King Arthur's Lounge (Chelsea, MA)

Quality of dances (5/20) – The dances are nude, but you can't touch the girls and they aren't super aggressive towards you. On the bright side, the dances are fairly long and the girls do at least give some solid knee action, but you'd still be better off saving your $30 for the stage.

Quality of dancers (8/10) – I'm biased toward Latinas, and this place has got a ton of them. There's no other club in the Boston area that can even try to compete with the level of talent that this place brings.

Number of dancers (4/10) – There are usually 2 or 3 girls on the stage, and several more walking around the club or sitting at the bar, but a lot of the girls just go home after their last stage appearance, so it really thins out towards closing time.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) – Many Latin American countries are represented here, but the majority of the girls are Brazilian. There are also several black girls including at least one Ethiopian, but I've yet to see a white girl or an Asian.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls are playful and actually seem like they enjoy being on stage. This score would have been even higher, but they're loyal to a fault to the regulars when they're not on stage, so it can be tough for a visitor to get the girls' attention.

Value (7/10) – There's no cover, drinks are reasonable ($7 for Corona, which is all anyone drinks), and the fully nude stage show is as good as I've seen. The dances aren't a great value, but the change that you get back when you buy a beer will keep you entertained at the stage for a half hour.

Dance Setup (2/10) – There are a few booths for dances down a small hallway near the stage. The problem is that the hallway is too narrow for people to walk behind the girls that are giving dances, so the girls stop and stand against the wall when people walk by. If there's another dancer and a dude walking between me and the girl I'm getting a dance from, that's a bad dance setup.

Club Setup (3.5/10) - Almost everyone sits at the stage, and the stage setup is decent. It can be tough to find a seat anywhere else, and the club can get packed, so you're forced to bump into people who you'd rather not be bumping.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) - If you just woke up in this club, you'd swear you were in South America or Mexico. Nothing about the crowd, the dancers, or the music gives any hint that you are in New England. It's beautiful. Unfortunately, everyone has to walk on eggshells for fear that someone else will take offense and shoot them in the parking lot. I've never seen any incidents though, as there seems to be a lot of mutual respect between patrons in this place. Also, most of the girls have boyfriends/pimps that sit at the bar, so trying to get the girls' attention for dances can be tricky.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – A $25 cab ride will get you here from downtown Boston, although one cabbie refused to take us because of the shady location. Also, keep in mind that this place closes at 1. And I'm not adding points to accessibility because of the hotel that's upstairs, because no sane person would ever stay there.

Overall – If you're comfortable in bad neighborhoods and you're just looking for a place to see beautiful ladies, King Arthur's is great. If you're in the mood for dances or you're a fan of Lou Dobbs, you should steer clear of this place.

TOTAL SCORE - 46