Dance Setup (2/10) – Dances are given on relatively comfortable couches in a separate raised area near the entrance of the club. No one from the main part of the club can see you, but there's no privacy within the dance room. That means that anyone else who is back there can see as much as they want, so it's pretty bad if other guys are getting dances at the same time.
Club Setup (2.5/10) – Camelot East really makes an effort to pull off the classy look but somehow falls short of that and just ends up being sterile. That's a big step up from their other location, which leaves you feeling like you need to be sterilized, but I hate the long white tablecloth look at an otherwise mediocre club. The tables themselves are only big enough for two people and all of the seats are lined up to face the medium sized stage in the center of the room. The tables at least break up the rows of chairs enough to prevent it from feeling too much like a theater, but I'd much rather avoid them and sit at the bench along the right side wall or the small but nice bar near the entrance. The one place I really don't want to be sitting, though, is on their stall-less shitter. I guess they're just trying to prevent guys from going in there and beating off, but having to worry about that kind of undermines their attempts at classiness.
Club Atmosphere (2/10) – The setup prevents this place from working for large groups and the sterility prevents it from being ideal for a quick beer after work, so I'm really not sure who it's supposed to appeal to. It seems safe enough, but I was itching to leave by the end of my first beer and generally wouldn't want to hang out there for an extended period of time.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – I've seen strip clubs in strip malls before, but this is the first time that I've ever seen one that shares a strip mall with a church. I don't know which was there first, but I'm impressed that they can coexist. You don't need to worry about anyone seeing you go into the club though, because Camelot East's entrance is at the back of the building. The club is a few miles from downtown, but they have plenty of parking and there's a bus stop right across the street.
Overall – That's like a 40-degree day. Ain't nobody got nothing to say about a 40-degree day. Fifty. Bring a smile to your face. Sixty, shit, niggas is damn near barbecuing on that motherfucker. Go down to 20, niggas get their bitch on. Get their blood complaining. But forty? Nobody give a fuck about 40. Nobody remember 40, and y'all niggas is giving me way too many 40-degree days! What the fuck? ~ Stringer Bell (The Wire)
Camelot East is the 40-degree day of strip clubs. Not good enough to warrant a visit or bad enough to be memorable. Just average or slightly below across the board.
RAW SCORE = 41
Call to Action
All,
See this post from Rocket, one of my favorite writers/performers of all time, regarding XoticSpot's hottest dancer of the summer contest. You can vote for her by going here and clicking at the link at the top of the page. You need an XoticSpot account, but you should already have one anyway (it's free), so I don't feel like I'm creating any extra work for you.
The list of reasons why you should vote for Rocket includes, but is not limited to, the following:
1) She's so beautiful that she could be an air hostess in the 60's.
2) She plans to donate a portion of her winnings to SWAAY. Although this blog wasn't started with any sort of political agenda (I really just needed an excuse to justify my degenerate behavior), I feel very strongly that the way sex workers are perceived and treated in America is disgusting and I support any efforts to correct that problem.
3) Because I said so.
I think that's it. I'm going to Iceland for a few days next week. Sadly, the word on the street is that they've banned strip clubs. World's most feminist country, my ass.
See this post from Rocket, one of my favorite writers/performers of all time, regarding XoticSpot's hottest dancer of the summer contest. You can vote for her by going here and clicking at the link at the top of the page. You need an XoticSpot account, but you should already have one anyway (it's free), so I don't feel like I'm creating any extra work for you.
The list of reasons why you should vote for Rocket includes, but is not limited to, the following:
1) She's so beautiful that she could be an air hostess in the 60's.
2) She plans to donate a portion of her winnings to SWAAY. Although this blog wasn't started with any sort of political agenda (I really just needed an excuse to justify my degenerate behavior), I feel very strongly that the way sex workers are perceived and treated in America is disgusting and I support any efforts to correct that problem.
3) Because I said so.
I think that's it. I'm going to Iceland for a few days next week. Sadly, the word on the street is that they've banned strip clubs. World's most feminist country, my ass.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Platinum Plus Lexington (Lexington, KY)
Quality of Dances (8.5/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next, with some girls offering full two-way contact and other girls only providing a soft rub without allowing much touching. Most of the ladies do at least provide a slow but solid grind and allow hands on the hips, so the dances end up being reasonably enjoyable as long as your expectations aren't too high. Just know that if you're expecting the type of contact that you'd get at their Columbia, SC location, your expectations are too high. he only advantage here is that you have the option of upgrading to a nude dance if you're willing to spend an extra $10.
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – There weren't any 9s or 10s during my visits, but they had 7s and 8s as far as the eye could see. It's just an exceptionally consistent work force that's filled with women who are worth taking for a dance.
Number of Dancers (8/10) – They have more than enough dancers, and just about every table of guys was being entertained by one or more ladies at a time, even when the club is packed. During the two-for-one parade, things are even more impressive, with dozens of women filing through the room looking for guys to entertain.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Most of the ladies at the Platinum Plus are white, but they have some of the best body variation that I've ever seen. It's not unusual to find a club with thick girls, thin girls and everything in between, but it's almost impossible to find a place with that kind of variation where all of the ladies are mainstream hot. Since everyone in this place rates at least a 7, even the women who aren't your type shouldn't be a turnoff.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – The good news is that some of the ladies were happy to sit and chat after I got a few dances even though I made it clear that I wouldn't be purchasing any more from them, and a lot of these ladies were actually a lot of fun to talk to. The bad news is that several of the girls ask you to prepay for dances and some ask if you want a dance without even introducing themselves. The real reason for this low score, though, is that the Platinum Plus refuses to set dance prices, so you have to ask every single girl what her rates are and then negotiate before getting a dance. If I'm having a good conversation with a attractive girl and she asks if I want a dance, the last thing that I want to do is look like I'm counting pennies, but it's inevitable that you'll get ripped off if you don't confirm the rates. In case the club's management is reading this, just make it an even $25 per song with no multiple song discounts. The girls would make more money and the customers could go with the flow, and everyone would be better off. I'd gladly pay a few dollars extra for that, and I guarantee that I'm not the only one.
Value (6/10) – The $6 cover isn't bad and $3.75 beers are solid, but you'll get your change in $2 bills and a few of the girls who got me drinks just pocketed $2.25 as a tip. That's probably what I would have tipped anyway, but since they didn't even ask, it felt more like an overpriced $6 beer than a $3.75 bargain. Dance prices are variable, but buying one dance at a time generally isn't a great deal, with most of the girls charging $30 for topless or $40 for nude. The club does at least run periodic two-for-ones, and a lot of girls will give two topless dances for $40 throughout the night so it's not bad if you're patient or buy in bulk.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) – Dances are given in two long narrow rooms with bench/couch hybrids lining the opposing walls. People in the main part of the club can't really see you, but there's no privacy from other people who are getting dances and, when the club is busy, other people are always getting dances. During two-for-ones in particular, the dance area gets packed. The seats themselves aren't overly comfortable, but they're not so bad as to detract from the dance.
Club Setup (9/10) – This is a beautiful club both inside and out. There's a large rectangular stage at one side of the room and a small, circular, cage style stage at the other side of the room. In case you're unfamiliar with those things, the stage is surrounded by poles that enclose the girl and allow for some very creative dance moves that you won't see at many other clubs. Like Platinum Plus's other locations, the lighting is perfect, with just enough strobes to light up the girls, but not so much as to be annoying or make things too bright. The floor can get a little cramped with all of the small tables filling the room, but it does provide plenty of seating, even on weekend evenings. If you'd rather hang out at the bar, there's a large one in the back of the club, but you can also get beers at the rack as you walk in if you're impatient.
