Bare Exposure (Atlantic City, NJ)

Quality of dances (5/20) – For the most part, hands must remain on the armrests during dances, a rule that’s often enforced by the bouncers (who basically watch everything). There is some one-way contact from the dancers, but it’s pretty weak, and they’re usually totally unengaged. And no one I know has ever been offered extras. Not even Black Magic. Finally, all dances are exactly three minutes, and this rule is never broken.

Quality of dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are definitely fine, and not just Jersey-trash fine. Don’t worry, if you’re in to girls who apply their makeup with a paint roller, you’ll still get your fix, but you’ll also see a fair number of traditionally beautiful women.

Number of dancers (4/10) – On the one hand, there are always at least 20 dancers (probably closer to 30) at this place on weekend nights. On the other, it’s filled with 10 times that many dudes, making for an awful guy/dancer ratio. On the slower nights, the ratio is better, but still not great.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) – Largely American white and black girls, with some eastern Europeans peppering the mix. Almost no Central/South American women, which is just shameful.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – Pretty weak sauce here. Lots of the standard “What’s your name? Where are you from? Do you want a dance?” Dancers rarely hang around for a drink or even attempt to shoot the breeze. It’s all business. I expect much more than this. The only reason this number even rises to a three is that I once met an awesome pair of dancers during a late-afternoon shift.

Value (2/10) – It’s a $20 cover charge and an extra $5 holding fee for cell phones. These charges run all day and are totally non-negotiable. Sub-par dances are then $30, again non-negotiable. Normally, this would mean a value of zero, but the one saving grace is that it’s BYOB, which is pretty huge. Nevertheless, because everything else is so badly overpriced, I can’t rate this above a two.

Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance room is a separate area near the front of the club. You have to pay the bouncer on your way in and the dancer then swipes her card. The actual room is unremarkable, with a series of standard walled-off booths. A mirror covers all walls, so the bouncer can sneak a quick look and see everything at any given time.

Club Setup (3/10) – It has a decent stage and a second single-pole platform for extra action, but the seating sucks. Once you get about twenty-five people inside, there isn’t a seat in the house. And it’s very small for a club that draws as many patrons as it does.

Club Atmosphere (2/10) – Bare Exposure is invariably filled with the biggest douches and juiceheads you can imagine. Add in the fact that it’s wall-to-wall packed after 11 on weekends and the atmosphere is complete shit.

Club Accessibility (5/5) – It’s one block off the Boardwalk in the middle of Atlantic City, walkable from most hotels/casinos and a cheap cab ride from all others. You couldn’t ask for a better location.

Overall – If you’re in Atlantic City and feel the itch, this is pretty much your only option. It beats the shit out of anything else that AC has to offer, but that’s faint praise at best (note that all other clubs are “bikini clubs,” so the women never take their tops off, even during dances). My advice is this: If you insist on going to the Exposure, get yourself a couple of friends and a 30 rack and show up right when it opens (4 PM or 6 PM, depending on the day). Stake out a comfortable spot, get rocked all evening on the cheap while you shoot the shit with the early-arriving women and then quit at 11 and head out to gamble.

TOTAL SCORE = 39