Saturday, May 16, 2009

Fairways Inn (Smyrna, DE) - CLOSED

Quality of dances - If I'd known at the time that I'd be writing a review, I'd have bitten the bullet and gotten a dance. Sadly, I did not, so I'll have to normalize the club's total score at the end.

Quality of dancers (1.5/10) - I'm fairly certain that I was the only one in the bar under the age of 30, dancers included. I guess they aren't bad for old chicks, but that's still not good.

Number of dancers (2/10) - I never saw more than 3 women here, but I never wanted to see more than 3 topless women from Smyrna, so that's fine. I've never seen too many customers here either, so the ratio's always been acceptable.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1/5) - The only non-white dancer I ever saw was an Asian woman who somehow still managed to be white trash.

Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) - The local guys come here all the time just to talk to the girls. That probably says more about the guys than it does about the girls, but everyone seems to be friendly. One time I was there, a dancer even insisted that she drive a customer home because it wasn't safe for him to be on the roads considering that he could barely stay on top of his chair.

Value (6/10) - There's no cover and the beer is cheap enough that I was able to convince myself that it was worth going here more than once.

Dance Setup - I didn't see a dance area, but I wasn't looking for one, so I can't rate this.

Club Setup (2/10) - Fairways is a small club, but they still manage to waste a lot of space. My memory is a little hazy, but I'm pretty sure that they have a pool table or two.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) - If you'd take away the dancers, this would be a fairly decent dive bar. When you add topless women, my expectations are raised, so I can't give the atmosphere more than a 4.

Club Accessibility (0.5/5) - There's a roach motel next door to the club, but considering that the only thing Smyrna's known for is its state prison, it isn't really somewhere that you'd plan a trip to.

Overall - Although this is the only non-pastie bar in Delaware, I can't recommend it as a strip club. If you're just looking for somewhere to get a drink and break up a long drive home from the beach, it's not too bad.



  1. lol used to work there and find this review spot on and funny as hell.

  2. as of now feb 11 2012 i gotta give it to fairways for having alot more girls (clean) drug free envrnmnt. and the new set of girls 14 in total are pretty and nice, no more one legged bitches, no more coke on the back of toilets in bathroom stalls, no more dirty used condoms on the floor. and the owner recently updated EVERYTHING and remodled... more space for more bitches! and yes the lucky pool table is still in there!

    1. You must be as dumb as you are stupid, they were all on drugs suprisingly I was a single mother at the time working at a mushroom farm and here for the extra cash to pay for my house, food and car and clothes and toys for my kids. They were all high as crap at the end of the night nodding out on the pole it looked horrible and I was the only clean one and the only one who would screw the owner and his wife so they ended up firing me. This place is a junkie infested strip club with the roach motel where they take their customers next door for a little more one on one time. Just make sure you double, triple, quadruple wrap your shit up and pour bleach and acid on your man stuff because they all have something in there trust me i'd walk in the bathroom and their spraying the whoha with anything they had, hairspray, body spray, coochie spray and when they were done it smelled like an animal that had been dead for days and perfume... So you must've been pretty drunk.

  3. Those chicks at fairways are wild. Even the bartender is. She picked up my one dollar tip with her titties, then she said if you give me another i might do something else, so I gave her a dollar, then she picked it up with her ass. Wild night.

  4. This place is through the roof now. New owner. New dancers. New atmosphere. And oh yeah, NEW dancers. A few 7s and a border line 8 the night I was there. Lots of girls on every shift. Unfortunately only professional lap dances but still worth the couch dance price.

  5. Heard the place burned down recently so I looked it up as I was reselling stories to my wife about the place when I was at Wesley College in the mid 90's. Your description is exactly how I remembered the place. In fact, it is almost word for word on how I have described it to my wife. Brought back memories of the "green house" as we used to call the old Fairways inn

  6. is this place better or worse than hardwired?

  7. I was there this week. 9:00 one dirty fat whore who danced to one song and never took her flannel shirt off, not to mention her bra. Then she was exhausted and wanted me to buy her a drink and give her a tip. I was feeling a little sick from looking at her body and watched TV instead of talking to her. The place has become ghetto!