Club Atmosphere (9/10) – This place has a great party vibe but still manages to be inviting for small groups and solo visitors as well. My only complaint is that the weekend DJ seems to think that you're there to hear him talk, even going so far as to kill the music in the middle of a song to blabber about who-know-what. It's not just a few seconds of it either; one girl was fully dressed by the time he turned the music back up because the girl and I both assumed that the song was over. Thankfully, she apologized and hopped back on without any prompting, but the DJ successfully killed the flow. Strip club DJs need to learn that if they're saying anything more than "right now all lap dances are buy one, get one free" and "that's going to do it for Jade. Next up to the stage, Destiny," he's talking too much.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – This club is easy to get to from anywhere in Lexington and they have plenty of parking, with one of the largest strip club parking lots that I've ever seen.
Overall – The Platinum Plus is the best strip club in Lexington. There are a few places on the north side of town that offer more aggressive lap dances and the Spearmint Rhino is a decent option if you're just passing by on I-75, but this place is the whole package. If you've been to their Columbia, SC location, it's a very similar experience except these girls are hotter but give much worse dances. Still, even for a lap dance fiend like me, Platinum Plus Lexington is a guaranteed good time, and I'll be stopping by in the unlikely event that I ever find myself back in the area.
RAW SCORE = 59.5
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Pink Pony (Atlanta, GA)
Quality of Dances (4/20) – It's not impossible to find worse table dances than these (just head to The Cheetah), but these are pretty bad. There's strictly one way contact, and even that is fairly minimal. A few girls will brush their knees against your crotch, but, in general, these dances are a waste of time.
Quality of Dancers (9/10) – If you're solely interested in looking at attractive naked women, you shouldn't have any problem with the Pink Pony. They have a few enhanced ladies and a few older dancers, but the majority of these ladies are 8s and 9s and the shot girls and bartenders are even hotter than that.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – They hire plenty of dancers, but I've rarely if ever seen more guys packed into a club than you'll find at the Pink Pony on a weekend night, so it can still be next to impossible to get a girl's attention for a dance. Of course, maybe they just assume that the dances are so shitty that no one will want one anyway. If you're looking to spend some time with the ladies, though, you should show up early, because they arrive well before the crowds do. If I ever come back, I'll definitely be aiming to arrive before 10pm.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The same people who own the Pink Pony own Onyx, and they seem to like to keep their girls segregated. Onyx is an all black club, and even though the Pink Pony isn't 100% white, it's pretty close to it. Most of the girls are stick-figure thin, which makes things particularly boring since they lack racial diversity. There are usually a few white girls who aren't super thin (though far from thick) and a few black girls who lack curves, and, according to a dancer I talked to at Onyx, that's by design. She claimed that management basically told her that their customers prefer white girls, or, failing that, at least black girls with "white bodies." And based on the number of customers who pack themselves into this place, I guess they know what their clientele wants. Seems boring to me, but far be it for this Yankee to try to figure out southern guys' tastes in women.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – There's the occasional friendly dancer, but most ask about dances before even introducing themselves, and a lot of them say that the table dance price is "$10 plus a nice tip." If a waitress tells me that the porterhouse special is "$80 plus a nice tip," I'm not going to be leaving much of a tip, and I'm going to look for a different steakhouse next time. The same principle goes for strip clubs, especially if we're talking about borderline air dances in the middle of a packed room (preemptive clarification for the anti-strip club readers: the stripper is the waitress in this analogy, not the piece of meat). A few hundred other guys are waiting to give the girls cash, so I guess it doesn't affect their business too much, but I've been less than impressed.
Value (4.5/10) – The $10 cover and $5 beers are pretty standard and the nude stage show is above average, but the $10 (plus tip) table dances are about twice as expensive as they're worth. Still, since the only real reason to ever come here is to look at beautiful naked women, you can manage to have a fairly good time without breaking the bank.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Table dances are, by definition, given right out in the open at the regular seats or bar stools. They're particularly bad at the Pink Pony, though, because it can get so packed that you might find yourself in standing room only. Even a skilled and motivated lapdancer would struggle to make that work, and these ladies certainly aren't that.
Club Setup (6/10) – The Pink Pony is a fairly large club, with a long narrow main stage at one end, a bar top stage off to one side, and two smaller stages toward the middle of the club. They overdo it a little with the strobe lights flashing and the stage lighting up in various colors, but it's still a reasonably classy setup. Everyone has a decent view of the action since it's really just one big open room. There aren't a ton of tables to sit at, but the 3 large bars provide sufficient seating most of the time. Just don't expect to find a seat if you show up late on a Friday or Saturday.
Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place has a real party atmosphere on weekend evenings, with young guys and attractive non-pro ladies filling the place from wall to wall. I prefer it when it's a little less crowded and a little more relaxed, but it's not too hard to have a good time here regardless of when you arrive. Other than an inordinate number of frat boy types, the crowd is decent, and the mild pat down at the door seems to be completely unnecessary.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – A short cab ride will get you here from downtown or from most of the other worthwhile clubs in the city. It's the type of place where you'll want to be drinking, but if you do chose to drive, they have plenty of parking.
Overall – The Pink Pony is one of, if not the, most popular clubs in Atlanta. It has some of the most attractive women in the Southeast and it's fully nude, and that's enough for the young guys who pack this place night after night. Every once in a while, it's even enough for me. More often though, I want friendly girls, a little variety and some quality dances, and the Pink Pony fails miserably at providing any of those three things. So it might be just what you're looking for, but it isn't going to be added to the list of clubs that I feel like I need to hit when I'm in town.
RAW SCORE = 42.5
Monday, July 4, 2011
Magic City (Atlanta, GA)
Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – You know there won't be much grinding since these are just table dances right out in the open, but there's still lots of friction and the girls don't mind if you touch their hips or legs. You'd have to be insane or at least dropping insane amounts of cash to try to push your luck in this place though.
Quality of Dancers (10/10) – If you like black women, you're in luck, because Magic City has some of the hottest in the world. It's packed wall-to-wall with girls who look like they just stepped out of a T.I. video. I've always wondered why Atlanta rappers all love strip clubs so much, but the talent in this place removes the mystery.
Number of Dancers (8/10) – Despite the fact that Magic City can get packed with customers on weekends and Monday nights, there are always still more than enough dancers working the crowd. Even my table of white guys got plenty of love.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The dancers are about as diverse as the customers, which is to say not very. There are a few Latinas mixed in, but this place is almost exclusively a black club. There is at least plenty of size variation, with everything from model thin to car show model thick represented in full force.
Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are really friendly, and most seem to genuinely enjoy trying to one-up each other on stage. The music is loud, so interaction can be difficult, but just seeing dancers have fun like this adds so much to a strip club experience.
Value (3/10) – Magic City is not the place to go if you're trying to ball on a budget. The dances and beers aren't too bad at $10 and $6, respectively, but the $20 cover is ridiculous and you shouldn't even bother to sit at the stage unless you're dropping stacks of cash. Every person that I saw sit at the stage was burning through money, and when no one was making it rain, the stageside seats were empty. You just don't sit up there to spend $5 per song. And don't bother to replenish your funds at their ATM, because the 10% surcharge is practically theft. Some of the stage action is almost worth it though.
