Balloons (Providence, RI) - CLOSED

Quality of dances (12/20) - The dances here are full contact, but there's not as much effort put into them as anywhere else in Providence.

Quality of dancers (3.5/10) - One very attractive dancer single-handedly brought this score up from a 1.

Number of dancers (2/10) - There were less than 5 dancers working, and only 1 on stage at a time.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - There was some diversity, but since there was only one attractive girl working, there wasn't any variety that was worth looking at.

Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - The girls act like they can't wait to get out of here so they can score some meth.

Value (0/10) - The cover and the dances are both very overpriced.

Dance Setup (3/10) - The dances are done in a separate room, but it isn't very private once you're back there. I was the only one getting a dance at the time, but it seemed like you'd have to share the room with others if multiple people wanted dances at the same time.

Club Setup (2/10) - This is a small, filthy club. There's nowhere great to sit, but at least all of the seats have a good view of the TVs. Unfortunately, those TVs are showing midget porn.

Club Atmosphere (0/10) - While midget porn may be hilarious if you're hammered, it's just disturbing if you're not. And they don't serve alcohol.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - Balloons is reasonably close to downtown Providence, is right next to a few other clubs, and is open for a few hours after everything else closes.

Overall - With all the other clubs in Providence, there's really no reason to ever go to Balloons.

TOTAL SCORE = 31.5