Dance Setup (0/10) – You'll get your dance wherever you are. If you're lucky, that will be a shitty chair towards the walls, but if you're here on a Friday, Saturday or Monday night, you'll more likely be standing. One girl took me to a chair by the stage, but you're on full display up there, so you might be self-conscious with a room full of guys watching you get a dance. I could practically see thought bubbles above guys' heads saying "no way that white boy can handle that ass."
Club Setup (2/10) – There's a long, nice bar along the left hand wall, but it's not nearly big enough for the crowds that descend on this place at night. A large, H-shaped stage takes up the middle part of the club, and there are a few shitty chairs around it for the big spenders. Other than that, though, there are a few tables, but most of the crowd will end up standing when it's busy. That wouldn't be great anywhere, but in a place where everyone gets table dances, it's particularly awful.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) РThere were a few scary looking guys in the crowd, but overall, I never felt like I was in danger. That may have been my own naivet̩ though, because one dancer whispered to me to "just be safe," and everyone around town seemed shocked when I said I was going here. Still, my own impression was that Magic City is a nice place to hang out, have a few drinks, and take in some scenery. I wouldn't get out-of-my-mind drunk in here, but that's not really ever a great idea in an unfamiliar club anyway. As long as you're respectful, you should have a solid time here.
Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – Magic City isn't in the greatest area, but it's right downtown by the bus terminal and isn't too far from Turner Field and the Holiday Inn.
Overall – Whether you realize it or not, you've almost certainly heard of Magic City if you've listened to any hip hop over the last 15 years. This place is name dropped about as much as Biggie, and it's the home club for all of the Atlanta rappers including Big Boi of OutKast. Several guys helped to make strip clubs socially acceptable back in the 90's (Howard Stern, etc.), but Big Boi was really the guy who I remember making them cool. Maybe that's just false memories from a guy who wasn't even old enough to go to clubs when ATLiens came out, but that's how I remember it. And, if that's how you remember it too, then Magic City is a place that you won't want to miss. Otherwise, it's an above average club with blazingly hot black dancers and great stage action, but you might be better served going elsewhere if funds are limited or you're looking for quality lap dances.
TOTAL SCORE - 45.5
Quality of Dancers (10/10) – If you like black women, you're in luck, because Magic City has some of the hottest in the world. It's packed wall-to-wall with girls who look like they just stepped out of a T.I. video. I've always wondered why Atlanta rappers all love strip clubs so much, but the talent in this place removes the mystery.
Number of Dancers (8/10) – Despite the fact that Magic City can get packed with customers on weekends and Monday nights, there are always still more than enough dancers working the crowd. Even my table of white guys got plenty of love.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The dancers are about as diverse as the customers, which is to say not very. There are a few Latinas mixed in, but this place is almost exclusively a black club. There is at least plenty of size variation, with everything from model thin to car show model thick represented in full force.
Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are really friendly, and most seem to genuinely enjoy trying to one-up each other on stage. The music is loud, so interaction can be difficult, but just seeing dancers have fun like this adds so much to a strip club experience.
Value (3/10) – Magic City is not the place to go if you're trying to ball on a budget. The dances and beers aren't too bad at $10 and $6, respectively, but the $20 cover is ridiculous and you shouldn't even bother to sit at the stage unless you're dropping stacks of cash. Every person that I saw sit at the stage was burning through money, and when no one was making it rain, the stageside seats were empty. You just don't sit up there to spend $5 per song. And don't bother to replenish your funds at their ATM, because the 10% surcharge is practically theft. Some of the stage action is almost worth it though.
Dance Setup (0/10) – You'll get your dance wherever you are. If you're lucky, that will be a shitty chair towards the walls, but if you're here on a Friday, Saturday or Monday night, you'll more likely be standing. One girl took me to a chair by the stage, but you're on full display up there, so you might be self-conscious with a room full of guys watching you get a dance. I could practically see thought bubbles above guys' heads saying "no way that white boy can handle that ass."
Club Setup (2/10) – There's a long, nice bar along the left hand wall, but it's not nearly big enough for the crowds that descend on this place at night. A large, H-shaped stage takes up the middle part of the club, and there are a few shitty chairs around it for the big spenders. Other than that, though, there are a few tables, but most of the crowd will end up standing when it's busy. That wouldn't be great anywhere, but in a place where everyone gets table dances, it's particularly awful.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) РThere were a few scary looking guys in the crowd, but overall, I never felt like I was in danger. That may have been my own naivet̩ though, because one dancer whispered to me to "just be safe," and everyone around town seemed shocked when I said I was going here. Still, my own impression was that Magic City is a nice place to hang out, have a few drinks, and take in some scenery. I wouldn't get out-of-my-mind drunk in here, but that's not really ever a great idea in an unfamiliar club anyway. As long as you're respectful, you should have a solid time here.
Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – Magic City isn't in the greatest area, but it's right downtown by the bus terminal and isn't too far from Turner Field and the Holiday Inn.
Overall – Whether you realize it or not, you've almost certainly heard of Magic City if you've listened to any hip hop over the last 15 years. This place is name dropped about as much as Biggie, and it's the home club for all of the Atlanta rappers including Big Boi of OutKast. Several guys helped to make strip clubs socially acceptable back in the 90's (Howard Stern, etc.), but Big Boi was really the guy who I remember making them cool. Maybe that's just false memories from a guy who wasn't even old enough to go to clubs when ATLiens came out, but that's how I remember it. And, if that's how you remember it too, then Magic City is a place that you won't want to miss. Otherwise, it's an above average club with blazingly hot black dancers and great stage action, but you might be better served going elsewhere if funds are limited or you're looking for quality lap dances.
TOTAL SCORE - 45.5
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Golden Dragon (Portland, OR)
Quality of Dances (8/20) – There are three tiers of “dances” at this place. You can get one dance on a bench seat that is not private for $20, three dances for $40 in a semi-private booth, or go to the VIP room. There you close the door and mutually masturbate for 15 minutes for $150 (or $300 for 30 minutes, but don’t kid yourself about lasting that long). The regular lap dances have decent grinding by the dancer, but no touching is allowed. If you weren’t aware of this rule, it’s printed on a nice big sign at the entrance.
Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There is no alcohol served, allowing the Golden Dragon to hire under 21s, which is all they do. I could have been at a UConn girls volleyball practice at this place. Everyone was thin, athletic, young, and was showing off awesome pole moves on the stage. There were a few eights and nines, and the place was littered with sevens and nothing under a six.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – Sixteen girls on a Friday is pretty good, especially since all 16 of them will do a masturbation show (some with a friend). The ratio was roughly one to one given the number of dudes present.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – One unavoidable sticking point to Portland is that it’s full of thin white girls. All athletic with great bodies, but most of the variance involves a) what color her hair is, b) what her tattoos look like, and c) where her piercings are located.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – When you arrive and pay your cover, there are three to four girls waiting at the entrance to give you a Bunny Ranch style tour. Your mileage may vary on that one, depending mostly on how willing you seem to be to spend money. Showing you around the club is mainly a way to show off the menu and gauge how loose you are with the twenties, but most won’t be too pushy about dragging cash out before you even sit down. On nights where there are a ton of girls working and the guys aren’t making it rain, though, they can get a little testy and make it a bit of a buzzkill. You would think having a tough night and a great ratio would encourage the girls to be friendlier and more affectionate, but they just pout if you say no to tossing $150 their way.
Value (6.5/10) – Since there is no booze, you would expect an absurd cover charge, but it’s only $5. The menu consists of three sodas, water, and enormous Red Bulls. The single lap dance option mentioned above is a little overpriced, but the 3 for $40 deal is definitely a worthwhile option. I didn’t try the mutual masturbation, but your $150 will go farther here than possibly anywhere else in the area.
Dance Setup (4/10) – The single dance bench has no privacy and people walk by you all the time. The better option for dances is the semi-private booth. It appears most guys do a single dance to gauge a dancer and then go right to the VIP room, so it’s rare to have more than one guy anywhere near you. I imagine taking a UV light into the VIP room would have enough DNA evidence to make a two part episode of CSI.
Club Setup (3/10) – There is a short bar when you enter on the left and a small stage that is 6” off the floor in the middle. It looks terrible, but it more easily allows dancers to give decent stage action and that’s where most people congregate. Unfortunately, most of the guys are 18 years old, awkward, naïve, nervous, and pitching a tent the size of the Chrysler building in front of everyone else in the bright light. The long dance benches near the stage are usually empty (and thus a waste of space), presumably because not many guys are stupid enough to think one dance for $20 is mathematically superior to three for $40.
Club Atmosphere (2/10) – Since it’s 18+, there’s a large under 21 crowd coming to the club hammered out of their minds, trying hard to spend all of their $35 checking account. It’s a bit of a change from other clubs, but at least everyone is happy to be there, even after getting past the two biker extras from Sons of Anarchy at the front door. The larger issue is that it’s brighter than a restaurant and you couldn’t hide in a dark corner unless you went to another club.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This place is right in the middle of downtown Portland. You can stumble a few blocks to awesome street food and to bars, with public transportation all around. You couldn’t be in a better place if you tried.
Overall – If you have a ton of cash and want to get right into watching two girls have sex in front of you while you masturbate, call this place your own. If not, it’s not a good choice among the several clubs within walking distance of it. The standard Portland “no hands” rule is enforced, and try as I may, I could not get a girl to admit that you can straight up have sex in the VIP room.
Because of the relative strength of its competition, I can only recommend this club for the under-21s, as it may be their only game in town. Just be careful since the girls are better at convincing you to watch them masturbate than you are at convincing them you don’t have enough money to pay for it.
TOTAL SCORE = 48.5
Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There is no alcohol served, allowing the Golden Dragon to hire under 21s, which is all they do. I could have been at a UConn girls volleyball practice at this place. Everyone was thin, athletic, young, and was showing off awesome pole moves on the stage. There were a few eights and nines, and the place was littered with sevens and nothing under a six.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – Sixteen girls on a Friday is pretty good, especially since all 16 of them will do a masturbation show (some with a friend). The ratio was roughly one to one given the number of dudes present.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – One unavoidable sticking point to Portland is that it’s full of thin white girls. All athletic with great bodies, but most of the variance involves a) what color her hair is, b) what her tattoos look like, and c) where her piercings are located.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – When you arrive and pay your cover, there are three to four girls waiting at the entrance to give you a Bunny Ranch style tour. Your mileage may vary on that one, depending mostly on how willing you seem to be to spend money. Showing you around the club is mainly a way to show off the menu and gauge how loose you are with the twenties, but most won’t be too pushy about dragging cash out before you even sit down. On nights where there are a ton of girls working and the guys aren’t making it rain, though, they can get a little testy and make it a bit of a buzzkill. You would think having a tough night and a great ratio would encourage the girls to be friendlier and more affectionate, but they just pout if you say no to tossing $150 their way.
Value (6.5/10) – Since there is no booze, you would expect an absurd cover charge, but it’s only $5. The menu consists of three sodas, water, and enormous Red Bulls. The single lap dance option mentioned above is a little overpriced, but the 3 for $40 deal is definitely a worthwhile option. I didn’t try the mutual masturbation, but your $150 will go farther here than possibly anywhere else in the area.
Dance Setup (4/10) – The single dance bench has no privacy and people walk by you all the time. The better option for dances is the semi-private booth. It appears most guys do a single dance to gauge a dancer and then go right to the VIP room, so it’s rare to have more than one guy anywhere near you. I imagine taking a UV light into the VIP room would have enough DNA evidence to make a two part episode of CSI.
Club Setup (3/10) – There is a short bar when you enter on the left and a small stage that is 6” off the floor in the middle. It looks terrible, but it more easily allows dancers to give decent stage action and that’s where most people congregate. Unfortunately, most of the guys are 18 years old, awkward, naïve, nervous, and pitching a tent the size of the Chrysler building in front of everyone else in the bright light. The long dance benches near the stage are usually empty (and thus a waste of space), presumably because not many guys are stupid enough to think one dance for $20 is mathematically superior to three for $40.
Club Atmosphere (2/10) – Since it’s 18+, there’s a large under 21 crowd coming to the club hammered out of their minds, trying hard to spend all of their $35 checking account. It’s a bit of a change from other clubs, but at least everyone is happy to be there, even after getting past the two biker extras from Sons of Anarchy at the front door. The larger issue is that it’s brighter than a restaurant and you couldn’t hide in a dark corner unless you went to another club.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This place is right in the middle of downtown Portland. You can stumble a few blocks to awesome street food and to bars, with public transportation all around. You couldn’t be in a better place if you tried.
Overall – If you have a ton of cash and want to get right into watching two girls have sex in front of you while you masturbate, call this place your own. If not, it’s not a good choice among the several clubs within walking distance of it. The standard Portland “no hands” rule is enforced, and try as I may, I could not get a girl to admit that you can straight up have sex in the VIP room.
Because of the relative strength of its competition, I can only recommend this club for the under-21s, as it may be their only game in town. Just be careful since the girls are better at convincing you to watch them masturbate than you are at convincing them you don’t have enough money to pay for it.
TOTAL SCORE = 48.5
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Filly Corral (Smithton, PA)
Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – These are some excellent nude lap dances. You can't touch the crotch and I didn't get any signs that extras are available, at least during regular dances, but everyone provides a nice grind and most of the ladies encourage upper body 2-way contact. Still, what they allow you to do isn't all that unusual. It's what they're able to do that's really impressive. Almost all of these ladies know how to work it with their knees, and I even witnessed one girl standing on the lap dance chair and working it with her foot. That's not a move that I'd like to experience often, but a little variety is never a bad thing.
Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies redefine the strip-club-at-a-rest-stop scale. When I first pulled up to this place, I was expecting a half dozen mid-forties enhanced bleached blond borderline lot lizards, but these ladies are genuinely hot. During two visits, I saw one older dancer and one who could have stood to lose a few pounds, but the vast majority of the ladies in the place are all natural and would have been considered to be high quality even at a big city club. As long as you're not expecting to see a bunch of 9s and 10s, you should be satisfied with these ladies.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – The Filly Corale is crawling with women. There are always two ladies on stage at a time, the stage sets are usually just two songs long, and they don't repeat girls often. Some of the girls hang out together near the stage, but there are always plenty of ladies on the floor and several working the crowd.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – You probably aren't expecting much diversity at a rest stop strip club in the middle of nowhere, and that's a good thing, because there's isn't much at this place. I've seen one black girl and one Asian in two visits, which means that about 95% of the ladies that I've seen have been white.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – Other than a few girls who don't work the crowd as much as I'd like, everyone here is really friendly. Most of the ladies are actually good to talk to, and everyone that I've gotten dances from have plopped down on my lap to wait for a new song to start. That should be standard in all clubs, but you have to request it at a lot of places. I especially enjoyed the one girl who had a tattoo on her ass that read, "Your Name." Now that's a girl with no plans of settling down anytime soon. I also have to give some credit here to the club for promoting good interactions between customers and dancers. Tips are appreciated for good lap dances, but the club has a sign up that tells you to talk to management if any of the ladies are pushy about it.
Value (7/10) – The nude stage action is very good, with a lot of ladies getting pretty graphic with lip spreading and some even allowing some tit grabbing at the rail. The dances are a decent value at $20 each, and the $20 cover isn't even too bad since you get free beer. Several of the Pennsylvania clubs that don't have liquor licenses give away beer, but it's been in tiny plastic cups everywhere else that I've been. Here, you get cans of Bud Light. I never thought that I'd be so excited about mediocre beer, but it's so delicious when it's (sortof) free.
Dance Setup (2/10) – The dance area is in a separate room from the main stage, but there's no privacy between the several customers who are usually getting a dance at the same time. The half dozen chair in the room face each other and the room is way too bright, but at least you do get your own comfortable chair.
Club Setup (6/10) – The Filly Corral could pass for a dentist's office on the outside, but on the inside, it's pure strip club, and a pretty good one at that. There's a large, more or less rectangular bar that takes up half of the room, with a few restaurant style booths behind it and a nice but narrow two-pole main stage in front of it. There are also a few other chairs behind the main stage, two small overflow stages and a sectioned off floor level area called the "snake pit," but it seems like those are all rarely, if ever, used. Either way, I prefer to stay at the bar so that they can keep the "free" beers coming
Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – You probably shouldn't bring your uptight business associates here (they might be freaked out by the "no spitting" sign, but I love the relaxed blue collar vibe. This is the type of place where everyone just assumes that you drive an 18-wheeler, and if you start to think that every night on the road would be as fun as a night at the Corral, you'll wish you did.
Club Accessibility (1/5) – The Filly Corral is right off of the PA turnpike and is right beside the Flying J travel plaza, so it's basically the best location ever for truck drivers. Sadly, for the rest of us, this club is in the fucking boonies.
Overall – The Filly Corral is, without a doubt, the best club that I've been to in Pennsylvania. Just a really solid joint with hot, friendly girls, solid dances and no glaring weaknesses. I don't know if I'd bother to drive 40 minutes each way to get here from Pittsburgh, but I'll definitely drive 20 minutes out of my way to hit it anytime that I'm traveling to Pittsburgh.
RAW SCORE = 58
Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies redefine the strip-club-at-a-rest-stop scale. When I first pulled up to this place, I was expecting a half dozen mid-forties enhanced bleached blond borderline lot lizards, but these ladies are genuinely hot. During two visits, I saw one older dancer and one who could have stood to lose a few pounds, but the vast majority of the ladies in the place are all natural and would have been considered to be high quality even at a big city club. As long as you're not expecting to see a bunch of 9s and 10s, you should be satisfied with these ladies.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – The Filly Corale is crawling with women. There are always two ladies on stage at a time, the stage sets are usually just two songs long, and they don't repeat girls often. Some of the girls hang out together near the stage, but there are always plenty of ladies on the floor and several working the crowd.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – You probably aren't expecting much diversity at a rest stop strip club in the middle of nowhere, and that's a good thing, because there's isn't much at this place. I've seen one black girl and one Asian in two visits, which means that about 95% of the ladies that I've seen have been white.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – Other than a few girls who don't work the crowd as much as I'd like, everyone here is really friendly. Most of the ladies are actually good to talk to, and everyone that I've gotten dances from have plopped down on my lap to wait for a new song to start. That should be standard in all clubs, but you have to request it at a lot of places. I especially enjoyed the one girl who had a tattoo on her ass that read, "Your Name." Now that's a girl with no plans of settling down anytime soon. I also have to give some credit here to the club for promoting good interactions between customers and dancers. Tips are appreciated for good lap dances, but the club has a sign up that tells you to talk to management if any of the ladies are pushy about it.
Value (7/10) – The nude stage action is very good, with a lot of ladies getting pretty graphic with lip spreading and some even allowing some tit grabbing at the rail. The dances are a decent value at $20 each, and the $20 cover isn't even too bad since you get free beer. Several of the Pennsylvania clubs that don't have liquor licenses give away beer, but it's been in tiny plastic cups everywhere else that I've been. Here, you get cans of Bud Light. I never thought that I'd be so excited about mediocre beer, but it's so delicious when it's (sortof) free.
Dance Setup (2/10) – The dance area is in a separate room from the main stage, but there's no privacy between the several customers who are usually getting a dance at the same time. The half dozen chair in the room face each other and the room is way too bright, but at least you do get your own comfortable chair.
Club Setup (6/10) – The Filly Corral could pass for a dentist's office on the outside, but on the inside, it's pure strip club, and a pretty good one at that. There's a large, more or less rectangular bar that takes up half of the room, with a few restaurant style booths behind it and a nice but narrow two-pole main stage in front of it. There are also a few other chairs behind the main stage, two small overflow stages and a sectioned off floor level area called the "snake pit," but it seems like those are all rarely, if ever, used. Either way, I prefer to stay at the bar so that they can keep the "free" beers coming
Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – You probably shouldn't bring your uptight business associates here (they might be freaked out by the "no spitting" sign, but I love the relaxed blue collar vibe. This is the type of place where everyone just assumes that you drive an 18-wheeler, and if you start to think that every night on the road would be as fun as a night at the Corral, you'll wish you did.
Club Accessibility (1/5) – The Filly Corral is right off of the PA turnpike and is right beside the Flying J travel plaza, so it's basically the best location ever for truck drivers. Sadly, for the rest of us, this club is in the fucking boonies.
Overall – The Filly Corral is, without a doubt, the best club that I've been to in Pennsylvania. Just a really solid joint with hot, friendly girls, solid dances and no glaring weaknesses. I don't know if I'd bother to drive 40 minutes each way to get here from Pittsburgh, but I'll definitely drive 20 minutes out of my way to hit it anytime that I'm traveling to Pittsburgh.
RAW SCORE = 58
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Ruby's II (Bridgeport, CT)
Quality of Dances (13/20) - The dances are nude and the girls make decent contact with you and most of them are fine with varying degrees of 2 way contact. There are big signs all over the club saying "No physical contact with the dancers," so you probably shouldn't assume that it's okay to grab a handful of titty, but I haven't found a girl here who seemed to mind when my hands slowly moved in that general direction. Some of these girls indicate that they'll get the job done if you stick around for several songs, but I've never gotten a dance from a girl hot enough to tempt me to take them up on those offers.
Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) - A lot of these ladies are on the older side, and you really won't find many stunning dancers here, but the majority of white girls are fairly attractive in a girl-next-door sort of way. Many of the Latinas are a little more sloppy, but they're still Latinas, so you know I won't complain too much.
Number of Dancers (4/10) - There are a decent number of girls here during peak hours on peak days, but any time other than that and it can be a little sparse. By closing time on weekends, it's really thinned out. I can understand that at clubs that close at 3 am, but there's really no excuse for girls to leave early when the club closes at 1. And early in the week, it's pretty bad regardless of what time you go.
Variety/Diversity of dDancers (3/5) - You'll find plenty of white girls and Brazilians, but there's a surprising lack of black dancers given the location.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) - The girls should be more interested in getting people to get dances, but they were all friendly once I got their attention and I've never seen women look so appreciative for even small tips. You're pretty much guaranteed to get a face full of tits if you sit at the stage, and one time when I put a single on the stage and walked away, you'd have thought Nelly had just slid his credit card through the girl's ass.
Value (6/10) - $5 cover and $20 dances seem to be slightly less than at most clubs in the area, and it's BYOB with a small fee for them to hold onto your drinks. If you're just passing through town, and I hope for your sake that you are, BYOB doesn't really help that much. The signs say there's a 3 drink minimum, but that doesn't seem to be strictly enforced.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) - There are booths, but they're made of lattice fencing, so they're basically useless. Anyone who is in this part of the club can see right in.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a large bar in one section, a fairly small stage in the next section, and a few pool tables near the far wall. Even though they need more seats in the stage section of the club, this place seems like it could have been pretty decent at some point. Unfortunately, it's pretty run down now.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - Ruby's is definitely more bar than gentleman's club, which is a problem since they don't serve alcohol. And the Hell's Angels at the bar, the tough guys standing by the pool tables, the country music, and the signs saying "If you're not drinking, you're loitering" don't really add to the atmosphere.
Club Accessibility (1/5) - I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in this area for long, but it is easily accessible from I-95. The neighborhood isn't great, but it's not terrible and they have a private parking lot where your car should be safe.
Overall - I've been told that you can have a lot of fun with a few of the girls here, and there are plenty of people who really like this place - I'm just not one of them. It might be a decent option if you're looking for a Bridgeport club that's a compromise between the places with really tame lap dances (Scruples) and the places that are ridiculously shady (Bishop's Corner), but a club really has to blow me away to make up for a lack of alcohol, and Ruby's II doesn't.
TOTAL SCORE = 46
Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) - A lot of these ladies are on the older side, and you really won't find many stunning dancers here, but the majority of white girls are fairly attractive in a girl-next-door sort of way. Many of the Latinas are a little more sloppy, but they're still Latinas, so you know I won't complain too much.
Number of Dancers (4/10) - There are a decent number of girls here during peak hours on peak days, but any time other than that and it can be a little sparse. By closing time on weekends, it's really thinned out. I can understand that at clubs that close at 3 am, but there's really no excuse for girls to leave early when the club closes at 1. And early in the week, it's pretty bad regardless of what time you go.
Variety/Diversity of dDancers (3/5) - You'll find plenty of white girls and Brazilians, but there's a surprising lack of black dancers given the location.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) - The girls should be more interested in getting people to get dances, but they were all friendly once I got their attention and I've never seen women look so appreciative for even small tips. You're pretty much guaranteed to get a face full of tits if you sit at the stage, and one time when I put a single on the stage and walked away, you'd have thought Nelly had just slid his credit card through the girl's ass.
Value (6/10) - $5 cover and $20 dances seem to be slightly less than at most clubs in the area, and it's BYOB with a small fee for them to hold onto your drinks. If you're just passing through town, and I hope for your sake that you are, BYOB doesn't really help that much. The signs say there's a 3 drink minimum, but that doesn't seem to be strictly enforced.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) - There are booths, but they're made of lattice fencing, so they're basically useless. Anyone who is in this part of the club can see right in.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a large bar in one section, a fairly small stage in the next section, and a few pool tables near the far wall. Even though they need more seats in the stage section of the club, this place seems like it could have been pretty decent at some point. Unfortunately, it's pretty run down now.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - Ruby's is definitely more bar than gentleman's club, which is a problem since they don't serve alcohol. And the Hell's Angels at the bar, the tough guys standing by the pool tables, the country music, and the signs saying "If you're not drinking, you're loitering" don't really add to the atmosphere.
Club Accessibility (1/5) - I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in this area for long, but it is easily accessible from I-95. The neighborhood isn't great, but it's not terrible and they have a private parking lot where your car should be safe.
Overall - I've been told that you can have a lot of fun with a few of the girls here, and there are plenty of people who really like this place - I'm just not one of them. It might be a decent option if you're looking for a Bridgeport club that's a compromise between the places with really tame lap dances (Scruples) and the places that are ridiculously shady (Bishop's Corner), but a club really has to blow me away to make up for a lack of alcohol, and Ruby's II doesn't.
TOTAL SCORE = 46
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Silky's (McKees Rocks, PA)
Quality of Dances (12/20) – Touching tits is usually tolerated and you can get a good grind from pretty much every lady in the place. The setup prevents thing from getting too intimate unless you pay for the VIP, but these are still the most consistently solid dances in Pittsburgh.
Quality of Dancers (2/10) – I've been less than impressed with the ladies that I've seen at Silky's. During my first vist, I saw one really hot dancer, one who wasn't too bad, two who were about a decade past their sell-by date, and two who were just disgusting. The elderly contingent was missing during my second visit, but the other proportions were about the same. I'm usually fine with sacrificing the quality of dancers for the quality of dances, but it's just ridiculous at this place. And good luck getting the really hot one or even the not-too-bad one away from the other customers long enough to get a dance.
Number of Dancers (2.5/10) – I've seen about a half dozen girls working during both of my weekend night visits. That wouldn't normally be too terrible, but since I was part of a fire code defying number of customers, the ratio makes it almost impossible to get a dance unless you come often enough for the girls to know you.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – I've seen one non-white girl total in two visits. There was at least a little size variation, but since they usually don't have more than one genuinely attractive girl working at a time, you're out of luck if that one attractive girl isn't your type. The one girl's teeth pointed in a variety of directions, but that's not really what I'm looking for in this category.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – I've seen several ladies who spent most of their time talking to their friends who showed up to watch them dance and the majority of dancers seemed annoyed to have to deal with customers. When I finally did get a chance to talk to anyone, the VIP room sales pitch was almost immediate, though it was at least fairly mild as far as sales pitches go. There are just so many guys per girl, at least during busy times, that they really don't have a reason to keep customers happy.
Value (8/10) – Since the four or five beers on tap are free, you really can't beat the $10 cover with fairly solid stage shows, and dances aren't too bad at $20 each either.
Dance Setup (1.5/10) – There are six couches lined up facing the same direction on the 2nd floor of the club. Since they all face a bouncer who sits at a desk in the front of the room, you almost feel like you're in class and he's the teacher. Thankfully, he rarely takes a peak, and none of the other dancers or customers can see you if you're on one of the two couches in the back, but it takes the fun out of grabbing titties when you feel like you're going to get sent to after school detention.
Club Setup (1/10) – This is a very narrow club with a tiny (unused) stage in the front, a long narrow stage that takes up most of the club, and a small area to stand in the far back. That area is a little tough to get to since the main stage fills up most of the area that you have to walk through to get to the back. Also, there's not really anywhere to sit other than one table in the back, the stage, or along a wall and the place just generally seems like a dump.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – Silky's seems to be safe enough, but I find it to be depressing. It's just a lot of douchebag guys in their early 20's who don't know that nudity does not automatically equal awesome. The free beer can help you overlook some of the club's shortcomings, but I'd have to drink a dangerous amount to ever have a good time here.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Silky's is right down the street from Club Erotica and is an easy drive from downtown Pittsburgh.
Overall – It's rare for me to recommend against visiting a club that offers the best dances in any given city, but the girls at Silky's are so unattractive that I can't justify ever going back. I guess that if you're only interested in lap dances and you're ready for a club visit before prime clubbing time, it might be worth stopping by to see if you can spend some quality time with one of the few attractive ladies. Otherwise, it's just not worth competing with a room full of guys for the attention of girls who look this bad.
RAW SCORE = 39
Quality of Dancers (2/10) – I've been less than impressed with the ladies that I've seen at Silky's. During my first vist, I saw one really hot dancer, one who wasn't too bad, two who were about a decade past their sell-by date, and two who were just disgusting. The elderly contingent was missing during my second visit, but the other proportions were about the same. I'm usually fine with sacrificing the quality of dancers for the quality of dances, but it's just ridiculous at this place. And good luck getting the really hot one or even the not-too-bad one away from the other customers long enough to get a dance.
Number of Dancers (2.5/10) – I've seen about a half dozen girls working during both of my weekend night visits. That wouldn't normally be too terrible, but since I was part of a fire code defying number of customers, the ratio makes it almost impossible to get a dance unless you come often enough for the girls to know you.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – I've seen one non-white girl total in two visits. There was at least a little size variation, but since they usually don't have more than one genuinely attractive girl working at a time, you're out of luck if that one attractive girl isn't your type. The one girl's teeth pointed in a variety of directions, but that's not really what I'm looking for in this category.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – I've seen several ladies who spent most of their time talking to their friends who showed up to watch them dance and the majority of dancers seemed annoyed to have to deal with customers. When I finally did get a chance to talk to anyone, the VIP room sales pitch was almost immediate, though it was at least fairly mild as far as sales pitches go. There are just so many guys per girl, at least during busy times, that they really don't have a reason to keep customers happy.
Value (8/10) – Since the four or five beers on tap are free, you really can't beat the $10 cover with fairly solid stage shows, and dances aren't too bad at $20 each either.
Dance Setup (1.5/10) – There are six couches lined up facing the same direction on the 2nd floor of the club. Since they all face a bouncer who sits at a desk in the front of the room, you almost feel like you're in class and he's the teacher. Thankfully, he rarely takes a peak, and none of the other dancers or customers can see you if you're on one of the two couches in the back, but it takes the fun out of grabbing titties when you feel like you're going to get sent to after school detention.
Club Setup (1/10) – This is a very narrow club with a tiny (unused) stage in the front, a long narrow stage that takes up most of the club, and a small area to stand in the far back. That area is a little tough to get to since the main stage fills up most of the area that you have to walk through to get to the back. Also, there's not really anywhere to sit other than one table in the back, the stage, or along a wall and the place just generally seems like a dump.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – Silky's seems to be safe enough, but I find it to be depressing. It's just a lot of douchebag guys in their early 20's who don't know that nudity does not automatically equal awesome. The free beer can help you overlook some of the club's shortcomings, but I'd have to drink a dangerous amount to ever have a good time here.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Silky's is right down the street from Club Erotica and is an easy drive from downtown Pittsburgh.
Overall – It's rare for me to recommend against visiting a club that offers the best dances in any given city, but the girls at Silky's are so unattractive that I can't justify ever going back. I guess that if you're only interested in lap dances and you're ready for a club visit before prime clubbing time, it might be worth stopping by to see if you can spend some quality time with one of the few attractive ladies. Otherwise, it's just not worth competing with a room full of guys for the attention of girls who look this bad.
RAW SCORE = 39
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Cheetah (Atlanta, GA)
Quality of Dances (1/20) – There are many things that I like about The Cheetah, but the lapdances aren't one of them. These dances are basically just a stage show at your table, because there's absolutely no contact between customers and dancers.
Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) – There are a fair number of implants and several barely-there tits (which, for the record, are preferable to implants), but most of the girls at The Cheetah are blazingly hot. This place has some of the hottest dancers on the east coast and easily the hottest white girls in the city.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are always plenty of girls in the building, as evidenced by the fact that they have three or four girls on stage at a time and they don't repeat girls frequntly. If they'd all stay out on the floor, they'd have a near perfect score here, but the majority of the girls disappear when they aren't on stage, so the customer to dancer ratio can be unfavorable when they're busy. That's not a huge problem since lapdances are a waste of time anyway, but I still have to dock them a few points for it.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – It's rare to find a club with this much variety of quality dancers. Most of the girls are white and relatively thin, but I also saw several attractive thick girls, a few Asians, a few Latinas and some black dancers. And since they have at least three girls on stage at a time, you should pretty much always have a few different types of dancers to ogle at any given time.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) – Most of the ladies seem to be appreciative of tips, but the disappearing act while not on stage keeps interaction between customers and dancers to a minimum.
Value (3/10) – The stage value is fairly poor, since they have strange rules that require dancers to stay clothed until they get $5 and to keep their bottoms on until they get $10 in tips. Drinks are also slightly high side at $6, and if you want to sit at one of the tables around the outside of the club, that will cost you $25. A much better option is to go to the Alluvia restaurant corner of the club, where you get a table for free if you're eating a meal. The fried chicken breast is delicious, costs $4 less than one of the non-dinner tables, and allows you to have dinner with a view.
Dance Setup (0/10) – The air dances are right out in the open wherever you happen to be sitting. That's not a big deal for me since I refuse to pay for airdances, but it still sucks.
Club Setup (6.5/10) – The is a large club with seating in the middle and two small bars and three stages toward the walls. Two of those stages are fairly standard, but the staircase leading down to the main stage adds some elegance. The best places to sit are at the tables and booths in the raised areas at opposite ends of the club, but as mentioned above, those seats come at a premium. My biggest complaint about the setup, though, is the statues beside the stage. I'm sure that the club owner thought that they looked impressive, but you know what would have made them even more impressive? If they hadn't been statues of naked dudes.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Cheetah is, by far, the classiest club in Atlanta. It's safe, clean and basically feels like a restaurant (even if you aren't in their restaurant). Whether or not that's a good thing depends on what you're looking for, but I enjoy it early in the evening when I'm looking to relax. Once I'm ready to up the alcohol intake, I head elsewhere because there isn't much of a party vibe here. Overall, though, it's a fun place to hang out for an hour or two.
Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – The Cheetah is in downtown Atlanta near the Georgia Tech campus. It isn't bad to get to by cab, but I have to highly recommend giving their limo driver a call and having him pick you up. It's free, but you should tip around $20 if you have a small group or a little more if you've got a large group. If he's not busy, he's usually even be willing to take you from the club to your next destination, as long as that next destination isn't another club.
Overall – If the Cheetah had even mediocre lap dances, it would be a great club. If you care less about lap dances than I do, you may even think that it's already a great club. Air dances just kill a strip club for me. Luckily, the fried chicken is so good that I was able to look at The Cheetah as a restaurant experience as much as a strip club experience, and in that context, it excelled. I've eaten in some exotic locations, but I've never had a better view for a meal than at this place. Since I was busy eating, the lack of lap dances didn't affect me. Basically, if you don't care about dances, you should go to The Cheetah because you'll enjoy it. And if you do care about dances, you should go to Alluvia at The Cheetah for a bite to eat, then head elsewhere to get your lapdance fix.
RAW SCORE = 44
Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) – There are a fair number of implants and several barely-there tits (which, for the record, are preferable to implants), but most of the girls at The Cheetah are blazingly hot. This place has some of the hottest dancers on the east coast and easily the hottest white girls in the city.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are always plenty of girls in the building, as evidenced by the fact that they have three or four girls on stage at a time and they don't repeat girls frequntly. If they'd all stay out on the floor, they'd have a near perfect score here, but the majority of the girls disappear when they aren't on stage, so the customer to dancer ratio can be unfavorable when they're busy. That's not a huge problem since lapdances are a waste of time anyway, but I still have to dock them a few points for it.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – It's rare to find a club with this much variety of quality dancers. Most of the girls are white and relatively thin, but I also saw several attractive thick girls, a few Asians, a few Latinas and some black dancers. And since they have at least three girls on stage at a time, you should pretty much always have a few different types of dancers to ogle at any given time.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) – Most of the ladies seem to be appreciative of tips, but the disappearing act while not on stage keeps interaction between customers and dancers to a minimum.
Value (3/10) – The stage value is fairly poor, since they have strange rules that require dancers to stay clothed until they get $5 and to keep their bottoms on until they get $10 in tips. Drinks are also slightly high side at $6, and if you want to sit at one of the tables around the outside of the club, that will cost you $25. A much better option is to go to the Alluvia restaurant corner of the club, where you get a table for free if you're eating a meal. The fried chicken breast is delicious, costs $4 less than one of the non-dinner tables, and allows you to have dinner with a view.
Dance Setup (0/10) – The air dances are right out in the open wherever you happen to be sitting. That's not a big deal for me since I refuse to pay for airdances, but it still sucks.
Club Setup (6.5/10) – The is a large club with seating in the middle and two small bars and three stages toward the walls. Two of those stages are fairly standard, but the staircase leading down to the main stage adds some elegance. The best places to sit are at the tables and booths in the raised areas at opposite ends of the club, but as mentioned above, those seats come at a premium. My biggest complaint about the setup, though, is the statues beside the stage. I'm sure that the club owner thought that they looked impressive, but you know what would have made them even more impressive? If they hadn't been statues of naked dudes.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Cheetah is, by far, the classiest club in Atlanta. It's safe, clean and basically feels like a restaurant (even if you aren't in their restaurant). Whether or not that's a good thing depends on what you're looking for, but I enjoy it early in the evening when I'm looking to relax. Once I'm ready to up the alcohol intake, I head elsewhere because there isn't much of a party vibe here. Overall, though, it's a fun place to hang out for an hour or two.
Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – The Cheetah is in downtown Atlanta near the Georgia Tech campus. It isn't bad to get to by cab, but I have to highly recommend giving their limo driver a call and having him pick you up. It's free, but you should tip around $20 if you have a small group or a little more if you've got a large group. If he's not busy, he's usually even be willing to take you from the club to your next destination, as long as that next destination isn't another club.
Overall – If the Cheetah had even mediocre lap dances, it would be a great club. If you care less about lap dances than I do, you may even think that it's already a great club. Air dances just kill a strip club for me. Luckily, the fried chicken is so good that I was able to look at The Cheetah as a restaurant experience as much as a strip club experience, and in that context, it excelled. I've eaten in some exotic locations, but I've never had a better view for a meal than at this place. Since I was busy eating, the lack of lap dances didn't affect me. Basically, if you don't care about dances, you should go to The Cheetah because you'll enjoy it. And if you do care about dances, you should go to Alluvia at The Cheetah for a bite to eat, then head elsewhere to get your lapdance fix.
RAW SCORE = 44
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Acropolis (Portland, OR)
Quality of Dances (6/20) – For a place that advertises no hustle and a more relaxing atmosphere, they may as well say “don’t bother getting a dance, no one else does.” I was there for two hours, and not a single of the 100+ customers got a dance (including me). That said, it’s hard to imagine they’re anything but the standard Portland “no touching” dance, where she can touch you but you need to act like a cadaver, so I’m going to give them my perceived score.
Quality of Dancers (5/10) – Everyone here was decent but forgettable, save for the tattooed brunette whose hair was straight out of a Mad Max movie. Kind of a mullet, kind of a mohawk (mulhawk?). Decent bodies, but no girls appeared to be contestants on The Biggest Loser. The Acropolis sported the only two sets of fakies on my Portland tour. A terrible shame; I was really hoping to bat 1.000 on the naturals during my trip.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – Six girls at 7pm on Saturday, with a fresh eight girls on hand at 9pm seems low but not terrible, however when there are dozens upon dozens of dudes surrounding the stages at all times, there is no way to get your groove on. The bouncer told me they cap the ladies at eight because “that’s how we get the most beautiful girls in Portland.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him he had a sub-par group for Portland. I don’t care if you advertise no hustle, eight girls vs. close to 100 guys in a place you call a “strip club” is unacceptable.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (.5/5) – There was more diversity in the female patrons than there was on stage. All white brunettes with a few fake bombs is not any kind of variety.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – They seem happy to dance their sets and not need to solicit for lapdances, so . . . good? The lack of interaction means it’s hard to gauge attitude, but I can’t help wanting a little more personality engagement. Guys fill the stage stools with dollars consistently, so the strippers make the vast majority of their money on the four stages.
Value (7/10) – The cover being $5 is a bit annoying since a lot of other Portland clubs are free. A lamb gyro with fries for $3, steak tips for $3.75 and $10 or $11 pitchers for many of the 51 beers on tap is beyond glorious as far as food and drink go. Dances are $20, but no one gets them. The only big drawback is that stage value is non-existent and girls don’t walk around the club at all. You only see them on stage as they are not allowed by club policy to solicit dances while not on stage. Since there are always 25 drooling horn balls sitting there, there’s no incentive for the dancer to do anything except get naked and walk around collecting dollars.
Dance Setup (0/10) – There is a small area near the entrance for dances, but literally everyone can see you in the bright lights and the chairs are only big enough for midgets to be comfortable. You may as well get a dance on stage with 20 of your buddies watching you pop wood.
Club Setup (2.5/10) – The club is set up for you to eat cheap but good food, and drink cheap but good beer. But almost all the seats are at the stages themselves, so unless you want to be munching on steak one second and reaching into your pocket the next, it’s awkward. Four stages take up the majority of the club, with minimal extra seating that can view the main stage and a little bit of bar seating that isn’t convenient to view anything.
Club Atmosphere (5/10) – I don’t want to be completely uncharitable even though I don’t really consider this to be a “strip club.” You could call it an rich man’s Hooters, if Hooters made massive upgrades to their food, drinks, and had their women get naked. Maybe that works for some people, and for those people I say enjoy.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – It’s almost three miles to a bus stop, but at only about five miles south of downtown, it’s a short cab ride or an easy drive. The club is right on the highway, so there’s no missing it.
Overall – I love a good deal on food and drink, but I also love a strip club that feels like a strip club. This is not one. My friend/driver/forward scout in the Portland area likes more stage action and less dancer interaction, but even he thought the number of girls was low and the quality was lacking. If you’re in need of red meat and beer, and you would like to casually view some boobies while you’re at it, this is an okay joint. If you want any kind of erotic atmosphere, you’ll need to look elsewhere.
RAW SCORE = 35
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